Offended?

Thursday, August 31, 2006

There's something that I've never understood and still boggles my mind. Why do hotels still have Bibles in the nightstands? I can understand why it was "back in the day," but this is 2006. In an era where people are crying "discrimination" at every turn and suing everyone, how is it that hotels can get away with this? For a while, I thought it was just the low-end, quarter-star hotels in the middle of nowhere that were still doing it, but today I found out that my hotel does it as well- and we are a pretty decent, somewhat pricey property in Tyson's. I was shocked. And, quite frankly, slightly offended. I think I've mentioned before that I am offended by anyone pushing religion on me, and I am not even Muslim and only part Jewish. So I think I would be even more offended if I was Muslim or Jewish (or any other religion- besides Christian).
And the thing is- not a single person at my hotel can give me a legitimate reason for this (other than "it's tradition"). We are a relatively progressive company and strive to make everyone comfortable. So why would we have something in the room that makes a large number of people so uncomfortable?
So my question to all of you is- are you offended by it?

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Thoughts

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

1. The funniest thing I saw last weekend in the Solomons: I was at the Tiki Bar with my little cousin (he's 21), and there was a really hott, VERY built diesel-like guy. Normally I would have checked him out- if I'd noticed him. Well, he was REALLY hard to miss. He was about 6'6, and probably at least 250 pounds of muscle. Wearing a black t-shirt that said "that which does not kill me better run," a cowboy hat, black combat boots with black and red striped socks sticking out, a fanny pack and ....you ready for this?....... a black and red kilt. Never have I been more disappointed in myself for not having my camera on me. Oh, and he was straight. When I told my cousin (who was laughing his ass off at the guy) that I'd "hit that," he observed that all it would take is both of us lifting our skirts. cute.

2. I think my OCD has taken a turn for the worst. My aversion to body hair is getting a little out of control. So much so that I have been considering Nair-ing my arms. Let me clarify- I have very fine, very light blonde (almost invisible) hair. But for some reason, even that's bugging me. Now, I know that my personal grooming habits are already extensive (to achieve that dolphin-like hairlessness); and I also know that if I start Nair-ing my arms, it's something I will not be able to stop doing; but for some reason, I have been considering it a lot.

3. The only problem with comments from non-bloggers is that if you like their opinions, you have no way of reading more or contacting them. For instance, "Dave in DC" always writes thoughtful comments and would love to read more from him. Unfortunately, I have no way of contacting him and no blog to read.

4. To the cop on the motorcycle that was next to me at the Elden St/Herndon Pkwy intersection today- thanks for having a sense of humor about me yelling "move, bitch" to the slow cow in front of me that was ignoring the light-change. Instead of stopping me for "aggressive driving," you laughed. Although, you were pretty hott, and I wouldn't have minded being searched.

5. Does anyone in Virginia know what this sign means?

because I think a lot of you think it means "race to the end of the merge lane, cut someone off, then give them a dirty look because THEY are supposed to pause to let YOU in."

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Incommunicado

Friday, August 25, 2006


Ok, y'all. I took today off and I will be incommunicado all weekend. No internet, shaky cell service, the works. I just need to get away and clear my head. There has been too much drama lately, so I just need some solitude. I'll see you all on Sunday. Have a great weekend.

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Ash's Etiquette Class: Table/Date Manners

Thursday, August 24, 2006


Ok, so I wasn't going to bore you guys with my list of table manners/date deal-breakers, but apparently, some of you wanted to know. I had to break down it down into two categories- general behavior and on a date. So here goes:

General Behavior:
* There is never a reason to blow your nose at the table. I covered the whole nose-blowing thing, but I think it bears repeating. It never ceases to amaze me how many people have no idea this is rude. It seems that every single time I am at a restaurant, without fail, someone at another table blows their nose. For those of you that don't realize exactly how repulsive it is, think about it for a second. You are blowing snot/phlegm/gawd knows what else into a napkin while I am trying to eat. The only thing I can think of that is even more disgusting is if you were to actually pick your nose at the table. Oh, and then you LEAVE the napkin balled up on the same table you are EATING on! It may not be a big deal to you, being that it is your own bodily secretion, but I'll be damned if I am going to eat with that sitting on the table.

*For christ's sake, close your mouth when you chew. And don't talk with food in your mouth. You have no idea how many things fly out of your mouth while speaking- and that's without the food in your mouth. It freaks me out enough to think of the number of your germs that end up on me during a conversation; I don't want to have to worry that your half-chewed food is ending up on me and in my food. And I don't want to see your half-masticated food, either. Besides that, the sound of someone chewing is disgusting. If you have to say something and, for whatever reason, don't have time to swallow, cover your mouth when you say it.

*I realize that in some countries, burping after a meal is considered a compliment to the chef. We are not in one of those countries.

*If you need something, ask for it. Don't ever reach over me or my plate to get it. Otherwise, you may end up with a fork in your arm. I will gladly pass you the salt, pepper, etc- if you just ask.

*If you are one of those people who uses their hands a lot when speaking, put your utensils and food down. Please don't wave your fork or your french fry around when you are telling me about your crazy aunt Edna.

*I doubt that you were just released from a POW camp and haven't eaten in months, so there is no reason to shovel your food in as if it's going to disappear if you stop to pause. No one is going to come and take your plate away if you stop eating for a minute.

*Cover your mouth when you cough. Not just at the table. Every time.

*Don't ever reach over and take a bite of something from my plate- unless I offer it. This is not a "community plate," so hands off. I will almost always ask if you'd like to try it, so wait until I ask. And don't stare at my plate, waiting for me to offer.

*Don't be "that guy/girl." If you have a food allergy, use common sense. I have one of the most difficult allergies to dine out with, yet I am able to pick something from the menu without annoying the server too much. If you are allergic to cheese, don't eat at Olive Garden. However, there are some allergies that make it acceptable to ask questions- nuts, for instance. It is perfectly ok to ask if the food is cooked in peanut oil. It is not ok to ask the server at an Italian restaurant if there is cheese in something.

On a Date (for the guys):
(all of the general rules still apply)
*If we are sharing an appetizer, don't just take the last bite. Always offer it to your date. If I insist that you eat it, then by all means, go for it.

*If you ask me out, you pay- especially if it's a first date. I will almost always offer to pay half. I fully expect you to refuse (you did ask me out, after all). I am not opposed to "going Dutch" once in a while, but that should be rare. I am not a hard-core feminist- I will not be insulted if you buy me dinner. If you are a little cash-poor and ask me out, then pick a restaurant you can afford. I don't care if we end up at the corner pizza place, but I should never have to pay if you initiated the date.

*Hold the door for me. Seriously.

*Do not, under ANY circumstances, order for me. I am a grown woman. I am perfectly capable of deciding what I want for dinner and relaying that decision to the server.

*Speaking of servers, treat them with respect. It's a shitty job. Don't treat them like servants. It stands to reason that if you treat them like shit, you probably treat other people like shit. On the other hand, if our server is a pretty girl, don't flirt excessively with her. A little flirting is cute; ogling the waitress is not.

*No matter how sneaky you try to be when signing your credit card receipt, I am sneakier. I take note of how well you tip the server. Being a cheapskate when it comes to tipping is a deal-breaker for me.

These are just a few of the deal-breakers. Trust me, there are a lot more. But rather than give them all, let me tell you all about my friend Dan.

Dan is only a friend (and not a very good one at that). Never anything more. He sealed that fate the first time we dined out together. He is allergic to cheese. Yet, when I suggested an Italian place, he didn't make me aware of that fact. He waited until we were at the restaurant and were looking over the menu. When I suggested that we go somewhere else, he said that no, he'd find something on the menu. Then he proceeded to interrogate the server. When the salad came, he examined the dressing. Even though the server assured him that there was no cheese in it, he swore that there was. He ended up getting a plain, grilled chicken breast and plain pasta (sauce on the side)- which he basically devoured in two bites, shovelling huge amounts of food into his mouth. I was literally disgusted by the way he ate. To top it all off, he was rude to the server and left a shitty tip. Needless to say, I will never date him. And I very rarely go to eat with him.

Nothing kills the mood like poor manners.

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Mind Your Manners

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


Now, I will be the first to admit that I am a bit of a "manners nazi," although I hate using that particular word at all. But, honestly, one of the quickest ways to annoy me is by being impolite. My maternal grandmother was a very proper British woman, so suffice it to say, my mom has impeccable manners. And since she has impeccable manners, it stands to reason that I do as well. There were so many behaviors that were not tolerated in my house when I was growing up, which is probably why everyone used to comment about what a well-behaved child I was.

Being that I am so anal about manners, nothing annoys me more than people with a lack of them. So, at every job, there are always certain people who drive me insane. It doesn't just end with work. It seems that living in an area (such as Northern Virginia) with so many different cultures, and some of the most elitist people I have ever had the pleasure of encountering, I am privy to a daily dose of "what you shouldn't do." So, here are some of the most irksome behaviors:

*Holding the door open- it goes both ways. There are so many people who will walk ahead of you through a door, then just let it slam in your face. Seriously, if I am only two steps behind you, how difficult is it to hold the damn door for me? I realize that you are in a hurry, but does that extra two seconds really matter? And on the other hand, if I walk in ahead of you and hold the door (which I will), please say "thank-you." Either way, I will say "you're welcome," but just vary the volume and tone depending on whether or not you actually thanked me. And, while we're covering it, if I hold the door open, do not just walk through (and past me) without holding the door for yourself. I am not your doorman. The only time that is acceptable is if your hands are full and I have said "here, let me get the door for you." A few of my co-workers do this constantly, and it bugs the shit out of me. Holding the door open for you is not the highlight of my day, so when you walk through, you should take over the door-holding duties (and thank me). And the thing is, I am still too polite to just let the door close on someone.

*Cell phones- A few of my co-workers fail to turn down the ringer on their cell phones while at work. Personally, I turn the ringer off and leave my cell on the desk so I can see if someone is calling me. The girl across the hall (N.) has one of the most obnoxious ringers and leaves it at full volume. Then lets it ring. She doesn't answer it, or silence it when it rings, she just lets it go. Have some courtesy for your co-workers. You may think the "crying baby" ringtone is cute, but I do not. Incidentally, N. is also one of those people who "walk through" when I hold the door.

*While we are on phones (and N.), she also checks her voicemail and makes all of her calls on speakerphone. It seems someone is just too lazy to hold the door for herself or to pick up the damn phone. She even called the automated service for her bank account (to get the balance) on speakerphone! Are you kidding me?? I don't want ANYONE knowing my banking info. And I certainly don't want to hear every one of your conversations.

*Interrupting/ Talking over someone- My absolute biggest pet peeve (and, hey, wouldn't you know it, N. is guilty of this one as well). There is nothing you can do that shows as much disrespect as interrupting or talking over someone. Granted, there are times when it is necessary (like when that friend just won't shut up and let you get a word in), (or when something pops in your head mid-conversation, and you know you'll forget it if you wait). But seriously, it says that you have no regard for what the other person is saying. If you do have to interrupt, apologize. I used to work with a girl that would constantly interrupt me during our morning meetings. So, I decided to keep talking. Well, the bia would just keep talking (much more loudly) over me. I finally made my point one day, when after she interrupted me to ask me a question, I sat there silently and stared at her, not answering her question. When she said my name, I replied, "Oh, are you finished? I just didn't want you to interrupt me again." The behavior stopped (for the most part) after that.

*Nose blowing- Granted, there are times when it's fine. Like when it's a "little blow." But I have another co-worker who constantly blows his nose- very loudly- all damn day. It seriously is more of a "HONK!" than a nose-blow. My general rule- any time you are expelling something from your body, do it in the bathroom. I don't want to hear you pulling up phlegm from the bottom of your throat and spitting it into a tissue. And for the love of gawd, please don't do it while people are eating!

And these are just the tip of the iceberg. I have an entire list of poor table manners that piss me off as well. And I wonder why I am still single. The truth is, if a guy violates any of these "general manners," or any of the "table manners," on the first date, you can bet your ass there won't be a second date.

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A Repaired Friendship and Blogger Abandonment

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

For those of you that don't know the backstory on this, I apologize. A while back I wrote a post that really hurt a friend's feelings and really messed up the friendship. Well, I am happy to say that, although we haven't talked about it yet and I haven't gotten the chance to really apologize, "Jamie" and I are on speaking terms again. I never should have written about him or about what he was going through, and it was pretty fucked up of me. But, I have to say, that despite the fact that I was a terrible friend, he really came through for me over the weekend. Something really shitty happened (as I'm sure you can guess by looking at Friday's post), and when I was desperately trying to get ahold of people to calm me down, he was the only person who responded to my text (that night). He even cared enough to offer to come pick me up on Saturday so that I wouldn't be alone (I was in no mood for company though, so I declined). And who was I to judge in the first place? Gawd knows my life is VERY far from drama-free. The truth is that his friendship meant a lot to me, and not having him to talk to over the past few weeks has sucked ass. I am SO happy he's back in my life.

Speaking of friends, it really amazes me how much you can grow to care about someone you've never met, just by reading their blog. For instance, I have a blogger friend who I've been chatting (comments, emails, IM, phone) with for a few months, and I've really come to care about him. Which was why I was so happy to hear that he now is dating someone (another blogger). He's a really great guy and really deserves some female attention. However, I am a little hurt that I am no longer getting any of his attention. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not really the "everything needs to be about me" type of person (except on the blog), and I expected a small change in behavior, but the commenting has almost stopped all together. And the once hour-long phone conversations have dwindled to less than 5 minutes. And this weekend, when I was having the afore-mentioned crises, he called the next day to see if I was ok, then promptly cut me off mid-conversation (and after only about 2 minutes), saying that he had to go.

I know- right now I sound so unbelievably whiney, but the truth is that even if/when I find someone who can stand to be with me for more than 5 minutes, I will still devote the same amount of attention to my blogger friends; 'cuz yanno, I care about you guys. So am I a terrible person for expecting the same? Am I just being selfish that I am hurt that I no longer get any of his attention?

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Don't Bother

Saturday, August 19, 2006

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The Evil Empire

Friday, August 18, 2006

I think everyone knows how much I hate McDonald's. But, at the risk of everyone thinking I'm anti-corporation, there's another company which makes McDonald's look like a bunch of saints. I hate this company (and all of it's stores) with every fiber of my being. I equate going to one of their stores with getting a root canal- sans novocaine. What company?

I would rather go to the ghetto KMart, with it's almost bare shelves, in Herndon than step foot in a Wal Mart. I honestly don't think Sam Walton would be too proud of the horrible monster that his simple business model has become. I really don't think the current business model is what he had in mind.

There hasn't been a single occasion in which I've had a decent experience there. Several years ago, when I moved to Ashburn, I was in a townhouse, and the landlord had allowed us (roommies and I) to paint. So, being that I was rather price-conscious, I went to the Wal-Mart paint department and picked out a color. Then waited for someone to come to the department to mix the color for me. And waited. And waited. Finally, I went to another department and asked them to page someone, which the girl did. I waited another 10 minutes. No one showed up. So, I went back to her and asked her page again. Another 10 minutes- still no one. I finally ended up leaving and going to Lowes.

I've also tried to get an oil change there, as well as getting a new tire. Every time they tell me it will be about 3 hours. Unacceptable. And the one time that I did finally get an oil change- I think they ripped me off, because two weeks later when I checked my oil, it was black. I honestly don't think they changed it. Never again. From now on, I go to an actual oil change place and pay the 40 bucks. It's worth it to know that there actually is oil in my car.

As if the shitty service wasn't enough, the store itself if always a cluster-fuck of overflowing shelves and masses of people, their 7 kids and 3 shopping carts in tow. No matter what time of day you venture in (and there were plenty of times in college that I took advantage of the 24/7 hours), there are loads of people- and normally the very worst of society. No, not everyone who shops there is included in this group, there are plenty of "normal" people who are drawn in by the low prices. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the people who, at 11 PM are there with their kids (who should be at home in bed) running around the store, screaming, while mom buys her 10 rolls of paper towels for $1.

Now, while the shitty service always pisses me off, I can understand it. We've all heard the stories of Wal-Mart locking their employees in the store overnight. And the fact that, in an effort to keep prices as low as possible, they hire almost all part-time, low-skilled, low-educated labor. I mean, who wants to hire people who can actually count to ten? Then you'd have to pay them fair wages, and (gasp) benefits. And, besides the lousy pay and lack of benefits, it's pretty obvious that the employees are treated like shit. The only people I've ever seen at a Wal-Mart who looked even remotely happy were the greeters- and they're just happy to be out of the retirement home for a few hours. You can tell a lot about the way a company treats their employees by the looks on the employees' faces- and by the way those employees treat customers. And every single employee (except the greeter) always looks like the life has been sucked out of them. Now contrast that with Target. Almost everyone at Target at least looks alive- and for the most part, reasonably happy. I refuse to give money to a company who treats their own internal customers the way Wal-Mart does. Basically, "low, low prices" equals "low, low wages, benefits, service, and quality." So while you are saving 29 cents on a new mop, it's the employees that suffer.

Another beef with Wal-Mart- hypocrisy. They will not sell the un-edited versions of cds, video games or movies, preaching "family values." First of all, it's censorship, and if they would bother to train their staff to check id's, it wouldn't be a problem. But they will not do that. Unless you want the edited version of your favorite artist's cd, you won't be able to buy it at Wal-Mart. Secondly, why do they feel it's necessary to instill these values? Who died and made them my parents? While I'll admit that not enough parents are doing their jobs and paying attention to what their children are listening to, I also feel that Wal-Mart has no right to tell people what they can and can't listen to. And while they are preaching to us about "family values," they are selling tobacco products and weapons. Hmmm....so I guess we are worried about kids listening to curse words in music and playing violent video games, but we aren't too worried about them smoking or stabbing each other. And keep in mind that their poorly-trained and under-paid staff probably could give two shits if the kid buying a pack of cigarettes or knife from them is 18 or 14- they just want their shift to be over. We won't go into too much political talk here, but can you guess which political party they give money to? Either way, I will not let a store tell me what music I can listen to and what movies I can watch.

I could get very bleeding-heart liberal on y'all and bitch about the way Crap-Mart undercuts the "little guy," and drives smaller retailers out of business, but I know at least a couple of you (right-wingers) who are going to argue the whole "every man for himself" point, so I won't get into it. Suffice it to say, I absolutely loathe Wal-Mart and vowed quite a while ago to never shop there again.

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Fluff, But Interesting Fluff

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Normally, I'm not a big fan of posting these, but this one is pretty cool:

20 February 1978
Your date of conception was on or about 30 May 1977 which was a Monday.
You were born on a Mondayunder the astrological sign Pisces.
Your Life path number is 11.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 6.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/7/1978 and ending 1/27/1979.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Horse.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Wolf; your plant is Plantain.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Parmuthy, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 13 AdarI 5738.

As of 8/17/2006 2:57:15 PM EDT
You are 28 years old.
You are 342 months old.
You are 1,486 weeks old.
You are 10,405 days old.
You are 249,734 hours old.
You are 14,984,097 minutes old.
You are 899,045,835 seconds old.

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.07240704500978 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 187 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 29 candles.
Those 29 candles produce 29 BTUs,or 7,308 calories of heat (that's only 7.3080 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.31 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is Pine Tree, the Particularity
Loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, many disappointments till it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.

Life Path 11 (2):

2 (11/2, 20/2)
The Life Path 2 suggests that you entered this plane with a spiritual quality in your makeup allowing you to be one of the peacemakers in society. Your strengths come from an ability to listen and absorb. You are a fixer, a mediator, and a very diplomatic type of person using persuasive skills rather than forcefulness to make your way in the world. When you embrace and exhibit the strenghth of your spiritual side, you are intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, and visionary. These extremes make you interesting with much to offer society. You have the potential to be a deep-thinker, and no doubt interested in understanding many of life's mysteries and more intriguing facets.
If you are living with the positive attributes of the number 2 Life Path, you are apt to have the most delicate ability to be balanced and fair. You clearly see the full spectrum of viewpoints in any argument or situation, and because of this, people may seek you out to be a mediator. In this role you are able to settle disputes with the most unbiased flair. There is sincere concern for others; you think the best of people, and want the best for them. You are honest and open in thought, word and deed. You excel in any form of group activity where your expertise in handling and blending people can be used effectively. Manners and tact mark your way with others, and you are not one to dominate a group or situation. You are the master of compromise and of maintaining harmony in your environment. As the ultimate team member, you never demand praise or recognition.
In many ways, you are a creature of habit and routine, and you like your path and pattern well worn and familiar. Your ability to analyze and render accurate judgments is a wonderful natural trait you bring to the business world. You strive for complete accuracy and even perfection in your work. Perhaps you are not a leader, but you are a visionary and a very talented idea person.
On the negative side of the 2, nervous energy is a trait often observed in the 2. Because of this, you may be seen as an extremist who is sometimes the zealot in expressing likes and dislikes. Nervous tension can bring the normally easygoing 2 into a state of emotional outrage, which to those around you, may seem so out of character. Indeed, the 2 can sometimes become oversensitive. In some instances, the strength of the 2 can also become its weakness. You may find it hard to decide what to do at times. Twos often struggle against indecisiveness. Making decisions and getting your life in gear, so to speak, may be a challenge. There is a tendency for the many 2s to harbor feelings of uneasiness, and dissatisfaction with accomplishments and personal progress in life. The biggest obstacle and difficulty you may face is that of passivity and a state of apathy and lethargy. The negative 2 can be very pessimistic. When this sets in to any degree, you are able to accomplishes very little. If living on the negative side of the 2, you may lack common sense, and you are quite often unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality.
Even the more positive individuals with the 2 Life Path will prefer a more amiable and less competitive environment, often shunning the business world. You can best serve society in endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance. Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature. You expect a great deal of yourself.

Yep....pretty much fits me. Find out yours here.

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MySpace Blog, Toilet Brush, and Verbiage

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


White Dade touched on this briefly today, and it got me thinking about MySpace blogs. Who actually considers them real blogs? There are very few people who's MySpace blogs can actually be considered blogs. Most are just whiney, angsty losers. Of course I exclude any of my blogger friends who maintain both a MySpace blog and a "real" blog. But for those who say "oh, I'm a blogger," and are referring to their MySpace page- suck it.

One of those losers in question is my former roommate, Toilet Brush (I promise, one of these days I will tell all of you about the nickname). She's one of those "I'm so dark and angry and cool" people. Now, if you are actually dark and angry, good for you- far be it from me to judge. But what does annoy me is people who play it up because they think it makes them "different." As a guy I went out with a few times said after meeting her, "what a fucking poser." Her claim was that she was "goth." Hmmm...correct me if I'm wrong, but people who are actually goth consider themselves that because they don't conform to traditional views of beauty. So they most certainly wouldn't go out and spend almost 20 grand on plastic surgery (boob job, lipo, and a tummy tuck), would they? And who the hell wants to go from a D-cup to a DD? Personally, I hate lugging around my "almost D-cups."

But the point of this post is not to tell you what a tart she was. See, Toilet Brush considered her MySpace blog to be a real blog. But here's what it actually was- a place where she posted bitter, non-sensical blurbs about why she hated everyone. Honestly, I have never met anyone as bitter as her. And she did so in multi-colored, multi-font shit.

One such post made me laugh at what a complete idiot she was. The post had two parts; the first was her bitching about the terminology "African-American." Basically, she was bitching that most black people in America are not from Africa. Whatever your view of that phrase is, most of us can respect a person's choice to be referred to by that widely accepted term. The entire first part of the post was her bitching about political correctness, and how stupid it is. I will agree, that in some cases, yes it is. Here's the kicker though. The second part of the post was a rant about people using the term "Spanish" when referring to Latin Americans. Her argument (if you can call it that) was that most people in that category aren't from Spain. She even was kind enough to break down the countries that were in Central and South America. How nice of her. What Toilet Brush failed to realize, though, was that the term "Spanish" is a language classification, not a country of origin classification. I am not blessed with the ability to deduce a person's country of origin just by looking at them, so I would certainly not refer to someone as "Salvadoran" or "Guatemalan." So I use the term "Spanish," since they are from a country who's primary language is Spanish.

I wouldn't have been so annoyed by the "blog" post if she hadn't contradicted herself so completely in the same post, thus proving what a complete idiot she is. Basically, in her eyes, we need to be politically correct when referring to Spanish people, but not when it comes to African-Americans.

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Thank-you Mr. Spurlock

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I've always had a very active imagination; and have always been able to visualize things pretty well. Which has come in handy on more than one occasion- particularly after seeing Super Size Me about a year and a half ago. See the minute something grosses me out, I will never go near it again, and McDonald's is no exception. Now, there were people who said that he only ate the worst things on the menu, and that there are lighter options; and one woman even went so far as to make her own documentary (can't remember the name- I didn't bother seeing it), where she only ate McDonald's (the healthier options) for a month and lost weight. I was reading about it in a magazine, and honestly, the amount of food she actually ate would have left most of us starving. Besides the fact that she missed the whole point of Spurlock's documentary. How many people go to McDonald's on a regular basis and only eat the small Fruit & Yogurt Parfait? Not very many. Now, I'm tempted, but I won't get on my soapbox about the laziness of parents who constantly take their kids to McDonald's- that isn't the point of this post.

I am very grateful to Morgan Spurlock for the documentary, because since I watched it, I have not eaten a single thing from McDonald's. The only thing I've gotten from there is a soda. Back to my ability to visualize- I'm not sure if I can accurately put it into words, but every time I think about McDonald's, I get this mental image of the fat and calories in that food. I can't really tell you all what it exactly looks like (maybe a big block of lard), but it is enough to turn my stomach. In fact, it works so well that the very smell of a McDonald's "restaurant" makes me sick. I honestly lose my appetite.

Also, if you didn't see the bonus features, please do so- they were very enlightening (so much so that I still remember them a year and a half later). One of those features actually tells you what "processed chicken" is (ie. chicken nuggets). Needless to say, it was scarring and I haven't touched any processed chicken since. Another feature showed what happens when you leave a burger and fries out at room temperature for an extended amount of time (a month or two). The fries from McDonald's looked exactly the way they did the first day- they didn't mold. Kind of makes you wonder what they do inside your body.....

Food for thought:
*Double Quarter Pounder® with Cheese- 730 calories, 40 grams of fat
*Large Fries- 570 calories, 30 grams of fat
*Chicken McNuggets® (20 piece)- 840 calories, 49 grams of fat
*Chicken Selects® Premium Breast Strips (10 pc)- 1270 calories, 66 grams of fat
*Deluxe Breakfast- 1220 calories, 61 grams of fat
*Hotcakes and Sausage- 770 calories, 33 grams of fat
*Chocolate Triple Thick® Shake (32 fl oz cup)- 1160 calories, 27 grams of fat

I'm so happy I have the ability to visualize fat and calories.

Is it any wonder why kids look like this?

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Damn....Someone sober her up

Monday, August 14, 2006

Not sure if y'all have seen this little gem or not, but daaaaamn. Brit's got some issues. Either that, or I want some of whatever she's on. My personal favorite- when she says she believes people can travel back in time.




Was anyone else as disturbed as I was by all the twitching?

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By The Way....

Thanks to NBC4 for quoting one of my posts and showing my blog. Not sure exactly what was said, since I was en route to the Steel City, but cool nonetheless. And thanks to my friend Drew who not only told me about that, but also texted me that morning to warn me to get to the airport VERY early (he's a TSA screener).

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Lessons Learned

I learned a lot this weekend. Namely:

*When you book a hotel near the airport and have a full day to spend by yourself, sans car, make sure it is at least close to some retail stores, and not in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but corporate offices.

*When you plan on spending that day by yourself laying by the pool, make sure the hotel pool has something to lay on, and not just some uncomfortable, rusty, old, metal chairs.

*Going to a wedding with your very hot mom may result in her getting all of the attention from the groom's cute single friends (who are your age) while you hang out with your very cool and very fun, but very eccentric "aunt" (she's actually my dad's cousin, but I've always thought of her as an aunt).

*They are going to have beautiful children:














*Wedding receptions can be fun; especially if both families like to booze it up- open bar ALL night, baby.

*Never fly standby during peak times (like Sunday afternoon), otherwise you may spend the entire day, waiting and praying for a flight home, and worrying that you will have to spend the night at the airport, sans toiletries and a change of clothes.

*If you are stranded at an airport, hope that it isn't Pittsburgh Airport.

*Pittsburgh sucks.

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Just My Luck

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Of course I would be flying on a day that the terror threat was elevated. Mental note- take any liquids (lotion, etc) out of my purse and pack it in my suitcase. Damn. What if my hands get dry?

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Insomnia Strikes Again

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Ok, so only about 2 hours of sleep last night. I think I've become immune to Tylenol PM. Anyone have anything stronger they can send me? Darvocet, Percocet, morphine, demmoral, or, better yet, a good traquilizer? Seriously, let me know.

One thing that came out of my inability to sleep last night: I've decided that there will be no more emo posts. In fact, no more emo from me period. No more dating, relationships, crushes, flirting, etc. I can't trust myself or my heart, so I'm just going to tuck all of that away in some dark corner of my mind. When I do let myself feel anything, I end up fucking everything up, and it has to stop. This heart is officially closed. I'm not letting anyone get too close anymore.

Anyways, hope everyone has a great weekend. I will be back on Sunday (or Monday) with stories of my wacky, crazy family, and hopefully some good pictures from the wedding. Also coming soon:

The Evil that is Wal-Mart
No, I don't watch 24
No McDonalds for me, thank-you Mr. Spurlock
The Toilet Brush Story
This Store is the Cat's Ass


Plus, some other goodies.

Have a great weekend.

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Guilt

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I never meant to confuse or burden you,
Or to make you doubt yourself.
I never wanted your head to disagree with your heart.
I'll never shake this guilt.

I wanted something I couldn't have,
And you wanted clarity.
I'm sorry I went too far and fucked it up.
I'll never shake this guilt.

I am bad,
I am trouble,
I am panic,
I'll never shake this guilt.
I am sorry.

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Family Values

Tomorrow will probably be my last post until Sunday or Monday, since I am flying to Pittsburgh on Thursday. Yes, flying, not driving. It's only a 5 hour drive, but as some of you know, the drive from DC to the 'burgh sucks ass. I hate that drive- PA Turnpike, Breezewood (the most gawd-awful town north of the Mason-Dixon).

Anyways, my reason for going to the 'burgh. My little cousin is getting married. Although, he is more like a little brother than a cousin. He's about a year and a half younger than me, so we pretty much grew up together, and since I have no siblings, and his little brother wasn't born until we were in our double-digits, he is the closest thing to a sibling I have. Our dads were stationed pretty close to one another in Germany, so we spent a lot of time together as kids, and when we moved back to the states, both families ended up settling in Pennsylvania (well, after we lived in Jersey and North Carolina). He and I both went to Penn State as well. So we've always been close. And now he's getting married. And she is perfect for him. They have got to be one of the cutest couples I've ever met.

See, our family is a little on the quirky side (wha? me? quirky? NOOOO). Our dads used to torture us. I remember one time, when they were eating pate and Dan and I wanted to try it. So, without us knowing, they put canned cat food on crackers and gave them to us. After we tried it, they told us it was "kitty pate." They also once put a noose around my teddy bear's neck and "hung" her. And they would hold us down and fart on us. Needless to say, Dan and I now have the same similar, strange sense of humor- he is the more laid-back version, and I am the more high-strung version of it.

That being said, it gives me hope that at least one of us could find someone who is willing to put up with the insanity that is our family (us included). So, maybe there's hope for me as well. I'm trying to be optimistic here, instead of just focusing on the fact that it's my little cousin getting married before me.

And the pictures? Weren't we just so damn adorable?


And a more recent one.......
Congratulations Dan and Jenny.

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Conversation with a F*ckbuddy, Or how to Ruin the Arrangement

Monday, August 07, 2006

My good friend White Dade always says that you should never have an actual conversation with a f*ckbuddy. I learned the reason for this last week.

Matt is (was) a great guy, and really great in bed. I don't see him very frequently, but we follow every last one of the rules. At least we did until last week. Normally when we IM, it's to talk about all of the dirty things we are going to do to each other. But for some reason, he was chatty last week and IM'ed me. Somehow, our conversation went to politics, war and religion. NEVER, EVER talk to your fuck buddy about these subjects. It can never end well.

Truthfully, I already knew Matt is a republican, and an analyst or something for the CIA (it's not a pick-up line- I've seen the ID), so I should have just side-stepped the conversation, but I was feeling self-righteous, so I didn't. Wow, do I regret that.

Turns out my fuck buddy is not only a republican, but an extreme right-wing republican. He was seriously pissing me off. And he seems a little racist as well. According to him, all Muslims want to kill everyone that isn't Muslim, and I'm un-American for having Muslim friends. Grrrr!!! He's also pro-life, and I don't think I need to tell you what side of that fence I'm on, so there was an argument there, too. He's also against gay marriage. Even now, when I think about our conversation, I get more and more fired up.

The problem with all of this? I didn't care about his politics or even his thoughts before. Now, I can't stop thinking about how narrow-minded they are. This wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't sleeping with him. Now I don't know if I can ever hook up with the guy again. The fact that he has those views makes me cringe, and I don't know if I can let him touch me again.

My advise and strong warning: DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FUCK BUDDY ABOUT ANYTHING THAT MIGHT PISS YOU OFF! Chances are, you will not want to know their opinion. And even when you win the argument, you've still lost.

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Good Times

Sunday, August 06, 2006


So Friday night, I made a last-minute decision to go to Happy Hour at Gazuza. And I'm glad I did. Had a great time. I was a little disappointed that Bad at Life didn't show up...I was really looking forward to meeting him. However, I did love meeting everyone else who was there. Met some new people, and finally met some blogger friends I've been chatting with for months. In attendace: KassyK (who's even prettier in person than in pics- if that's possible), Kathryn (really lives up to her Queen Bee status- she was so nice and the perfect hostess), DC Cookie (very funny), DC Bachelor, Circle V, Betty Joan, Heather B, Sally, Dasha (DCB's new intern- and really nice), and one of my new favorites- Velvet in Dupont. I also got to meet commenter Jay Gatsby- really nice guy, and cute. If I forgot anyone, I'm really sorry...had a few drinks, yanno. Everyone was really great.

I'm definitely happy I swallowed my social anxiety. Although, it was a little intimidating walking up to Kathryn, DCB, and V when I first got there; but they were all so nice.

And look for a joint project between yours truly and Velvet coming in the near future...as soon as we iron out the kinks.

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Looking Up

Friday, August 04, 2006


So this post may be a little scatter-brained, as I am fighting a killer headache and am going on almost no sleep (a week's worth of insomnia is finally catching up). The other day, Mark told me that he is moving. And....maybe it's the lack of sleep, or the recent change in my mood (thank-you, gluten-free diet), but for the first time in a while, I could care less. Holy shit. Am I well on my way to finally getting over him? Am I finally ready to rid him from my life completely? I honestly don't care. For some reason, I am finally realizing that I deserve better. It may have something to do with the much-needed attention I got last night (sorry, no details), or the great conversations with my male blogger friends (who are genuinely sweet guys), but I have no desire to be treated like that anymore. I think my relationship-masochism has finally run it's course. I am completely indifferent to anything he says or does. I don't even care that he's dating someone. Fuck, I don't care if I never see him again.

So, unless I'm just having an "I'm Every Woman" day, this is the last time you'll hear anything about him. I finally deleted him from my phone, and it felt fucking fantastic. Things are most certainly looking up.





***Edit: I just realized that the part about me getting attention last night sounds like I'm saying I got laid. Whether or not I did is irrelevant. My evening was not about sex...it was about someone making me feel very desired and very "wanted," regardless of whether or not there was sex involved. I'll let you make your own assumptions.

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How Much is Too Much?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Cardio that is. I think I might be a cardio addict. I do anywhere from 1 hour to 2, five nights a week. It's Wednesday and I have already done 4 hours this week. A few people have told me that it's too much if you are doing more than an hour a day, but I feel like I'm not doing enough if I don't do more than an hour. Today, for example. I worked out for an hour and felt like I was slacking off. And I try to switch it up as much as possible, so that I'm maximizing my workouts.

So is there such a thing as too much cardio? Is it counter-productive? I don't see how it could be, since I'm burning calories like crazy. I need help from my fitness junkies.

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One More for the List

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

It seems I may be able to add one more ex to the list of guys who meet their "perfect woman" after breaking up with me: Mark. Apparently, (as he felt the need to tell me last night) he thinks "she's the one." Fucking great. Hope she's better at putting up with the games, the lies, and the fact that, almost 2 years after his divorce, he's still living in his parent's basement.

Guess it just reinforces the fact that, even if he decided that he wanted me back, after all of the lies and horrible things he's said to me, I don't want him back. Ever.

On a related note, last night I discovered that one Lexapro, two Tylenol PMs, and almost an entire bottle of wine still aren't enough to cure a depression-induced insomnia.

I'm going to go play in traffic now.

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