Neurotic In Ashburn: September 2006

To Tell or Not to Tell

Thursday, September 28, 2006

While I am out of town this weekend, I am going to be thinking. What is the debate that has been running through my head all week? If you'll remember my previous post, I had a pretty eventful weekend last week. So now I've been trying to figure out whether or not to tell "co-worker" about the psycho lunatic.

Some of you may say not to tell her. If she's the kind of girl that just randomly sends naked pictures of herself to a guy she barely knows, enticing him into a fuck-buddy relationship, then that's her problem. While, sometimes I may agree with you, there's one hitch- she and I are semi-friends. While I most certainly wouldn't have a slumber party and braid her hair, telling her my deepest secrets, we share common friends and I do have to work with her....plus, in some ways I like her.

There are two possible scenarios here:
1. she didn't send him pictures or tell him about all of the kinky stuff she wanted to do. He may have been lying about it, thinking it would make me jealous (silly boy, it's a little hard to make someone who's not really into you jealous). In which case, she deserves to know that he's telling some very seedy lies about her.

2. He wasn't lying, in which case she should know:
a. that he told me all about her various fetishes...lord knows I wouldn't want someone I was hooking up with telling my co-workers about mine.
b. she should know what a psycho she is hooking up with.

Another reason I am even considering telling her- I don't know what lies he told her about me. And, while I wish I didn't care what people thought about me, I do care. I don't want to be the bad guy.

So what do you guys think?

Hypothetical Situation....Or, How to Ruin What Could Be

Monday, September 25, 2006

I went back and forth about whether or not to post this (don't want to hurt someone's feelings, yadda, yadda, yadda), but since it's just a hypothetical situation, what's the harm? And if my tires are slashed after work tomorrow, I'll know who to blame.

This is one for you guys- a little advise from a lady. Say you are interested in a woman. Say you've hung out with her once or twice- on a purely friendship basis. And say (hypothetically) she comes into the bar you work at with her co-workers pretty often for happy hour. Now, say you've made it clear to her that you think she's pretty great (you tell her she's sexy, intelligent, and funny...the whole package). Also, (hypothetically- of, course) her co-worker (whom she is friends with) basically throws herself at you, sending you naked pics and telling you that she wants a friends with benefits situation.

Now, I'm not saying not to take the co-worker up on her offer, but if you are really into girl #1, it may not be the best idea to tell her about co-worker's offer. And it may be an even worse idea to tell girl #1 that if you don't have a chance with her, you are going to have sex with co-worker. Doing this may ruin any chance that you may have possibly had with girl #1.

An even worse idea- continuously texting girl #1 (when she has told you that she has a horrible toothache, is in a lot of pain, and hasn't slept in 3 days) at 1 AM, basically begging her to stop you from going to co-worker's place for a late-night booty call, saying things like "on my way to her place. last chance to stop me," and "in her parking lot, last chance," and "at her door, last chance," and "fine. be that way." She texts back "I'm trying to fucking sleep. Do what you want." Texting back "See ya!" and "we're to the point of insults...I won't burden you any further. HAVE A GOOD LIFE!!!!" along with even more various messages, basically telling her she's a complete bitch, probably won't get you in her pants.

Here comes the advise- if you really like her to begin with- don't tell her that her co-worker (whom you claim to have no interest in) wants you, and unless girl #1 tells you to come over (after midnight, when she's in pain, and the two of you haven't even had sex- ever), you are going to go to her co-worker's to get laid. Unless girl #1 has absolutely no self-esteem, I can guarantee you won't like her answer. And if you really liked her in the first place, you wouldn't have even put her in that situation to begin with. You would have given her the space she needs after she told you that she wasn't sure whether or not she was interested in anything other than friendship with you.

And if you put her in that situation, and sent about 50 texts in the span of about 2 hours, ranging from understanding to desperate to bitter to irate, you are most certainly going to come off as a psycho-lunatic stalker.

This is, of course, a purely hypothetical situation. And if you happen to read the girl's blog, and read a hypothetical situation that sounds pretty damn familiar, then I'm sorry, but take it as a lesson learned. Psychotic behavior is psychotic behavior- no matter how nice of a guy you claim to be. Next time you'll know better. Like a girl? Don't tell her that you want to fuck her co-worker. And that hypothetical girl is probably just happy she has some more sane options in her life.

*Note- this girl is starting to realize how psycho she must have seemed when things started going really badly with Mark.....and will never again send angry text messages to a guy she really likes.

Two Hours Of My Life....

Sunday, September 24, 2006

..that I'll never get back. Yesterday morning I went to a Mary Kay "Muffins and Makeovers" thing. Normally, I would have no desire to go to some overly made-up, Nip/Tucked, rich woman's house in McLean, but this woman was relentless. She had an event at my hotel a few months ago, and as a "thank-you"* she and another overly made-up woman** showed up at our office with gift certificates. All we had to do was fill out some info and we'd get some free goodies. Fine. So I put my work number down (I rarely give out my cell number). Big mistake. I don't have caller ID at work, and have to pretty much answer every call. She called every week. I kept putting her off, saying I would be out of town, yadda yadda yadda. She kept calling. So finally on Friday when she called I told her I just bought a new car and couldn't afford to buy anything. In her fake, chipper voice she said "oh, that's fine, just come and get a makeover. Besides you have a gift certificate." Blah blah blah. So, I gave in to shut her up. Even bigger mistake. I got my lazy ass out of bed at 8 AM Saturday morning and trekked to McLean. After seeing her house, I don't feel bad about not buying anything.

She made us watch a cheesy video, showing us what a great company it is and how much money they make. Then we had to use the cleanser. I am VERY picky about what I use (philosophy and aveda only), and now I'm broken out from this stuff. The whole time, she was saying shit like "isn't this cleanser fabulous? how does your skin feel? great, right?" I wanted to tell her that no, my skin feels like shit. But I bit my tongue. Then came makeup time. I tried some of the foundation (which sucked, by the way), and put very little eye shadow on (I prefer the natural look, rather than the Tammy Fay Baker look). She kept encouraging me to put on more. Pushy, pushy, pushy. Needless to say, I had to wash my face as soon as I left there...and luckily, I brought my own foundation (Pur Minerals), so I wouldn't have to drive home looking like Ms. Baker.

Then, of course, she tried to push me to buy the "Basic" kit (cleanser, moisturizer, and foundation)...$54. Normally I don't mind spending money on good** products, but considering I had told her that I would NOT be buying anything, I was a little pissed that she was pushing it.

Then she asked us some basic questions and showed us the diamond ring and watch she got for selling a certain amount of shit, along with....yes, her pink Cadillac. She blind-sided me, and now I'm sucked into a meeting with her Tuesday afternoon, where I know she's going to try to recruit me for the Mary Kay cult.

Why am I so spineless? Why can't I say no to people?

*Note the sarcasm
**If they really want to sell this stuff, maybe they shouldn't walk around with plaster-covered faces
***NOT Mary Kay

TV = Real Life?

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Two of my favorite shows premiere tonight and it's funny how, even though they are fictional characters and a script, I can't help but notice how they mimic real life. Take the romances on Grey's Anatomy and The Office. Both shows left us with similar, love-triangle cliffhangers last season. And the cliffhanger is a decision that a lot of us have had to make (or will have to make) in our lives.

On Grey's Anatomy, Meredith has to chose between McDreamy, the man she is head-over heels for; and Finn, the sweet, thoughtful guy who will treat her like a queen. McDreamy doesn't deserve her and has only hurt her, but she's in love with him. Finn is great and worships her, but she isn't in love with him. And on the Office, Pam has to choose between Jim, who she has a great connection with and who is in love with her, and her fiance, a schmuck who barely notices her but she's in love with.

So what do these women do? Do they go with their heads and pick the guy who really deserves to be with them and will treat them great? Or do they go with their hearts and pick the guy who they're in love with, even if he doesn't deserve their love? Do you give up on true love in exchange for being treated the way you deserve to be? What would you do?

New Car Smell

Monday, September 18, 2006

Great news!!! Yours truly just bought a new car tonight!! Yay! I don't think my old car would have made it to Alexandria tomorrow, so it was time. Lola was still really pretty, but the transmission was going- and VERY quickly. So, I found the one I wanted, had them run all of the paperwork while I was at work today, and picked up Lola II this evening. She's so pretty!!

Laziness

I'm going to apologize ahead of time, since my posts may be a little sporadic for the next few weeks. Someone (in the position above mine) at one of our hotels in Alexandria is leaving, so I will be "taskforcing" at that hotel two days a week. So, I'm not sure whether or not I'll be able to blog. Although, given that the guy who's leaving (we'll call him Dan) is a complete idiot, I think I'll be able to manage.

Here's the basic info: I am a Systems Analyst (SRSA), and the position above me (my boss) is a Director of Revenue (DORM). Part of my job is to run some of the daily reports that the DORM needs. But she still runs a lot of her reports, since it is VERY important for her to see how much revenue we have on the books for the rest of the month, as well as for upcoming months.

So, last Wednesday, I had to go to Alexandria and spend half a day with Dan, so that I'll be able to cover the position until they hire a new DORM. So I got there around 8 AM. Dan's SRSA, "Julie" showed me to his office and pointed out a note that he had left for me. Apparently, he wasn't planning on being there until 10:30, and had some admin work he wanted me to do. Of course, I was fuming. I was there to train for his position, not to do his admin work. But, ok, whatever...I did all of the stuff he left on the list and waited for him to show up. 10:15 comes and he rolls in....apparently some friends had taken him to breakfast...awwww, isn't that sweet.*

Ashburnite: "so, (his boss) wants me to find out what you do on a daily basis."
Dan: "ok, well I take the (daily report that every DORM is supposed to do) and look at (mucho importante data)."
Ash: "oh, so you don't run the (important report) yourself?"
Dan: "No, Julie does it."
Ash: "um...ok."
Dan: "Then I look at (online report)."
Ash: "every day?"
Dan: "yes."
Ash: "umm...isn't that only a weekly report? I think they only pull our data once a week."
Dan: "Ummmmm.......so then I look at this other report....."
Ash: "I think that's a weekly report, too."
Dan: "uhhhh....so I look at it and make sure we're priced well."

At this point, he spends about 10 minutes just staring at the monitor with a blank look on his face (my boss is convinced that he was actually sleeping during that 10 minutes).

Dan: "Then if any of our rates need to be changed, I do that."
Ash: "So what do you do for the other 7 and a half hours of your day?"

I don't think he liked that question. But I don't care. This guy is getting away with doing absolutely nothing. He's having his SRSA run all of his reports, and he's taking the credit for them. And to make matters worse, he is completely arrogant and condescending.

I have a feeling I am going to have a LOT of time to kill in Alexandria.

*can't you just hear the sarcasm?

Yeah, I suck

Friday, September 15, 2006

Looks like I won't be making it to tonight's Happy Hour. My kitty, Munchkin, spent a rough day at the vet's and has a UTI. So, since she's had such a bad day (and I'll probably be spending the entire evening trying to give her medication), I would feel like an asshole if I put her through that, then left her alone all night. Yes, I'm a crazy cat lady. But how can I not be? Look at how freaking cute she is (*I promise this will be the only time I post pictures of my cat on here...and if I start knitting sweaters for her, please call the guys in the white coats).

A Joke Gone Too Far?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

One of my favorite bloggers, Avatar, posted something yesterday that got me thinking. I'm not sure if y'all have heard about this, but it raises some interesting questions about privacy. You can find the full story here, here, here, here, here, and here. But, for the lazy readers, I'll break it down for you.

From waxy.org:

Jason Fortuny's Craigslist Experiment

On Monday, a Seattle web developer named Jason Fortuny started his own Craigslist experiment. The goal: "Posing as a submissive woman looking for an aggressive dom, how many responses can we get in 24 hours?"He took the text and photo from a sexually explicit ad (warning: not safe for work) in another area, reposted it to Craigslist Seattle, and waited for the responses to roll in. Like Simon's experiment, the response was immediate. He wrote, "178 responses, with 145 photos of men in various states of undress. Responses include full e-mail addresses (both personal and business addresses), names, and in some cases IM screen names and telephone numbers."In a staggering move, he then published every single response, unedited and uncensored, with all photos and personal information to Encyclopedia Dramatica (kinda like Wikipedia for web fads and Internet drama). Read the responses (warning: sexually explicit material).Instantly, commenters on the LiveJournal thread started identifying the men. Dissenters emailed the guys to let them know they were scammed. Several of them were married, which has led to what will likely be the first of many separations. One couple in an open marriage begged that their information be removed, as their religious family and friends weren't aware of their lifestyle. Another spotted a fellow Microsoft employee, based on their e-mail address. And it's really just the beginning, since the major search engines haven't indexed these pages yet. After that, who knows? Divorces, firings, lawsuits, and the assorted hell that come from having your personal sex life listed as the first search result for your name.Possibly the strangest thing about this sex baiting prank is that the man behind it is unabashedly open about his own identity. A graphic artist in Kirkland, Washington, Jason has repeatedly posted his contact information, including home phone, address, and photos. He's already received one threat of physical violence. Is he oblivious to the danger, or does he just not care? Since his stated interest is "pushing people's buttons," I'm guessing the latter. (See update: Jason's been removing contact information from his sites, so some of these links are now broken.)

I took a look at the Encyclopedia Dramatica post, and yes, every single email he received was posted- un-edited. Some of these men sent emails with their real names, telephone numbers, and IM screen names. Some of them even responded to the ad from their work email accounts.

Now these men are attempting to get the posts pulled. So the debate is whether or not this is a legal issue. On one hand, this "experiment" is not only cruel, but it could ruin these men's lives. On the other hand, every single one of these men volunteered that information. They sent pictures of themselves (some nude), along with some very explicit descriptions of what they wanted to do to the "woman" posting the ad, as well as their telephone numbers, full names, and IM screennames.

I'm not going to get into whether or not it was morally wrong of Jason Fortuny to post all of the responses, or whether or not the men involved deserved the humiliation, but there's no question that his "experiment" was in poor taste. Where the question lies is whether or not he should be forced to shut down the site. The men volunteered their personal information, but they didn't consent to have that information posted.

Your thoughts?

**and guys, the next time you respond to a Craigslist ad, please think about guys like this one, who (I'm pretty sure) responded from his work email (along with many others). Be a little more discrete.

***note- because of the amount of traffic, the pictures on Encyclopedia Dramatica are not loading....too bad, since some of them are pretty damn juicy.

The way to my heart.....

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I'm sure there are a lot of women out there that are used to getting loads of attention- whether it's from the general public or from the man they are dating/potentially dating. I am not one of those women. As hard as it is to believe, I systematically date men who ignore me. It's not something I consciously do, but it always seems to happen that way. It's always the men who have absolutely no time (or desire) to pay any attention to me- who just expect me to be there on the off chance that they need something. Hell, would you believe that I have never gotten flowers sent to me by a guy? NEVER.

Which is why the date I had on Sunday blew me away. Now, I'm sure to this guy it was no big deal- probably just the way he treats women. But to someone like myself, who has just become accustomed to not getting that attention- it was a big deal. He picked me up- rather than meeting me at the restaurant. He opened the car door for me- something that I didn't even realize guys still did. He took me to a great restaurant- casual enough to be comfortable, but also very nice. Then we went to a winery...and let me tell you guys- a winery is the perfect place for a date. We sampled about 10 wines, then selected one. He had it corked, then we went outside (to some very cute tables set up next to the vineyards) and spent the afternoon enjoying the wine and talking. All in all, a great date.

Which brings me to my question- should we (women) expect (or demand) that behavior, knowing that we are bound to be disappointed (quite often); or do we expect the way some of us are accustomed to being treated, and be pleasantly surprised when a man is actually a gentleman?

I'm Good

Friday, September 08, 2006

Today is Day 4, and I am feeling so much better. Maybe it's because I went out last night, got tipsy, and smoked a few cigs- and hated it. Honestly, every cigarette I had tasted like shit and made me feel nauseous. I woke up during the night and felt like there was a pile of bricks on my chest, and almost threw up this morning (no, not a hangover- I wasn't that drunk). The morning commute cigarette that I've still been allowing myself to have- I couldn't finish it this morning. I've had a total of 2 today. And, honestly, I'm not really craving them as much. So yay!

And, for those of you that didn't know- I have a "quitting buddy." We are both on day 4, and the odd thing is- we didn't discuss it beforehand, it just happened that we were both quitting on the same day. So stop over and wish her luck as well.

Addicted

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Addiction is a funny thing. We all have our addictions- some more serious than others. Some of us are addicted to sugar or foods, others to drugs or alcohol, and some are even addicted to sex. And I don't think any of us realize how serious our addictions are until we try to give them up. I have been addicted to a drug for ten years now. It sounds weird even saying it. I have let a substance control my life for a decade.

I started smoking senior year of high school, thinking I could quit any time. If I had known that I would be still be smoking at 28, and that it would so completely take over my life, I absolutely would never have started.

Cigarettes control every aspect of my life. I can't sit in long meetings, not just because of the ADD, but because the thought of not being able to have a cigarette makes me panic. I worry when I only have one pack of cigarettes left. I hate when people bum cigarettes off me, not only because they are being cheap, but because I worry that I won't have enough for the day/night. When I ride in someone else's car and they are a non-smoker, I can't relax.

I don't think non-smokers realize just how controlling this addiction is. I can't tell you how many times someone has said, "those things are so bad for you. you should just quit." Non-smokers really have no idea how difficult that is.

Which is why I am now trying to quit. I'm down from a pack a day to about 6. I'm not a cold-turkey type of girl. I had no idea how much this addiction has taken over my life. Now that I'm not smoking as much, it is on my mind constantly. I had multiple panic attacks at my desk yesterday. I literally was freaking out, thinking about the fact that I had to wait 2 hours before I could have another cigarette.

It doesn't help that the product I am using (Commit Lozenge) makes my mouth burn and makes me nauseous. But, from what I've heard, it's the most effective, since it keeps your mouth busy.

So wish me luck. And if any of you have successfully quit smoking (real smokers, not you "I smoke when I drink" types), please let me know what worked for you.