Irrational Fear

All of us are afraid of something, be it heights, flying, commitment, etc. But how many of our fears are rational? What happens when you are afraid? For some of us, it's debilitating. My most debilitating is enochlophobia, or a fear of crowds...although, I'm not sure if it's an actual fear or if I am just severely uncomfortable in crowds- basically social anxiety. Either way, it is the major reason for my opting to stay in on a Saturday night, rather than going to a club with my friends...or choosing a small dive bar over some crowded, popular bar. So what happens to me? Panic attacks. I'm not sure if I could accurately describe what a panic attack is like, but my friend Alice gives a pretty good description.

Whenever someone says that they have a fear of something, the logical question is "Well, did you have a bad experience?" It would make sense, wouldn't it? But how many of us have fears that we can't explain away? I certainly have a few- like the enochlophobia. I have no explanation for that, except that it may stem from a bad E roll (that's an ecstasy high for those of you straight-laced types*) in college. I was in a crowded club, having a really bad roll. Basically, I freaked out. Come to think of it, I've pretty much avoided crowds since then.

And why are so many of us afraid of spiders? Most spiders are harmless, but a good percentage (myself included) are terrified of them. In fact, I am pretty much scared of any bug with more than 4 legs (other than catepillars). In fact, I will not go anywhere near a centipede- those things freak me out and move WAY too fast.

But perhaps my most irrational fear (and it's probably my strongest, most intense one) is clowns. Words cannot describe how afraid I am of clowns. And I honestly have no idea why. I remember my first experience with this- I was 3 and we were here in the states visiting my grandparents (I grew up in Germany). My grandparents thought it would be great to take me to the circus. I was having a great time, until the clowns came out. I still vividly remember the fear I felt. I screamed my head off, and my grandfather had to carry me out of there.

The fear that so many people have that I really don't understand is a fear of commitment. Especially considering we live in a time and a country where divorce is pretty normal,** so why has it become progressively more common to be afraid to commit? Why is it so hard for us to choose to be with one, and only one, person? Is it because there are so many choices out there? Is it the case where the more items on the menu, the harder it is to pick one? Personally, I am not afraid of commitment- in fact, when I like someone, I dive in head-first. Yes, my heart gets broken, but I would much rather feel something, anything, than to push people away.

So what are your fears? Are they rational?***


*I was never the druggie type, but I did dabble a little back in the day.
**Don't get me wrong, I am most certainly not advocating divorce, or making light of it.
*** And why have I been asking questions at the end of every post? Is it because I am to lazy to finish the post with a conclusion paragraph? perhaps...