Literary Meme

I was tagged by minijonb with a literary meme. While I don't read a lot of actual "literature," I do read a lot. So forgive me if this isn't quite as intellectual as everyone else's, but that's just how I roll :-)

1) One book that changed your life: Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
2) One book that you'd read more than once: Pride & Predjudice by Jane Austen
3) One book you'd want on a deserted island: War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy ~ I figure that if I can’t read it then I won’t ever be able to read it. Could also be decent for kindling. (I am keeping Rachel's answer on this, since it's exactly what I would have said).
4) One book that made you laugh: Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding
5) One book that made you cry: Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
6) One book you wish you'd written: Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden (seriously a great book)
7) One book you wish had never been written: The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (I hate games).
8) One book you're currently reading: The Wonder Spot by Melissa Bank
9) One book you've been meaning to read: Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife by Linda Berdoll (Circle V recommended it some time ago- it's the continuation of my favorite book, Pride & Predjuduce).

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We Are......

...Penn State.

Even though we aren't having the best season, I just have to say that this weekend's game was great. And this pic (borrowed from the Brewer Patriot) pretty much rocks.
Yep, I count 4 Purdue players trying to take him down. Right on.

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Halloween Costume Ideas

I got these from Funny Co-Worker, in case you guys are still stumped on what to be for Halloween. Enjoy!

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Yay

Thanks for the shout-out, Wonkette!!!

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Counting

I know I've mentioned my OCD before, but everyone always assumes it's like Monk, and I have to wipe every surface 37 times or something similar. While I do have some of these ritualistic tendencies, mine is a little different. I'm obsessed with numbers. This usually doesn't interrupt my somewhat-normal life, but there are times when it becomes down-right dangerous. Which is where it's heading right now.

Some background- I was annorexic in high school (see picture below). And took laxatives as well. I got disgustingly thin (for someone with my build), and have since destroyed most of the pictures from that time. The one below is one of the only remaining pictures, and it had only survived because I wasn't at my worst in that picture- I lost almost another 20 pounds after that was taken. And still thought I was fat.

Why do I bring this up? Not because I am starving myself (yet), but I feel it could easily go that way. For people like myself, who have suffered from eating disorders and are obsessed with numbers, it's a slippery slope. In the 5 plus years I have lived in Virginia, I have gone up about 3 dress sizes. I stopped thinking about calories and had no idea how many I was consuming. And now I am not comfortable with my body. Trouble.

I have mentioned my love of Chipotle before, and had no idea how many calories are in just one item. I love the Steak Soft Tacos, but yesterday, when I was craving them, I actually looked at the calorie content- almost 1200 calories! The tortilla shells alone (small flour) have over 100 calories each. So if just the shells have that many calories, how many calories are in other things? This led to me counting the calories in everything I eat. Which basically led to yours truly spending an hour on the elliptical and not eating dinner last night. Now, thinking about how the food in our employee cafeteria is prepared, and how many possible calories I'm consuming at lunch, is making me opt for a plate of lettuce with vinegar as dressing.

So you can see how dangerous this is for someone like me. The question is how do I still eat healthy without becoming so completely obsessed with what I'm eating that I end up skipping meals? I don't think anyone who doesn't suffer from OCD can really understand- the common answer is "well, don't go over-board," or "everything in moderation," which are things that I would love to be able top do, but when you have OCD, that "helpful" advise is pretty much worthless. And I certainly don't want to end up like this again:

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There are valuable lessons everywhere.....

So normally I don't really do the whole movie review thing, but I saw a movie over the weekend that really struck a chord. No, it wasn't in the theaters, since I almost never go to the movies anymore (ADD). It actually just came out on dvd, and is definitely worth seeing. I was actually shocked about how many of my coworkers hadn't even heard of it- I know all of you have.
Anyways, "Thank You For Smoking" is probably one of the best movies I've seen all year. The character development (with the exception of Katie Holmes- she was terrible) and plot were great, and the writers/producers were successful at developing a character who, while you are disgusted at what he does, you can't help but love. It's a movie I could watch over and over again.
It's also somewhat inspiring. The main character, Nick Naylor, is the most hated man in the country- a lobbyist for big tobacco. Yet he is able to win anyone over, including a 15 year-old with cancer, just by his words. To someone who often stumbles through speeches and never argues; not because I don't believe in my point of view, but because I am horrible at convincing others of my point; this guy is a hero. He even manages to be a great role-model to his son by teaching him to debate, and to always question authority.
The movie definitely teaches you how to win an argument- basically, you never have to prove your point, as long as you can disprove the other person's point. The best line in the movie (and something I am going to try to remember): "That's the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you're never wrong." There are so many memorable (and hilarious) lines in this movie, that even my mom (who is VERY anti-smoking) even loved it. Take, for instance:
Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills.
Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor?
Kid #3: No.
Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind?
Kid #3: No.
Nick Naylor: Well then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?

Anyways, I highly recommend this movie, and will probably run out and buy it this weekend.

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A Meme....I know, I'm sorry

I hate these things, but I'm uncontrollably drawn to them.

So, the idea behind this meme is that you bold every one of these things that you've done and leave the rest in standard typeface. So, here we go!
01. bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. swam with wild dolphins
03. climbed a mountain
04. taken a ferrari for a test drive
05. been inside the great pyramid
06. held a tarantula - In an effort to try to get over a fear
07. taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. said "i love you" and meant it
09. hugged a tree
10. bungee jumped
11. visited paris
12. watched a lightning storm at sea
13. stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. seen the northern lights
15. gone to a huge sports game
16. walked the stairs to the top of the leaning tower of pisa
17. grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. touched an iceberg
19. slept under the stars
20. changed a baby's diaper
21. taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. watched a meteor shower
23. gotten drunk on champagne - who hasn't??
24. given more than you can afford to charity
25. looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. had a food fight
28. bet on a winning horse
29. asked out a stranger
30. had a snowball fight
31. screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. held a lamb
33. seen a total eclipse
34. ridden a roller coaster
35. hit a home run
36. danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. adopted an accent for an entire day
38. actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. had two hard drives for your computer
40. visited all 50 states
41. taken care of someone who was drunk
42. had amazing friends
43. danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. watched whales
45. stolen a sign
46. backpacked in europe
47. taken a road-trip
48. gone rock climbing
49. midnight walk on the beach
50. gone sky diving
51. visited ireland
52. been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love- hello.....Mark
53. in a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. visited japan
55. milked a cow
56. alphabetized your cds - I have OCD, what do you think???
57. pretended to be a superhero
58. sung karaoke
59. lounged around in bed all day
60. played touch football
61. gone scuba diving
62. kissed in the rain
63. played in the mud
64. played in the rain
65. gone to a drive-in theater
66. visited the great wall of china
67. started a business
68. fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. toured ancient sites
70. taken a martial arts class
71. played d&d for more than 6 hours straight
72. gotten married
73. been in a movie
74. crashed a party
75. gotten divorced
76. gone without food for 5 days - used to be annorexic
77. made cookies from scratch
78. won first prize in a costume contest
79. ridden a gondola in venice - does the Venetian in Vegas count?
80. gotten a tattoo - 3 so far
81. rafted the snake river
82. been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. gotten flowers for no reason
84. performed on stage
85. been to las vegas
86. recorded music
87. eaten shark
88. kissed on the first date
89. gone to thailand
90. bought a house
91. been in a combat zone
92. buried one/both of your parents
93. been on a cruise ship
94. spoken more than one language fluently
95. performed in rocky horror
96. raised children
97. followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. passed out cold
99. taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country- I grew up in a foreign country
100. picked up and moved to another city to just start over- it's how I ended up in VA
101. walked the golden gate bridge
102. sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. had plastic surgery
104. survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived- still haunted by it
105. wrote articles for a large publication
106. lost over 100 pounds
107. held someone while they were having a flashback
108. piloted an airplane
109. touched a stingray
110. broken someone's heart
111. helped an animal give birth
112. won money on a t.v. game show
113. broken a bone
114. gone on an african photo safari
115. had a facial part pierced other than your ears - Tongue
116. fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol - Not at anyone, I know what yall are thinkin
117. eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wildside - if this means 'shrooms, then yes
notewhere is 118?
119. had major surgery
120. had a snake as a pet
121. hiked to the bottom of the grand canyon
122. slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours - Flu
123. visited more foreign countries than u.s. states
124. visited all 7 continents
125. taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. eaten kangaroo meat
127. eaten sushi - All the time
128. had your picture in the newspaper -
129. changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. gone back to school
131. parasailed
132. touched a cockroach
133. eaten fried green tomatoes
134. read The iliad
135. selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. killed and prepared an animal for eating - Fish counts right?
137. skipped all your school reunions
138. communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. been elected to public office
140. written your own computer language
141. thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. built your own PC from parts
144. sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. had a booth at a street fair
146. dyed your hair - I dont even know what the original color was
147. been a dj- not "officially," but I've been known to take over the music selection
148. shaved your head
149. caused a car accident
150. saved someone's life- was a lifeguard in hs

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Are People Really this Dumb?

So roommate, her friend, and I found a townhouse that we love love love (to rent). Our lease is up November 30, and we really don't want to stay in the tiny little apartment we're in right now, especially when we can rent a townhouse for about the same amount of money. The only catch is that the place we found (and adore) is huge, and the rent is a little higher than we are willing to pay. The solution- rent out the basement to a 4th person (trust me, this place could comfortably fit 6, so 4 is not a big deal). So I posted an ad on Craigslist to find that 4th person. We have a few good candidates, but what I've noticed more than anything is the number of scam emails I get. Last year when we were looking for a roommate, I remember only getting one or two of them. In the three times that I've placed the ad, I've gotten easily 30 scams- some of them with the exact same message. It's really getting annoying. Some examples:

Jane Mark
HelloHow are you doing,I went through your advert on craigslist and I have developed a profound interested in your room,I will be moving to state soon and am hoping to be there for my educational leave and also looking forward to have my Master degree in a good university around.So am looking to spend almost 12 month in your state.....please i'll like to know the total move in cost of the room and the breakdown details of the house and the utilities as well as the picture of the house if available,as i'll not be able to check out the place until my arrival,Aarrangement can be made for payment prior to my arrival since i'll be moving down from Uk as soon as i'm able to reach an accord with you......Method of payment???Here is a little info about myself...... I am Jane Mark,26 years old female. work with a ACTEXO TEXTILES LIMITED in UK Regional office,gentle easy going i dont smoke but sport lover and outgoing person, am 5.4fit plus tall. Moreso i do want to know from others and know seek others people opinion and respect others choices as long as they do not harm others and generally am very happy. I am very outgoing and enjoy meeting others. I do not smoke. I am very interested in other cultures and find each and every person interesting to me and like hearing what they have to say on matters. Well, I guess that is about me for now.I'll expecting your email as soon as possible..pls kindly reply me your email to my privat email box Await your kind response .Talk to you later .Jane

Lauren Greg

Oct 19 (1 day ago)
How are u doing? I saw ur advert pls u will have tomail with the details of the room to includes rents and utilities.But let mejust give some hints about myself. My name is Lauren Greg 26, Female,Straight a christian born in USA and am a model but I am presently in africaon a modelling contract and i will be back to the state this october.I would like to move inthis month.I would like to rent for a long term period.I really need a placeto put my head when i get to the state.I am a very happy, independent,educated, reliable person that get along with pretty much anyone,very niceand loving person,fun to be with.i dont keep late nite.most importantly I amrespectful of other\'s privacy,time,and personal items.Do you accept a(CASHIER CHECK/INT\' MONEY ORDER) as a mode of payment.. Please let me know yourmind on this.I will like to know more about you This is very important Regards"

Or, my favorite, the down-right rude emails:
Hi
I came accross the posted house for rent.i ll like to know if its still available email me again with the below details so we can proceed and have some things done concerning the Rent.

Kindly email me with
1} RENT FEE.MONTHLY 2} MOVE-IN DEPOSIT 3} ADDRESS OF THE PLACE FOR RENT 4) WILL YOU TAKE A CASHIERS CHEQUE/MONEY ORDER FOR MOVE-IN DEPOSIT 5} HOW LONG RENT LEASE DO YOU REQUIRE ( 6/12 MONTHS ) 6) DO YOU HAVE PICTURES ? SEND THEM
I will be expecting to read answers to the above questions asap my email adderess is; mareenfbd323@yahoo.com Regards.
Maureen.

I personally love when people who want to be my roommate send demanding emails- "Do you have pictures? Send them." and "I will be expecting to read answers to the above questions asap." Well, then I guess you will be disappointed, since I am not sending you shit.

I had finally had enough the other night, and decided to start replying to them. My email:

"question- does anyone actually fall for this scam??! I've received about 20 different emails that all say exactly the same thing, all from different senders. If you people want to steal money from people, you're going to need to get more creative, especially when you just relpied to all 3 of the ads I had listed at the exact same time with the exact same (horrible) wording. Stop trying to rip people off- we Americans are not quite that stupid."

There was one of those responses that I got that had sent the exact same email to all three of my email addresses (I have the place listed 3 times, each with a different email address), so I made damn sure I responded to that person all three times (from the different email addresses) with the exact same response.

I haven't heard back from any of them yet, and I'm sure I won't, and they won't stop trying to pull this scam, but damn it felt good.

So here's the question- are we really that stupid that, after hearing about these scams all over the place, and considering Craigslist warns you about scams, we would actually fall for this?

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I shouldn't do this when I'm high on painkillers....

...but I will anyways. Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, but codeine makes me loopy. Why am I high right now? Funny story (not really).

Let me first start by telling you that Celiac Disease weakens tooth enamel, which explains why I have always had issues with my teeth. In 7th grade I had a minor accident and lost part of one of my front teeth. So I've had a crown, secured with a long pin, on that tooth since then. Well, Friday night, about 30 minutes before I was to leave for Happy Hour, that pin finally gave out, taking half the tooth with it- in other words, both the crown and the tooth split down the middle and broke off, so I only had half a front tooth. Well, obviously, I started freaking out, crying, etc. Needless to say, I'm not good in a crisis. Luckily, Roommate is. Her mom has a crown on the same tooth that always comes off, so she called her mom to find out what she does for it. Y'all will never believe what she uses- Crazy Glue. So, being the resourceful girl she is, Roommate had some on hand. So, I Super-Glued the crown back on. And, well, since no one noticed at happy hour (or since then), it obviously worked.

I was nervous that the glue wouldn't hold out for very long, so I made an appointment with my dentist. I went in this morning and told the dentist what happened, and that I couldn't afford to get a new crown right now, but wanted a temporary fix. His response- "I can't tell you to use the Super Glue, but honestly, it works much better than dental glue, which is what I would use right now to fix it. So I would leave it alone." He checked it (pushed on both sides) and told me "wow, you did a better job than most dentists. It's really on there."

I did, however need other work, and since I was already there, and off work, I told him to break it down for me. Eek. All I can say is that I went into the wrong profession. I need about $7,000 worth of work, $2,200 after insurance. Because of the Celiac, I get cavities very easily. And this is embarrassing to say, but I need a total of 8 fillings and 3 crowns (including the Super-Glued tooth), and a root canal.

I went ahead with the root canal today, which is the second one I've had. The first one was painless and quick, so I wasn't nervous. In fact, I have always thought, "why do people always associate a lot of pain with a root canal? They aren't that bad." Well, turns out this one was a LOT more invasive than that first one. It took almost 3 hours, 4 shots of novacaine, and 6 x-rays. Towards the end, I wasn't numb anymore, and could feel everything. This was one of the most painful things I've been through. I felt the file in my sinus. The doc gave me some Tylenol 3, but my mouth is still throbbing. The codeine part has kicked in, but the Tylenol part has only dulled the pain. I'm loopy and "foggy," but still hurting.

My fear of dentists still stands.

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Old Friends, New Friends

So last night I dragged my roommate to Happy Hour at The Big Hunt- it was I-66's turn as the new co-social chair (Sweet unfortunately was unable to attend). And let me just say, I-66 did a great job as host...and those were some very big shoes to fill.* And I think his predecessor would be very proud. And, for those who participate in I-66 points, I got a sweet (and much-needed) prize for winning- an iTunes certificate...thanks, I-66.

Quite a few people came out for I-66's debut, and it was great seeing people I already knew, and meeting some great new people. Of course, two of my favorite people were there- KassyK and Velvet...both looking fabulous, as usual. I finally got to meet one of my favorite bloggers, Bad at Life....just wish I'd gotten to chat with him more. Also in attendance: Virgle Kent (who smelled delicious, by the way), Circle V, Red, Irish Red, Brunch Bird (was great finally meeting her as well), Home Improvement Ninja, Law-Rah, JoeLogan, DC Sports Chick, E, VP of Dior, Heather B, and damn...I know I'm forgetting quite a few people, but I didn't stay very long (could tell roommate was getting bored). So if I forgot you, please let me know...and I'm sorry.

*Before BHR accuses me of being snarky again, let me just say it slowly- I mean "big shoes" figuratively, not literally.

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hmmm

Do you guys think that the fact that I co-worker is an ignorant, annoying bitch with a princess complex would stand up in court as the reason I strangled her?




because I'll do it....seriously.

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Fake It 'Til You Make It

I've always believed that you can convince yourself of anything. Want to be a workout junkie but hate actually working out? Just lie to yourself (and everyone around you- it's the only way this works) and say "Oh, I love working out." Eventually, you will believe it. Trying to get over someone you are still head-over-heels in love with? Keep telling yourself that you are over them- eventually you will be. Or will you?

I've been using this tactic for quite a while now, and while it may be healthy in some cases (like working out), I can't help but think that I may be doing myself a disservice by repressing certain things. I finally got over Mark (sorta- I think) by continuously saying things like "I'm over him," or "I don't care anymore" to everyone I know (and on this blog). But is it really true or have I just pushed those feelings to the darkest corners of my brain, like I do with everything else I don't want to think about (bills, my not-so-great credit score, etc).

I know that repression can lead to major problems later, and it's much healthier to confront your feelings, but I am completely non-confrontational- in every aspect of my life, so I prefer to ignore the things that I don't want to face.

But I'm getting off topic here. My point was basically this- can you convince yourself of pretty much anything and change any negative behavior? I'm going to try to act like a confident person, rather than the painfully shy, self-conscious person that I really am, and see if it does anything to change my level of confidence. Basically, I am going to put "Fake it 'til you make it," to the test and see if it actually works.

Anyone want to try this experiment with me? (doesn't have to be confidence, just any behavior you want to change). I'm curious to see if it really works, so the more participants, the better.

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Blue Monday

Yours truly is feeling pretty down today. My mom was here this weekend, and we had a great time, but I always get a little sad when she leaves (or when I leave her house). But that's only one part of my blue Monday.

Someone said (texted) something to me this weekend that I'm completely confused about. I'm torn about whether to let it get to me. What they said was just one word, "don't," but considering what I had sent them, it's completely perplexing and really hurt my feelings. My mom, ever the optimist, tried to come up with some less-scathing explanation as to what it meant, but my roommate (who's as jaded as I am) agreed with me- that she would be upset if she were in my position. So, being the OCD- mess that I am, needless to say, it's been bugging me since Saturday night. It would be one thing if I didn't like/care about the person, but I do. Just wish I knew what he meant.

I realize this is cryptic, but it's meant to be. I don't know any other way to put it without putting the person it's in reference to on the spot. But hopefully that person will read and offer some logical (and not hurtful) explanation. Or, maybe I just need to develop thicker skin and not let things bother me.

**Edit: And to top things off, I found out this weekend that my Great-Great Aunt, Aunt Mac- the cornerstone of the family, the person who sent gifts for every birthday, graduation, wedding, etc- passed away last week. She had just turned 100 in July- and was still just as sharp as when she was young. Rest in peace, Aunt Mac.

So, for your viewing (and listening) pleasure; and since it's a blue Monday for me- another kind of Blue Monday:


Or, better yet, my favorite new(er) song; since I'm blue and it's October, Blue October:

(this song almost always makes me cry)

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Irrational Fear

All of us are afraid of something, be it heights, flying, commitment, etc. But how many of our fears are rational? What happens when you are afraid? For some of us, it's debilitating. My most debilitating is enochlophobia, or a fear of crowds...although, I'm not sure if it's an actual fear or if I am just severely uncomfortable in crowds- basically social anxiety. Either way, it is the major reason for my opting to stay in on a Saturday night, rather than going to a club with my friends...or choosing a small dive bar over some crowded, popular bar. So what happens to me? Panic attacks. I'm not sure if I could accurately describe what a panic attack is like, but my friend Alice gives a pretty good description.

Whenever someone says that they have a fear of something, the logical question is "Well, did you have a bad experience?" It would make sense, wouldn't it? But how many of us have fears that we can't explain away? I certainly have a few- like the enochlophobia. I have no explanation for that, except that it may stem from a bad E roll (that's an ecstasy high for those of you straight-laced types*) in college. I was in a crowded club, having a really bad roll. Basically, I freaked out. Come to think of it, I've pretty much avoided crowds since then.

And why are so many of us afraid of spiders? Most spiders are harmless, but a good percentage (myself included) are terrified of them. In fact, I am pretty much scared of any bug with more than 4 legs (other than catepillars). In fact, I will not go anywhere near a centipede- those things freak me out and move WAY too fast.

But perhaps my most irrational fear (and it's probably my strongest, most intense one) is clowns. Words cannot describe how afraid I am of clowns. And I honestly have no idea why. I remember my first experience with this- I was 3 and we were here in the states visiting my grandparents (I grew up in Germany). My grandparents thought it would be great to take me to the circus. I was having a great time, until the clowns came out. I still vividly remember the fear I felt. I screamed my head off, and my grandfather had to carry me out of there.

The fear that so many people have that I really don't understand is a fear of commitment. Especially considering we live in a time and a country where divorce is pretty normal,** so why has it become progressively more common to be afraid to commit? Why is it so hard for us to choose to be with one, and only one, person? Is it because there are so many choices out there? Is it the case where the more items on the menu, the harder it is to pick one? Personally, I am not afraid of commitment- in fact, when I like someone, I dive in head-first. Yes, my heart gets broken, but I would much rather feel something, anything, than to push people away.

So what are your fears? Are they rational?***


*I was never the druggie type, but I did dabble a little back in the day.
**Don't get me wrong, I am most certainly not advocating divorce, or making light of it.
*** And why have I been asking questions at the end of every post? Is it because I am to lazy to finish the post with a conclusion paragraph? perhaps...

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The Meek Shall....Well, get overlooked

I've never been a show-off. I was never the kid in class with her hand up. I was the one cowering in the back, knowing the answer, but praying the teacher wouldn't call on me. Yes, I aced all of my tests, but there were always those classes in which "participation" was part of the grade, pulling down my gpa. Instead of "A's," in those classes, I got "B+'s." All because I am (as I've mentioned before) painfully shy. I think it stems from a severe lack of confidence, but on the other hand, I have confidence in my intelligence. I know that I know what I am talking about, but there's always that paranoia that maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong...then I'll end up making a mistake. I hate making mistakes. I guess I'm a perfectionist in that sense. At work, I go over every detail meticulously. I'm not one of those people who will, when checking numbers, skip some of them, even if I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are correct.

Part of not showing off means that I am not, and have never been, an ass-kisser. I despise people who kiss ass to get ahead. I let my work speak for itself. This has worked fairly well for me thus far. My direct supervisor always knows how hard I work. They know that when they need a report, I won't stop until it's finished. In fact, this morning, I was working on month-end/quarter-end, I had to pee. I held it for about 2 hours while I finished my reports.

That being said, the merits of my work haven't been speaking to those who don't rely on me. I don't think my boss' boss (our regional...let's call him Ben, since he sounds exactly like Ben Stein- only with less emotion) thinks that I know what I'm doing. When I was helping in Alexandria last week, the other girl that is helping that hotel was there with me and on the phone with Ben. After she got off the phone, she said that Ben wanted her to take the lead there. WHAAA??? Now, I am definitely not bashing her, since she seems to know her shit as well as I do, but being that she is so much more vocal and speaks up during conference calls, everyone thinks that she is more capable of doing the job. And since I am so quiet, I come off as an idiot.

So now I have to work on my confidence. I have to figure out how to speak up, even if I'm terrified of being wrong. And, unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to kiss a little more ass.

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