Be Mine?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The decision to exclusively date someone has always been a mystery.  Maybe I should rephrase that.  The timing is what baffles me.  I've read on numerous sites that the time line is somewhere around three months.  Personally, I think that's a bit too long.  But given my afore-mentioned inability to "juggle," it's not surprising that I prefer to date only one person at a time.

Of course, it all depends upon your specific relationship.  If you and the other person only see each other once or twice a month, I would consider the three-month timeline accurate.  However, I have always preferred to take myself off the market when I meet someone with which I see any potential.

That being said, I've made the mistake of jumping into that decision way too quickly- like after the first date.  Big, BIG mistake.  Why?  Because when you inevitably realize that you don't really know that person, or that they drive you insane (or any other variety of reasons you've realized your mistake), you have to have that uncomfortable conversation.  And, being that I am essentially chicken-shit, I tend to lean toward the "I'm not ready for this" cop-out.

The standard answer is "when it feels right."   However, if like myself, you want it to feel right every time you like someone, it's hard to know the difference between the situation "feeling right" and my desire for it it to feel right.  That is, I tend to convince myself that something is right because I want it so much.

There is also the fact that, in an age where you typically email and IM someone quite a lot (assuming you have met this person online) before even meeting.  You get to know the person before you even meet them.  This throws off the traditional custom of using the first several dates actually getting to know the person. 

So how do you decide when to become exclusive.  Damned if I know.  And I still have yet to master having that conversation without sounding like I'm asking "would you like to go steady?"


Miss Informed 10/17/2010 12:30:00 PM  

with every "dating" post you write i feel like you're in my head pulling out my thoughts and jotting them down on paper. i can relate. i know what you mean. i'm always the one wanting to take it to the next level and being exclusive which now that i begin to think about it, it never really works to my advantage.

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