What I've Learned

Monday, November 05, 2007

I realize I've kind of fallen off the face of the earth, and I've been really terrible at keeping in touch with people. But I've been doing a lot of thinking recently- and learning. So in the past months, I've learned quite a lot.

1. When you work in the hotel business, and are planning a trip to Vegas, it's always good to let your GM know- and hopefully, he'll email the GM at the hotel/casino where you were lucky enough to get your low, low employee rate and tell him what a great employee you are. And if you're super lucky, that GM will upgrade you to a suite on the top floor- at that same low, low employee rate. Just saying.

2. Work is just work. It isn't your life. And it really isn't worth stressing about. A job is a job is a job. And if you ever want to be happy, leave your work there when you go home. Stressing about your job or the people that you work with or the situations that occur between 9 and 5 will only bother you- and won't resolve anything. You can not control the situation- you can only control your reactions.

3. Getting down to 2 or 3 cigarettes a day after smoking for almost 12 years is torture. However, finally being able to run a mile without getting totally winded makes it all worthwhile- especially when, even in your best shape, you were never able to run a mile without getting winded.

4. Your entire personality can change when you lose 45 pounds. You can finally find the confidence you didn't even have way, way back when you were a size 2.

5. You can never compare your relationships to others. Never think that you have to keep up with the 'norms.' You've dated for a year and suddenly everyone you know is asking when you're getting married. So what. Don't let it bother you. Your relationship doesn't have to move at the same speed as everyone else's. And there's nothing wrong with that. Yes, it can suck to hear that from everyone at work. But guess what? Losing the love of your life because you're too impatient to wait until the time is right for both of you isn't worth it (no, that part isn't from personal experience- we're still together. but I did almost screw it all up by trying to force things). Sit back and relax. Enjoy the good times together. Not everyone moves at the same speed as you.

6. I once read that if you are happy in a relationship 80% of the time, then hang on for dear life and forget about the other 20%. And it's true. No one is happy 100% of the time- it's impossible. And if you're lucky enough to find someone who makes you happy almost all of the time, then thank your lucky stars for that. Most people go through their lives without ever finding that 80% person. And some settle for a 50% person. I've found that 80% guy- and it's one of the most fulfilling, amazing feelings I've ever experienced.

7. Forget the past. So you've never been able to trust any man in the past. You've been treated like shit. You've been lied to and cheated on. Maybe even abused. Let it go. Don't let the relationships of the past effect the way you deal with all of your future relationships. Forget the past- it will only ruin your future.

8. You may get hurt every time, but let someone in completely. Don't hold back. Don't protect yourself. There's a country song that says something about living like you're dying. That's true in relationships too. Yes, I've been hurt more times than I can count. But I almost shut down and stopped letting people in- and in doing that, I almost pushed away the one good one.

9. Examine your past. There may be something that has molded and affected every relationship that you've ever had- without you even realizing. Get those things out in the open. It's amazingly cathartic. Telling someone you trust about something that has torn you apart for your entire life immediately relieves you of that. You may not even realize how horrible what you went through was. You may not realize that, just because there was no physical aspect doesn't mean that you didn't go through years of abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse are still abuse.

10. Not everyone will like you. And who cares? Wanting everyone to like you and being desperate for acceptance is no way to go through life. And it's agony- worrying about what people think about you and what they are saying behind your back. And you know what? It doesn't really affect your life. If someone doesn't like you, then forget them. Simple as that.

Didn't mean to get preachy on you all- just wanted to let everyone know why I haven't been around. Take what you want from this post. It is what it is- me 'writing' down my thoughts.


Velvet 11/05/2007 10:42:00 PM  

We all gotta check ourselves every now and again. Sometimes lists are helpful to keep me focused.

Carrie M 11/06/2007 10:17:00 AM  

good to hear from you, ash. and all very, very good advice. you and i still need to get together in r-ville. maybe we can coax velvet out into the burbs with us!

David in DC 11/08/2007 01:14:00 AM  

I hope this bodes well for occasional future posts.

Lotta wisdom in there ash. Nice to see you writing here again.

Anonymous,  12/02/2007 02:39:00 PM  

Well, my dad is a pediatrician and he gets me whatever I want when I am upset. Also, he took me and my mom to Vegas and I bet our suite was better than yours, because he is a pediatrician and he can afford the best rooms. Also, since my dad is a pediatrician me and my mom go shopping all the time even when we arent unhappy and it keeps us from being unhappy. I think since my dad is a pediatrician he does not have his own blog page but he has a stethascope.

Anonymous,  12/02/2007 02:42:00 PM  

what kind of asshole has a section to leave comments but they are not posted until someone approves them. That is what freedom of speech is all about. Who gave you the authority to validate my existance? At least my sunroof works. You dont want to mess with internet thugs.

David in DC 12/03/2007 07:16:00 PM  

Ah, reasoned discourse. :)

Tara 12/27/2007 11:10:00 AM  

Congrats on cutting down your cigarettes!

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