What I've Learned

I realize I've kind of fallen off the face of the earth, and I've been really terrible at keeping in touch with people. But I've been doing a lot of thinking recently- and learning. So in the past months, I've learned quite a lot.

1. When you work in the hotel business, and are planning a trip to Vegas, it's always good to let your GM know- and hopefully, he'll email the GM at the hotel/casino where you were lucky enough to get your low, low employee rate and tell him what a great employee you are. And if you're super lucky, that GM will upgrade you to a suite on the top floor- at that same low, low employee rate. Just saying.

2. Work is just work. It isn't your life. And it really isn't worth stressing about. A job is a job is a job. And if you ever want to be happy, leave your work there when you go home. Stressing about your job or the people that you work with or the situations that occur between 9 and 5 will only bother you- and won't resolve anything. You can not control the situation- you can only control your reactions.

3. Getting down to 2 or 3 cigarettes a day after smoking for almost 12 years is torture. However, finally being able to run a mile without getting totally winded makes it all worthwhile- especially when, even in your best shape, you were never able to run a mile without getting winded.

4. Your entire personality can change when you lose 45 pounds. You can finally find the confidence you didn't even have way, way back when you were a size 2.

5. You can never compare your relationships to others. Never think that you have to keep up with the 'norms.' You've dated for a year and suddenly everyone you know is asking when you're getting married. So what. Don't let it bother you. Your relationship doesn't have to move at the same speed as everyone else's. And there's nothing wrong with that. Yes, it can suck to hear that from everyone at work. But guess what? Losing the love of your life because you're too impatient to wait until the time is right for both of you isn't worth it (no, that part isn't from personal experience- we're still together. but I did almost screw it all up by trying to force things). Sit back and relax. Enjoy the good times together. Not everyone moves at the same speed as you.

6. I once read that if you are happy in a relationship 80% of the time, then hang on for dear life and forget about the other 20%. And it's true. No one is happy 100% of the time- it's impossible. And if you're lucky enough to find someone who makes you happy almost all of the time, then thank your lucky stars for that. Most people go through their lives without ever finding that 80% person. And some settle for a 50% person. I've found that 80% guy- and it's one of the most fulfilling, amazing feelings I've ever experienced.

7. Forget the past. So you've never been able to trust any man in the past. You've been treated like shit. You've been lied to and cheated on. Maybe even abused. Let it go. Don't let the relationships of the past effect the way you deal with all of your future relationships. Forget the past- it will only ruin your future.

8. You may get hurt every time, but let someone in completely. Don't hold back. Don't protect yourself. There's a country song that says something about living like you're dying. That's true in relationships too. Yes, I've been hurt more times than I can count. But I almost shut down and stopped letting people in- and in doing that, I almost pushed away the one good one.

9. Examine your past. There may be something that has molded and affected every relationship that you've ever had- without you even realizing. Get those things out in the open. It's amazingly cathartic. Telling someone you trust about something that has torn you apart for your entire life immediately relieves you of that. You may not even realize how horrible what you went through was. You may not realize that, just because there was no physical aspect doesn't mean that you didn't go through years of abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse are still abuse.

10. Not everyone will like you. And who cares? Wanting everyone to like you and being desperate for acceptance is no way to go through life. And it's agony- worrying about what people think about you and what they are saying behind your back. And you know what? It doesn't really affect your life. If someone doesn't like you, then forget them. Simple as that.

Didn't mean to get preachy on you all- just wanted to let everyone know why I haven't been around. Take what you want from this post. It is what it is- me 'writing' down my thoughts.

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It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight

I don't know what it is, but when I read this little piece of news, the theme song from the Muppets suddenly started running through my head.

Maybe it's because of this picture:

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Reaction

So I've been hearing a lot of people use the lame ass argument, "well, if Vick had been killing people/babies/what-have-you, no one would care. Which is the argument people always use in situations like this, and is a completely moronic approach.

So, because I (think I) made my point very eloquently over on Velvet in Dupont, when Drunken Chud tried to compare the situation to Pacman Jones, saying that this is getting more media attention, I will just copy and paste my reply to him here. That way, any of you idiots that try to accuse me of putting more value on an animal's life. (note- I am not calling DC an idiot- he actually made a much more valid point than any of the other negative commenters...unlike others, his comment was not "you wouldn't care if he was killing babies," but a more sensible and legitimate argument. Go to Velvet's to read the whole thing).

*EDIT: And furthermore, if Vick had treated people the way he treated those dogs, he would be facing a death sentence instead of only a possible 6 years in prison.

Ashburnite Says:
July 25th, 2007 at 8:08 am

DC- I actually have heard of pacman jones. No one is saying that this situation is any worse. How is it that so many people are jumping down the throats of those of us who are outraged? None of us are saying that torturing dogs is worse than torturing humans. You’re missing the point. We live in what is supposed to be a civilized country. Yet we have people like Vick, who people idolize, doing disturbing things to other living creatures. And it has been proven over and over that the kind of person who could torture an animal is the same kind of person who will eventually kill a person- either way you slice it, it’s sociopathic behavior. Someone who can look at an animal- something that is completely innocent- and then torture it is someone with no regard for any kind of life; someone who does not possess the kind of morality or sympathy for other creatures that would keep most of us from doing something like that.

pacman jones is a thug who’s ego got way out of hand. Was what he did wrong? absolutely, and I hope he spends a great deal of time in jail. But that situation does not make the Vick situation any less worthy of our attention. Jones was suspended without pay for the entire 2007 season, and there’s a good chance he won’t be playing at all- ever. Vick was suspended, yes, but with pay. The most he’s going to get is a fine and a slap on the wrist.

Are we saying that an animal’s life is more valuable than a person’s? Not at all. The point is that Vick is a sociopath, and behaved in a manner not appropriate for a civilized society.

Ashburnite Says:
July 25th, 2007 at 8:31 am

I also have to wonder about the people who aren’t angry about this. They’re probably the same kind of people going to the dog fights and betting on which dog will tear the other apart.

So there you have it. My argument to all of those people. Next time you try to make the argument that we are placing more value on an animal's life than a humans, think of that.


**Edit: I actually just read INPY's argument, which is very similar, but, in my opinion, a little more eloquently stated than mine. If you have time, go take a read.

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Sicko

I know this story has been covered to death, but I need to put my two cents in. It's pretty obvious that Michael Vick was, in fact, involved in this, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I honestly wish I hadn't read the full article, namely the details of what happened to the dogs who lost fights, but unfortunately I did. And I've been disgusted since.

I have never been able to hear news of animal abuse without crying. Yes, I know, I'm a total sap who cries about everything. But animals are innocent. They are not malicious. They are not spiteful. And they certainly do not deserve to be treated like this- ever. I keep picturing those poor dogs and the way they died and I can't stop thinking about it. I firmly believe that anyone who could do something so heinous to an animal deserves to be shot in the head. Harsh, yes. But so is the fact that that person could do something so cruel and disgusting to another living being- and a completely innocent one at that.

And I know, innocent until proven guilty. But we all know our legal system is pretty much broken, and that Michael Vick will probably not get much more than a fine and a slap on the wrist. This is a man that children look up to. He's a star. And the fact that, knowing that he is idolized, he could be involved in something like this is shameful. It's sick.

So, Michael Vick, if you're out there, you disgust me. You are the worst kind of person imaginable. You are someone who can hurt (and probably profit from the pain and suffering) an innocent creature. I hope you rot in hell, you sick bastard.

And anyone who agrees, if you haven't already done so, please go here and sign the petition. (Thanks to Beakerz and Velvet for posting this earlier)

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The grunter, the strutter and the non-wiper

I am lucky enough to work somewhere with a decent gym which is hardly used. So every day, I spend my lunch break there, sweating my ass off. Normally, there's no one there during this time. However, sometimes I'm lucky to be in the company of some of the most annoying gym personalities. Today was one of those times. I was just going about my business, going through my triathlon of cardio equipment- elliptical, bike and treadmill (running, of course).

Now, I'm not one to criticize other people in the gym, unless they're real assholes. This guy walks in, wearing a wife-beater and a huge silver chain. As he strutted past me, I couldn't help but notice the air of cockiness coupled with the fact that the guy was nothing special- and certainly not built. But whatever. I go about my workout, trying to burn as many calories possible. He starts lifting, and right away he's grunting. Grunting is one of the single most annoying thing you can do in the gym. Then, he starts making all kinds of obscene noises- noises that sound like they belong in the bedroom, not in the gym. By this point, I can't hear the tv over him, so I paused the treadmill and turned up the volume on CNN. Oh, and another loathesome quality- he did not wipe down a single piece of equipment. Disgusting.

The bedroom noises went on for over 30 minutes. I was getting more and more annoyed. The even more annoying part was that (keep in mind that all of the walls are mirrored) every time he walked around, he stared at himself in the mirror. He even stopped to...are you ready for this....flex in front of the mirror. So, as I was switching from the treadmill to the bike, I passed one of the weight machines that he had been using. As I glanced at the weights, expecting to see something like 240 lbs, I was shocked. He was lifting 40 pounds. He wasn't grunting and groaning while lifting 240 pounds, he was lifting less than my grandmother lifts.

After seeing that, I glanced at him (flexing in the mirror) and couldn't help myself. I sat at the machine, changed the weight to 80 pounds, and lifted 3 sets of 12 with barely more than a loud exhale.

The only thing worse than an arrogant meathead is an arrogant guy who thinks he's a meathead. The thing that bugs me is that this guy obviously wants everyone in the vicinity to see/hear him and be impressed. Next time, he should probably lift a little more than 40 pounds. Because, as Shania said, "that don't impress me much."

But then again, there's only one (very amazing) man that impresses me :-)

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Thank you

It's been a long time coming, but thank you to everyone who offered their condolences. It really meant a lot to know that there were people out there thinking about me- even if they never met me.

Things have been pretty rough, and unfortunately, it looks like nothing is going to happen to the bus driver that killed him. Apparently, bus drivers are pretty much able to drive however they want without repercussions. So my family and I need to move on. Being Solomons has been incredibly difficult and emotional, but we need to do it- it was one of Brian's favorite places.

So that's the update. And thank you again.

xoxoxo

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New Project

So, inspired by my friend Avin and her 99 Products blog, I've started a new project. I really haven't had much to say on this one, since things in my personal life are not quite as dramatic as they used to be. However, when it comes to beauty products, I'm a junkie. I spend more on makeup, hair products and skin products than I do on clothes, and most of them really don't work. So I've started reviewing them. I only have two posts so far, but I figured I'd give you guys the link anyways. I'm pretty sure my male readers won't be all that interested, and for that I'm sorry guys; but the girls out there may be.

So, without further ado:

Product Addict

And for those of you with no interest in it, have no fear. When something worth posting happens in my personal life, I'll let you all in on it.

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Scary Stuff

Is anyone else terrified that the world will self-destruct before the end of the year? Because all of this shit scares the hell out of me:

first

second

third

fourth

and last, but certainly not least...and perhaps the scariest

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Sad. Angry. Numb. Angry. Sad.

It has taken a little time for me to write this, and I'm sure I'll have to keep stopping to collect my thoughts. On the morning of May 2, my baby cousin was killed when a school bus failed to yield and made a left turn in front of his motorcycle. He was killed on impact. His dental records were needed to identify him. He was only 23. In the 13 days since the accident, I have been going through a roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts. I should have spent more time with him. Every time I saw him he would say, "(Ash), we need to have lunch together soon," or "I don't see you enough." I can't help but be overcome with guilt. I wish I had spent more time with him. We spent summers together in Solomons, MD, but other than that, I didn't see him often enough.

Brian was unbelievably optimistic. He had a smile that would melt your heart. He could always make me laugh and never had a bad word to say about anyone. And now I will never see that smile again. And it breaks my heart.

I went to Solomons this weekend with my aunt, uncle and cousin (his mom, dad and sister). We had reserved a cottage six months ago and Brian was so excited about it. He couldn't wait to get out on the boat with his dad and I- the captain and his two first mates. My uncle and I went for a ride on the boat yesterday and it just felt empty.

I'm also angry. Angry at that damn bus driver- if I ever see her, God help her. Angry at Brian for leaving us. And angry at the priest who performed the memorial service who took the opportunity to give mass instead of honoring the memory of my little cousin. The priest who told us "Brian won't get into heaven just because he was a good person. Nobody gets into heaven that way." Well, mister- fuck you. Brian was an unbelievable person and most certainly will be in heaven.

I don't even know why I'm writing this- I guess I just needed to vent.

My baby cousin and his girlfriend

My family mourning at the crash site.

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Sorry Kass, but.....

I was not going to openly boycott Blogger Happy Hour because of Kassy's involvement in hosting the event, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like the right thing to do. I was not going to go anyways, but a stronger statement needs to be made. Velvet has been a great friend to a lot of us, and has always stuck up for us. When certain people felt attacked by Rob, Velvet stuck up for them. And what did she get in return? Those same people stabbed her in the back. I remember not too long ago when Rob made fun of some people (including myself), and emails went out all over the DC blogging community, calling for a "take down" of him. But who was one of the only people brave enough to comment as herself on his blog? Velvet. And now it seems the tables have turned. It turns out that Rob may not be the bad guy- just someone who stirs the pot a little. Recent events have opened a lot of our eyes, and we are seeing people for what they really are. And I, for one, can not support people who have reportedly made racist, sexist, and homophobic statements- among other things.

I realize that I can barely be called a blogger anymore- and I'm fine with that. I no longer feel the need for acceptance in this group. Like one commenter on Big Head DC said the other day- I am too happily entrenched in my relationship and career to worry too much about this silly blog- because that is what it is. I never planned for it to get as popular as it did, and when it happened, I realized that wasn't what I wanted. I had only wanted a creative outlet for all of the neurotic, ADD mess in my head. But I can't complain- I've made friends through this blog, and I even met one of the most important people in my life because of it. I am happy that people identified with me and enjoyed reading this. I loved all of the emails I have received. But, as always, the bad always comes with the good. I have tried to lead a drama-free life, and outside of this blog, I have succeeded.

I may still update once in a while, when the mood strikes. But for the most part, I think it's long past time to put this thing to rest. I hope that the friends I've made will still keep in touch, and I will probably still be reading certain blogs once in a while. Like I said, there may be updates every now and then- so don't write me off completely yet.

Take care everyone- it's been fun.

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Complete

"Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists. . . . When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence".

Edmond de Goncourt (1822-96) and Jules de Goncourt (1830-70)

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Out-of-towner

My first 'real' vacation- without my family. And I couldn't be more excited. We're heading out tomorrow morning.

First, here:

Then, here:

Finally, here:

Hope y'all have a great week! I know I will!

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Complete Happiness

"Because of you I'm running out of reasons to cry."

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Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

I am, but unfortunately, some other people aren't. Has anyone watched this at all? I can't believe how idiotic our country is. How do you not know that Columbus Day is in October? Or that R.E.M. stands for Rapid Eye Movement? Or that there are 15 teaspoons in 5 tablespoons?

It's so sad that grown-ass adults do not know the answers to 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade questions. In my opinion, the contestants should not win any money- the kids should. The adults on the show should walk home with their heads hung in shame.

I'm actually disgusted at this show- but I can't turn away- it's just such a trainwreck.

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Idol?

All I can say is that if Antonella Barba is not booted from American Idol this week, we'll know that sh*t is fixed. Remember Frenchie? She wasn't even naked in the pics (or performing oral sex) and he was kicked off.

I'm sure Antonella's parents are so proud of their Catholic University daughter.**

**No judgement- I'm just saying that if you're going to be on American Idol, there better not be any naked pics of you floating around.

After seeing the other pics of her, this picture made me laugh my ass off:

Now the question is, was she pretending the mic was something else, or was she pretending that "something else" was a microphone?

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Happy Birthday to ME!!

Holy shit I'm old. 30 is getting a little too close.

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Monday Potpourri

Yes, I realize I haven't posted in a long time. Things have been crazy around here. My boss just landed a dream job at a very posh hotel in LA- which is great for her, but means a shit-ton more work for me. I'm doing 2 people's jobs for the same pay. However, it's a great learning experience, so I guess it's worthwhile.


You like me. You really like me. I won "Best DC Blog" last week (yay!). It was the first weekly competition, with me facing off against Mister Jinxy, Dumb Things I have done lately, Bathroom Reading, Big Fat Slob, Drunken Reveries of a Cynical Mind, Barzelay, Big Head Rob, Irina is always right, Katrina Morgan, The Liberal Banana, Roosh V, Twenty-something Sam, and Virgle Kent.


It was an honor being nominated, and I hold my competition in the highest regard (well, almost all of my competition- *wink*). Now I can proudly display my winnings:

Things have been going well with "George Clooney," but I will not get into that- I'm keeping that private- thankyouverymuch. I will tell you, though, that we are going on a cruise in March. Perfect timing- I know I'll be ready for sun & sand.

This will also be the first Valentine's Day in a very long time that doesn't make me want to run out into traffic. For the first time I'm not dreading February 14th.

In other news, my birthday is 8 days away, and my mom will be visiting this weekend. Which means lots of shopping (woo hoo!).

Oh, and I discovered a new favorite food. Normally, because of the Celiac, going to Macaroni Grill is torture- I debate whether or not to eat something I really love (pasta) but am allergic to and will ultimately regret, or to eat something I'm not really into will whomever I am dining with enjoys their pasta. Well, no more. Macaroni Grill has an awesome salad- it's heaven in a bowl- the Seared Sea Scallops Salad. Seriously- I am in love. For my other Celiac buddy- definitely try it.

I wasn't going to mention the whole Anna Nicole debacle, but I can't help myself. I really feel bad for her- and now for her baby. This woman has been through so much, and was basically a running joke. It's so sad. She never saw a dime from her marriage and has spent so many years in court, fighting for what was rightfully hers. Was it wrong for her to marry some old geezer for money? Maybe, but who are we to judge? Whether or not it was wrong, that money was left to her. I'm sure J. Howard Marshall was not so stupid that he didn't realize she was after the money. But he still left the money to her, so she must have had some redeeming qualities.

Anyways, I promise I won't wait an entire week before posting again.

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The roommate chronicles Part II

So last time, I talked about my roommate first semester freshman year. After that semester, I moved into the dorms with one of my sorority sisters, Vicki. Vicki had a fiance, Chris, who was a year younger, so he was still in high school. Which, for most women, would mean that she spent most nights in her room or in the library, being a good girlfriend. Vicki was not most women. She was a certified "frat mattress." We went out at least four nights a week, and she would bring home a guy at least twice a week. Usually different guys. And when we would come back to the room, there would always be more than a few messages from Chris- normally whining into the machine "Viiiiickiiii.....wheeeeerrre arrrrre youuuuuu...." or crying (literally) about how much he missed her, or singing "I just called....to say.....I love you" every. single. night. He was the single most spineless guy I have ever met. She would play these messages in front of whatever guy she brought home. Then she would proceed to have sex with him in her bed- about five feet from me- while I tried to sleep.

She even once called Chris, after a fight, while having sex with a guy- and told him she was sleeping with someone else. He came the next weekend and begged her to forgive him. Oh, and the reason she was mad at him? The fight that drove her to call him while screwing a Phi Sig guy? That fight was because Chris wanted to come on Valentines day weekend, get a hotel room, and have a romantic weekend and Vicki had other plans for that weekend- namely, making her way through a good portion of the Pi Lam brothers.

She was also one of those people who has a new "best friend" every month. I swear, if all of the people she asked to be her maid of honor actually ended up in her wedding, she would have had half our sorority in her wedding party.

Now, I didn't really have a huge problem with her, other than the revolving door that was our dorm room, and we actually were friends, but I definitely learned quite a bit from her- namely, the kind of person I never, ever want to be. What I could never figure out, though, was what made her the way she was. Why she would stay with a guy like Chris (spineless), and continually treat him like shit. I also could never decide if she actually enjoyed the way she treated him, or whether she was just confused (or psychotic).

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An open letter to Comedy Central

Dearest Comedy Central (CC),

We've been together for a long time, and it pains me to write this, but I think we have reached the end of this relationship. You used to be so great. I could watch you for hours. You had great comedians and shows that were actually funny. You showed reruns of "Saturday Night Live" and "Who's Line is it Anyways?" And on weekends you showed funny movies. I could always count on you for great programming.

But lately, you've been slipping. You switched from SNL to "Mad TV." Now, I know Mad TV was probably cheaper, but was it worth it? It will always just be a cheap imitation of the real thing. You switched from a name-brand toilet paper to a scratchy generic one. But, I loved you, so I hung in there. I gave you a second chance- namely because you still had "The Daily Show," which more than made up for your lapse in judgment.

Then you stopped showing funny comedians (like Dennis Leary and Dennis Miller), and started showing hacks like the big guy from "Last Comic Standing" and Larry the Cable Guy. And you gave up the funny movies for shitty 80's movies. Even "South Park" stopped being funny. But, still, we had such a long history that I couldn't just walk away. I still loved you and didn't want to face reality.

But you've gone too far and I don't think that I can look at you with respect any more. First, you start showing "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" every weekend. Then, you add "Blue Collar TV" to your programming. Blue Collar? Seriously? Do you really find that funny? And now...this is completely shameful. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you, CC. Embarrassed and ashamed. "Naked Trucker and T-Bone?" Where did you come up with this garbage? You've become "Redneck Central." Either way, this is the end.

So, CC, I'm sorry, but I just can't do this any more. We've been living a lie- pretending that things were still the same. I'll still drop in once in a while for "Scrubs" re-runs, and the occasional quickie with Jon Stewart, but I can't see you more often than that. Please, take care of yourself. I'll miss you, but I'm sure this is for the best.

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Your choice is the one thing no one should be able to take from you

Today, the 34th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, is Blog for Choice day (click on the pic above to read more).

Luckily, I have never had to make that choice. And I don't know what I would do in that situation, but the point is that I have the choice. We all have the choice. Please make your opinion known- especially considering the Supreme Court is now largely republican.

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More Sugar Daddies!

It's time to look at some of the gold-digger ads. These aren't quite as funny as the men, but I did find a few winners in here.

1. GetItGirl25 is a 24-year old single woman looking for a sugar daddy between the ages of 18 and 90. Wow, she's picky. In her words: "Im good fun. I'll have you laughing all the time. I will NOT give you no DRAMA...If you want to know more. contact me!" If her only selling point is that she "won't give you no DRAMA," then she needs to find some hobbies. What ever happened to "I enjoy long walks on the beach, cuddling in front of a fire...."? Oh, and this is what she's looking for in a man: "Obviously be able to take care of me. I need some one who can handle me! NO ABUSIVE MEN!" Here I thought that the "no abusive" part was pretty much a universal requirement for women, but apparently we need to specify that- note to all of the women with personal ads. I'm wondering if there are men out there who read her profile and thought, "wow, she sounds interesting. Maybe I should cont....oh, wait. She doesn't like abusive guys. Damn."

2. CMR0730 is a 25 year-old in Silver Spring, MD with high hopes. "I'm an outgoing 20-something year old who's always been daddy's-little-girl and enjoys being pampered, spoiled, and well taken care of - ya' I know they're virtually all the same thing, but I just wanted to get my point across. :) I enjoy shopping, relaxing, traveling, movies, nice dinners, spas, working out, spending time with friends, socializing." Yeah, because most of us don't like those things. What she's looking for: "I'd like to find that special man who also enjoys the finer things in life. He absolutely must be taller than me, as well as outgoing, and have a sense of humor (and one that's not sick and twisted) I love laughing; it's the best workout anyone could get, so any man that can make me laugh is super sexy to me. I love good conversation and getting to know someone better, so being able to hold an intelligent conversation is highly important to me. I love sports - mainly football (college & NFL) and I would like someone who is equally enthusiastic about sports as well as having an athletic build and enjoys a good athletic competition every now and then. A man who cares about his appearance - i.e. well groomed: hair, nails, breath, teeth, cologne, nice clothes, etc. but not a metro-sexual. I'm not interested in any men that are married & looking, or have children and are over the age of 40." Sweetie, you do know what dating site you're on, don't you? Do you think that you're actually going to find all of that on Sugardaddyforme?

3. Allwomen25 hails from Gainesville, VA and has the headline "Allwomen looking for her dream man." Umm...ok. She says "I am Allwomen looking to find someone to spend time with. I am very sexy and will do what ever I have to to get what I want." Ok, so what's with the "allwomen" thing? She's said it 3 times, and I still don't understand what in the hell she means. Maybe if she had said "Allwoman," which could be translated to an "everywoman," but plural? And "I do what ever I have to to get what I want?" Is that supposed to be a good quality in a woman? Some of you guys may be wondering, "wow. I wonder if she'd be interested in me." Well, here's what she's looking for: "He must have it going on and can take me places and get me what I want. I am very spoiled and need my wants and desires to be handled." He "must have it going on?" Maybe you should clarify that, hun, since most Sugar Daddies are, by definition, older, and may not be familiar with that phrase. And please, for the love of god, would someone tell me what an "allwomen" is.

4. asianbabe07 is a 40 year-old divorced woman from Falls Church. No disrespect to the over-30 crowd, but how is a 40 year-old going to call herself a "sugar baby." And shouldn't someone that age be able to take care of herself?? She describes herself as "I am very loving, caring, and sensual person. I make sure that I will make my man happy and satisfied. When I have you I won't be looking and won't be with another man . I'll remain to be yours only for as long as you want me!" Ok, it sounds like you're looking for an owner instead of a partner. Honey, maybe you need to browse the S&M sites for a "master," because it sure as hell sounds like that's what you're looking for. So what is she looking for? "I am looking for a loving, generous, kind, and understanding man. I want to be treated like a princess, to be pampered and spoilt and in return I see to it that he won't regret it!" Princess? Really? Because no other woman on this site wants to be treated like a princess. Real original. Oh, and it's "spoiled," not "spoilt." Seriously, does anyone even use spell check anymore? All I'm saying is type it out in Word, run spell check, and copy and paste so that you don't sound like a complete moron. (Aside- maybe some bloggers out there need to use it as well?)

5. Here's some brevity from kaykay85, a 21-year old from Glen Burnie, MD. "I a sexy mama nows how to hav fun caring." "nows how to hav fun caring?" Seriously, spell check. What she's looking for: "White and handsom knows how to havea good times." Wow. Just, wow. Honey, I hope Mr. White & Handsome gives you some money so that you can finally earn that G.E.D.

Ok, more to come....It's been a great day....not a care in the world. Seriously.

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Pathetic has a new name

So I was driving in to work today, listening to the radio, when the dj starts talking about a website called SugarDaddyForMe. Honestly. There is a website devoted to young, vapid women in search of rich, shallow older men. So, of course, I had to check it out. Now, I'm not going to get into physical appearances or anything, but come on. There are 698 women in the DC area on this site. Women looking for men with money. And 538 "sugar daddies" looking for gold-diggers. This is just too sad.

For your reading pleasure, here are some of the profiles:

Sugar Daddies:

1. First and foremost we have "10inchplus"...that is actually his headline, not his screenname, but I couldn't resist. 10inchplus is a 44-year old man in McLean who is "married but looking." In his words: "Handsum hard working guy thats very down to earth. Im always looing for new ways to improve on any and everything, especially my woman." I think Mr. 10-incher should learn to use spell-check.

2. Notoriouscrack's headline reads "a hottie with a body." Good for you. He is a 35 year-old single man in DC. His "about me": "I am very manly and would want many girls to have fun with. i am a pimp." And what does this gem want from a woman? Well, in his words, "hot sex b3tch." Wow, that's a great way to find a quality woman.

3. RHODEIMIKE needs to figure out where his Caps Lock key is. He's 35 and divorced. I'm guessing his name is Mike and he is from Rhode Island....just a hunch. Now he lives in Glenarden, MD and is looking for this in a woman: "BEAUTIFUL LADY WITH NICE BREAST AND PRETTY EYES. AMBITIOUS YET WILLING TO TAKE IN KNOWLEDGE. LOYAL AND A GOOD LISTENER. SMART BUT NOT TOO SMART. DRESSES WELL AND ESPECIALLY SMELLS GOOD." Wow...smart but not too smart. Nice breast, huh? Only one of them? Oh, and "smells good" is always one of the most important qualities to look for. I'm not saying it's not important, but to actually list it as what you're looking for?

4. DSteel is a 37 year-old married man from Cloverly, MD. Ladies, don't let this one slip away: "I'm a 6'2" Athlectic, Bald, Chocolate Brotha who's also Lover who gives Sexual Fantasies and Delivers Sexual Pleasure. I write Erotica and Enjoy creating new Stories from Real Acts of Pleasure." Now, he's a little vague as to what he's looking for in a woman, so let's see what else he has to say: "Someone to have some fun with and who is as comfortable Making Love to me in the corner of Crowded Room of Strangers as I they are in a Private room alone." Oh, that's nice. Freak.

5. Spenta must have had some experience "padding" resumes: "CEO of a multinational company. I travel worlwide and would welcome the company of a sophisticated, intelligent, adventurous lady to accompany me as a companion/sugar babe." Translation: he owns a Quizno's store. "Genuine opportunity to be financially and otherwise fulfilled beyond your expectation." Translation: he'll buy you a vibrator and some cubic zirconia earrings. Are we really supposed to believe that the CEO of a "multinational company" needs to go searching a site like this to find women?

Looks like I may need to cover the women in another post.

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5 Secrets

The lovely miss View from Dupont tagged me today, and it's been a while since I've posted a meme, so what better way to finish the week.

I have to list 5 secrets...there really aren't any that I haven't already posted on here, so nothing shocking.

Secret #1: I've never been to Canada. It's strange considering I grew up only a few miles from the NY state border, and Niagara Falls really wasn't that far, but it was cold enough in PA, no reason to go somewhere colder.

Secret #2: I've met far too many people with the same birthday as me. In my sorority, sophomore year, there were three of us on the same day, and two who were the day before. I've never had a job where I was the only one with my birthday. At my last job, there were three of us (in an office of less than 20) with the same birthday.

Secret #3: My family is crazy...like reality-show crazy. I know everyone thinks there's is crazy, but seriously...an evening with them is an entire month's worth of blog posts.

Secret #4: There are quite a few people with the same name as me, including my "twin" cousin (we're a few months apart), who happens to live in northern VA as well. Family functions were interesting until everyone started calling me by my middle name, and her by our first name (our middle initials are the same as well).

Secret #5: along those same lines, my last roommate had a very similar name (same initials, same first name, similar last names). When our other roommate went to leave notes for one of us, she could never figure out how to address it- First name? nope, that's the same. First name and initial? nope, those are the same. Initials? nope, same there as well.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to fill it out, please feel free.

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Wanna buy a man?

Or just a date with one. The NotGirls' Charity Auction starts tomorrow, so get over there and bid on your favorite man. Some of us (who are already in a relationship) will be doing some strategic bidding (hey, it's for a good cause).

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The joys of an HMO

*Warning- This post may make the guys out there a little uncomfortable- it’s about girly-parts; or more specifically seeing a girly-parts doctor when you’re covered by a shitty HMO.

So last week was time for my dreaded annual exam. Lucky for me, I’m covered under the wonderful Kaiser Permanente, so I knew they’d take good care of me. I called to make my appointment about two weeks ago, and requested a female doctor (sorry guys, I just feel more comfortable going to a woman). Hmmm….no appointments until February. So, I ended up making the appointment with a male doctor. Do I know my gyno? No, because in the wonderful land of Kaiser, doctors come and go way too often for you to have the same doctor twice.

Well, it has become painfully clear that Kaiser is most certainly a large corporation, who’s only concern in profit. I am just imagining some of their big decision-making meetings: “How can we save/make more money? Well, I don’t think women feel exposed enough when they visit us, so instead of those cheap paper gowns, let’s switch to even cheaper paper shirts. That 2 feet of thin paper that covers their asses is a whopping $1 more per case. As an added bonus, female patients will have to sit there, with their asses exposed to the door (because the table always backs to the door) while waiting 2 hours for their doctor. Why are they waiting 2 hours for their doctor? Well, because we are going to start scheduling appointments in 10-minute increments. After all, it shouldn’t take long for them to do the full exam, especially because our patients shouldn’t be asking questions. They should take the birth control that we give them (whichever drug company pays us more that month), and be quiet. And if she wants some form of non-hormonal option like an IUD? Well, then we need to jack up that co-pay as high as possible, say $250 to discourage this. We need to do everything possible to encourage them to use archaic drugs- push that Ortho Tri-Cyclen!! If she has had a bad reaction to hormones? So what! Take them anyways! And if she starts asking about something for mood swings? Paxil or Prozac. So what if she would prefer something in another drug family, like Wellbutrin. We don’t care what she wants.” I could go on and on and on. I think you get the point.

It’s just a damn good thing my gyno was a pretty good-looking guy in his 30’s, instead of the old Pakistani man that I got last time.

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The roommate chronicles Part I

So I've had some very interesting roommates throughout my life, so I thought I'd share some of the stories with all of you. Hope some of my roommate nightmares entertain you (and make you feel a little better about some of the ones you've had).

Roommate #1- 1st Semester Freshman year- Talisha (aka. "The Militant")
My first semester no dorms were available, so I ended up having to live in off-campus housing (which the school semi-arranged). I was extremely naive and innocent and still believed that everything was puppies and sunshine. Even after living all over the place and finally settling in rural PA (in the 3rd grade), I was still very sheltered. The town that I grew up in was 99.99% WASP, so I was never exposed to racism. My parents also taught me to never judge people by their appearance, race or beliefs. So race was never a thought in my mind.

Until I moved in with Talisha. She made it abundantly clear that she hated white girls the day I moved in. How? By telling me "I hate perky white bitches like you." Subtle. I remember hearing her on the phone the day I moved in saying "they put me with some skinny white cheerleader. No, I wish I was kidding." She was rude to me at every turn. Any notes she left were addressed to "white girl." And the thing is, I was never anything but nice to her. Granted, I have no idea what her life was like, but she was from Pittsburgh, not Detroit. Luckily for me, I had decided to pledge a sorority, so I was never home after the first month of school. And I spent the rest of my time at my pledge sisters' houses. I didn't want to go home. I stopped there every once in a while to pick up mail and get clean clothes.

During the time that we lived together, Tupac died. She wouldn't leave the house for a week. I would hear her crying, or on the phone sobbing and saying "why?" To this day, I honestly don't understand. I don't think she was related or even knew him, so why so upset? Seriously people, how is it someone could mourn a celebrity's death like that? At least Princess Di helped people, so I could understand mourning her.

Anyways, thank gawd that a dorm opened up for me second semester. One of my sorority sisters and I moved in together. And she was a whole 'nother story.

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I need your help!

Ok, so I'm jumping on Nicole's bandwagon and doing the whole Coke Rewards thing. I figure I've drank so much Coke throughout my life that I may as well get something out of it. Only, I don't drink as much as I used to, so I'm not getting as many points as I would have, had I been collecting codes in the past. Thus my need for your help. If any of you drink Coke (or Diet Coke) (and aren't already giving Nicole your codes- I don't want to take them from her), PLEASE give me the codes! I made a resolution to stop spending so much money on beauty products, so I really, really could use the Sephora gift card (4,000 points). You can either leave the codes in comments or email them to me. Thanks.

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Guess I don't matter....

So this year (at work) is not starting off well at all. Before I tell you what is going on, let me first start with some background on my job. I am a systems analyst- which in the hotel business means that I am responsible for running all of the reports that let sales and catering managers know how well (or not well) they are performing. I also am responsible for monitoring group performance, as well as setting up new users in our systems. My job requires a lot of concentration- especially for someone with severe A.D.D. I need peace and quiet to do it well. If I mess up, people don't get their bonuses (boo hoo, by the way...I don't get a bonus). I am also responsible for forecasting our short-term revenue, as well as the full year's catering revenue. And for some reason, unknown to everyone who knows what I actually do, my position is hourly- so I am not a manager. But, since I work in the executive office, and not an admin, people think I am a manager- therefore, I have to behave like one and "set an example."

That being said, recently, my hotel created a new position for our sales admin (which she very much deserved), making her a manager. Only, there are not enough offices in the hotel for more managers. Most people share offices. Up until today, I was in a great office, with a huge window, and a fantastic (quiet) office mate. But since I am not a manager, and we have a manager now without an office, I was forced to move. I am now in the admin area, along with our meetings concierge (who is pretty cool), our new sales admin, our business travel manager and her assistant. Five of us in a relatively open area. Next to the fax machines, printers, filing cabinets, and supplies. Oh, and the travel manager and her assistant? They talk constantly. Seriously. Neither of them can shut up for more than 5 minutes. And the travel manager is completely computer illiterate- she still cannot attach a file to an email without asking for help. Don't get me wrong- everyone in my "office" is very nice- just some a little annoying.

The simple fact is that I was moved because I am not a manager...therefore, my ability to do my job does not matter. So much for the little guy. Now my only "divider" is a filing cabinet being used as a "wall."

I know that I am being whiny, but seriously- wouldn't you be upset??

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