With this Ring.....

Monday, August 02, 2010

Lately, I've noticed an increase in married men on dating sites.  Are they admitting to being married?  Nope.  Are they emailing me, claiming to be single, chatting with me, meeting me, leading me on, then disappearing?  Yep.  How do I know they're married?  Well, my friends, as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

Let me explain.  (And I'm also crossing my fingers, hoping that there are women out there who are experiencing the same thing).  On four separate accounts, I have met someone online, chatted with them for several weeks, then been either unceremoniously dumped via email or had the always fun "disappearing act" pulled on me.  After analyzing the progression of events, I then realized that the guy was married.  Am I assuming? Only in the case of the most recent guy.

Before I get to this most recent one, let me tell you about one of the ones for whom I have marital confirmation.  We met via an unnamed free dating site.  And, my being a logical person, I assume when someone posts their picture and lists their status as "divorced," that they are being honest.  Guy #1, we'll call him Mike (which may very well be his real name- *wink*).  We began chatting months ago.  He claimed to have been divorced for 3 years.  He (of course) had an anynomous email address and would not share where he worked (understandibly....being a blogger, I tend to be very careful about these things as well).  After two weeks of IM-ing, emailing and texting (never in the evenings- which should have been hint #1), he asked me to lunch (hint #2- if a man does not want to meet for dinner, something is typically not on the up-and-up).  Unfortunately for him, at the time I was still in the hotel industry and therefore only got a 30-minute lunch break.  So instead, he suggested what at the time I thought was a fantastic first date idea (also winning him bonus points).  He taught a beginners karate class on Friday nights and suggested I attend one of the classes.  We could then get a drink afterward (hint #3- he plans dates around times when he has other activities).  The date went well and we seemed to hit it off, however, he had been checking his watch quite a lot.  I even remarked "am I keeping you from something."  His response was that he had karate class the next morning. 

He said that he wanted to see me again, and the following week we chatted (always during the day) quite a lot.  We finally set up a second "date," where we met for ice cream one evening after his karate practice (see hint #3).  At the time, I thought, "strange- he wants to meet at Coldstone, but there is a Maggie Moo's much closer to where we both live."  But again, I ignored yet another glaring sign (hint #4- he does not want to meet anywhere near his neighborhood). 

After more chatting and emailing, I finally pressed him for a weekend date.  That's when he disappeared.  When I told the entire story to a friend, she simply said, "honey, he's married."  So I did a little research, and sure enough- married.

Guy number two and I never met.  We chatted and sent texts for almost a month before I finally said "enough."  I should also mention that after two weeks of chatting, we had set up a date- for lunch (of course).  On the day, he canceled, claiming to be sick.  But like I said, after a month of chatting (always during the day), I finally said "either we meet or that's it.  I'm not looking for a chat buddy; I'm looking for a relationship."  He got angry; I got angry; we left it at that for the day.  The following day he emailed me and said "you're really fantastic, but I want to see someone when I can see her and when I cannot, I cannot."  Upon some reflection, I'm thinking he was married as well.

So now I'm seeing the pattern:
#1- he only chats during the day
#2- he wants to meet for lunch
#3- he plans "dates" around existing events in his schedule
#4- he does not want to meet in his neighborhood
#5- he gets angry when you push him for a weekend/evening date/chat/phone conversation

Is anyone else seeing this? Or do I attract married men for some reason?

8 comments:

Anonymous,  8/02/2010 10:15:00 PM  

So, um, want to meet for a cup of coffee tomorrow at Starbucks?

Anonymous,  8/03/2010 06:42:00 PM  

I don't think anyone I've met online has been married, but my understanding is that there are in fact a large number of married people on dating sites. And people lie like freaking crazy online! I began online dating a few months after a long-term relationship ended and immediately stumbled upon a profile for my ex. In his profile he listed his age as 37 (he was 51) and said he was looking for women ages 21-37!

suicide_blond 8/04/2010 01:25:00 PM  

if being flakey and unavailable = married..id have a big ole ring on! sometimes people are just flaky and unavailable...
i usually blame travel and work...but sometimes its just cause i wanna sit at home naked with ben&jerry and netflix..
xoxo

Anonymous,  8/06/2010 08:08:00 AM  

Other red flags
-always pays cash, never plastic
-owns two cell phones
-whenever you call it always goes straight to VM
-never answers his cell phone around you
-vague about where he works, just simple statements like "I am an attorney for a large law firm"
-his VM doesn't state his name, which could be a red flag that he is using a fake name
-if under 40 and doesn't have a Facebook profile is a likely sign that he is hiding his "real" life and profile.

Ashburnite 8/06/2010 08:55:00 AM  

Anon 1- I'm guessing you're married?

Anon 2- how did the guy think he would get away with saying he was 37 when he's 51? did he not think a woman would notice the difference?

SB- very true. And I've been known to be flakey too. But when the guy also won't share any details about his life...something is up.

Anon 3- all VERY good flags. Sounds like you've had the same experience??

Anonymous,  8/06/2010 05:52:00 PM  

Sure, I'm married.

Does that mean no coffee? How about a frappucino?

(I'm kidding, here. Good to see you blogging again. I was taking a spin thru my old links and I see you're back.)

Anon 1

Ashburnite 8/07/2010 08:59:00 PM  

Anon 1- nice to see you again! Still giving people a hard time, I hope? missed you!

Rebecca 8/25/2011 09:02:00 PM  

no I don't think you are married I think there are just a bunch of unfaithful liars out there.

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