Emotionally Flawed

Something has been bothering me for a very long time.  As long as I can remember, in fact.  I have known many men who were emotionally scarred or crippled in some way.  Yet almost every one of these men were able to find women who would put up with it (myself included).  In fact, I know quite a few men with emotional issues far worse than any myself or my friends suffer who are in some sort of successful, loving relationship.  And it's really beginning to piss me off.

The problem is that we, as women, only have ourselves to blame.  We meet one of these men- someone who is incapable of expressing love; someone who is an emotional wasteland; someone who is so fucked up we don't even begin to know how to describe his issues- and we think, "wow, someone must have hurt him so badly.  I'll give him my love and make it better."

But what about us women?  If we show even the slightest hint of emotional baggage (and who doesn't have it) too early in the relationship, men jump ship immediately.  We are thought of as needy, or psycho, or some other nasty manifestation of what every man is afraid of- The Crazy Chick.  Despite what the romantic comedies tell you, show any man the slightest vulnerability before the 6-month relationship mark and I guarantee he will bolt. 

Most of us spend so much time trying to hide our "crazy."  And can we please be honest here?  Everyone has their own crazy...and those that don't have absolutely no personality.  I prefer to think of my own crazy as "quirkiness," and I warn any potential suitor about said quirkiness from day one.  I am painfully honest.  Better to have someone start dating me, knowing that I can be overly sensitive and sometimes cry for reasons I can't even explain.  And the thing that kills me most about this- when it does happen- when I do show that vulnerability, those men (who were warned from day one) are surprised at it.  Is is selective listening?  Are men just unable to grasp these facts when they are presented up front?  Do they need to actually experience it to believe it?

I am so tired of opening myself up and being completely honest in an effort to weed out the men who are scared of emotions, only to have the men who do read my dating profile- the men whom I tell "I can be needy sometimes," get scared the minute I show even the slightest bit of neediness.

So what do I do?  Should I continue to be upfront about my flaws, hoping that some day, that man who really is unafraid will come along and love me because of/despite of those flaws?  Someone who will give me a chance past the third date and realize that, while I may be a bit insecure and needy at times (no matter how good I am feeling about myself), I am worth getting to know better....

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Horton Vineyards

(I'm being really lazy here and just copying & pasting my review from TripAdvisor & Yelp)

I rarely write reviews for anything.  An experience has to be either incredible or incredibly terrible for me to take the time to review it.  I'm making an exception here, because half the experience was fantastic.  The other half was terrible.  Horton gets 3 stars simply because the wines are great.  There truly is something for every palate. 

That being said, my friends and I drove several hours last weekend specifically to visit Horton.  We go to all of the Northern Virgina festivals and love Horton's wines.  Unfortunately, you are not able to taste everything at the festivals.  They do not bring all of their wines (understandably, as there are about 40 of them) and the crowds prevent you from really being able to enjoy the wines.  Hence our decision to drive 3 hours to visit them.  We really wanted to be able to try everything.

Unfortunately, when we told the woman pouring that we wanted to try all of the whites, fruits and deserts (reds are upstairs in a separate tasting area), we received a lot of attitude.  I feel it's important to mention that we were all fairly sober and VERY polite to her- even after she practically ignored us and rolled her eyes at us several times.  Each time we finished tasting one, she asked what we wanted to try next (ummm....the next one on the list perhaps?).  It felt like pulling teeth to get the woman to pour some wine for us.

After finally getting to try everything downstairs, we went upstairs to try one wine- the vintage port.  Bob was pouring upstairs and was such a refreshing change after being treated so poorly by the wine nazi downstairs.  He was friendly and encouraged us to try others that we probably would not have otherwise tried.

We only tried a few, since we were starting to feel the effects of the earlier whites.  However, we hadn't decided which wines to buy, so we decided to trek back downstairs and try the 2 chocolates again (with a different pourer- since the first was so rude).  When the first pourer saw us going to a different counter, she gave us a very nasty look and told the woman who was about to pour for us not to. 

All three of us ended up buying, but we did it grudgingly.  If all of their wines were available at Total Wine, we definitely would not have made any purchases after the way we were treated. 

I understand that pouring wine all day for drunk people probably isn't great, but the staff at Horton need to keep in mind that a lot of the people there travel to Gordonsville specifically to visit their winery.  While I love their wines, I don't think I will be visiting Horton again after the way my friends and I were treated.  And I certainly wouldn't recommend it to other friends.  I usually try not to drive 3 hours to be treated like crap- I can get that at some of the Northern VA wineries.

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Dating Fool

So lately, in an effort to break my habit of putting all of my eggs in one basket, I’ve been on a lot of the dating sites and meeting a lot of people.  I’ve got quite a few dates lined up....and some of them I’m pretty “meh” about.  But, you never know.  One of these guys who doesn’t excite me via email may end up being “the one.”  So why not give all of them a shot, right?

The problem is that, I think deep down, I’m just plain lazy.  Serial dating just seems like so much work.  There’s all of the emailing and chatting and getting to know the person; followed by the supreme effort of making first-date conversation.  And the getting ready part? Foggetaboutit! Not to mention the let-down when one of the guys who was great via email and IM turns out to be a bore in person.  Add to that the possibility of rejection and you have a recipe for my current high level of anxiety.  As the number of men I date increases, so does the risk of rejection.  And considering that I am still recovering from the last few rejections (the big one in particular), I’m not sure my self-esteem can take it.

That being said...if you are out there and read this and believe that you are my soul mate, please save me some time and effort and just contact me.  The thought of doing all of this work to find someone I can stand for the next 50 years is giving me anxiety attacks.

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Me in a nutshell

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and at times hard to handle. But, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

-Marilyn Monroe

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