The F Bomb

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Anyone who's dated for any amount of time has no doubt been a victim of the dreaded F Bomb.  You meet someone, have a few dates, are coasting along comfortably, then suddenly BAM!  The "friends" speech.  The "you're such a great person and I really like being around you, but I just don't have romantic feelings for you... but I do want to be friends" speech.  One of my good friends went through this fairly recently and decided to take the guy's offer of a FWB situation.  Basically she really did like him and apparently the sex wasn't too shabby, so she locked her hurt feelings away and accepted his offer.

I, unfortunately, am not sure I'm capable of doing that.  When faced with this situation in the past, I have tried (very unsuccessfully) to put my feelings for the guy aside and be his "friend."  I should mention (from a college experience) that this is doubly hard when the guy does decide that he has romantic feelings for your roommate.  I think it's clear to anyone who has read any of this blog that I am not very good at putting my feelings aside.  In fact, my feelings pretty much control my life. 

However, when you really do enjoy the other person's company and care about them, shouldn't you want to be in their life?  Even if it means seeing them happy with someone other than you?  It's a dilemma I have faced a few too many times.  Apparently I'm "great," "easy to talk to," "an amazing woman," etc; which all means nothing when the person saying such things has decided that, despite all of those great qualities, he is just not that into me. 

And the even bigger dilemma?  How I get someone to see all of those things AND think of me as someone he wants to be with?  It's a delicate balance- showing your great qualities without crossing over to the "friend" zone.  You want that other person to feel comfortable enough around you that he wants to be near you, but not so comfortable that he thinks of you as a "buddy" (in other words, if he passes gas in front of you you've clearly moved into the buddy category).

I've tried not being the kind of woman men are comfortable around with little success.  I end up coming off as an uptight bitch.. especially because it's not in my nature.  Despite all of my neurosis, in person I am very laid-back (or at least come off that way). 

So I guess what I need to do is to determine exactly what qualities or actions put me into the "friends" category.... and stop doing them.


LiLu 6/10/2010 10:03:00 AM  

I don't know about that... I think when you meet the right guy, you can 100% be yourself, and he loves you just the way you are.

Corny, but true. :-)

Anonymous,  7/29/2010 10:43:00 PM  

Your friend is selling herself short. FWB is just way to waste time on a relationship that is going nowhere.I would have smacked him dead in his face when he made the proposal. Now that probably would have been satisfying to your friend.

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