The way to my heart.....

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I'm sure there are a lot of women out there that are used to getting loads of attention- whether it's from the general public or from the man they are dating/potentially dating. I am not one of those women. As hard as it is to believe, I systematically date men who ignore me. It's not something I consciously do, but it always seems to happen that way. It's always the men who have absolutely no time (or desire) to pay any attention to me- who just expect me to be there on the off chance that they need something. Hell, would you believe that I have never gotten flowers sent to me by a guy? NEVER.

Which is why the date I had on Sunday blew me away. Now, I'm sure to this guy it was no big deal- probably just the way he treats women. But to someone like myself, who has just become accustomed to not getting that attention- it was a big deal. He picked me up- rather than meeting me at the restaurant. He opened the car door for me- something that I didn't even realize guys still did. He took me to a great restaurant- casual enough to be comfortable, but also very nice. Then we went to a winery...and let me tell you guys- a winery is the perfect place for a date. We sampled about 10 wines, then selected one. He had it corked, then we went outside (to some very cute tables set up next to the vineyards) and spent the afternoon enjoying the wine and talking. All in all, a great date.

Which brings me to my question- should we (women) expect (or demand) that behavior, knowing that we are bound to be disappointed (quite often); or do we expect the way some of us are accustomed to being treated, and be pleasantly surprised when a man is actually a gentleman?


Cody 9/12/2006 03:00:00 PM  

Expect it and demand it. Any guy who doesn't give you the attention you deserve isn't worth your time.

JoJo 9/12/2006 03:22:00 PM  

Abso-fuckin'-lutely! The one thing I've learned from past relationships is that I SHOULD expect to be treated well and that guys SHOULD put some thought/ effort into the relationship.

Virgle Kent 9/12/2006 03:32:00 PM  

At the risk of getting my penis chopped off and shoved up my butt. Expect it but never ever demand it. If you go around demanding things around a guy he’ll think you’re a bitch that’s use to getting her way. Don’t get it twisted, every guy knows how to treat a lady it’s just the matter of if we’re attracted to her or care enough about her to do so.

Depending on how interested I am in the girl, the next morning she either gets the world famous VK home cooked breakfast, or I give Pretty Ricky the signal to go through her purse and then I give her some cab money and kick her out.


White Dade 9/12/2006 03:44:00 PM  

I'll go with the latter. Mamma Dade always told me that the secret to a happy life is low expectations.

KassyK 9/12/2006 03:47:00 PM  

I have to agree with VKent in the “expect but do not demand it” in a general way. No, not al guys are going to be like that—but some are…and you shouldn’t ever let someone treat you like crap but some guys DO need that extra push to tell them what you like and what you find attractive.

In terms of treating you well and opening doors etc. though, DEMAND that.

The Husband 9/12/2006 03:52:00 PM  

don't take this the wrong way...but it sounds as if you've dated some losers in the past.

i'll open the door if we are walking up to the car and am on the passenger side. otherwise i think it would be odd.

flowers, candles, vicky's secret...all that girly crap is a must when dating.

oss 9/12/2006 03:58:00 PM  

I received LOADS of attention from the last guy I dated. Yet in the end I found out he really wasn't that into me at all. What a complete mindf**k. However, with that being said, I think we women SHOULD expect nothing less than to be with a man who thinks you are worthy enough to devote lots of attention to. I firmly believe we are wasting our precious time otherwise.

Ashburnite 9/12/2006 05:40:00 PM  

cody- awww...that's why you're one of my fav guys.

jojo- exactly. I need to stop letting men treat me with anything less than what I deserve.

vk- no, you definitely have a point. Maybe I misspoke when I said "demand." WHat I really mean is that I shouldn't let men treat me with disrespect. I have never "demanded" things from a man, but I do expect to be treated with a lot more respect than I have in the past.
and by the way, remind me not to sleep over- and to keep an eye on Pretty Ricky if he goes anywhere near my purse.

wd- haha...kind of like my email signature "If you don't expect anything, you'll never be disappointed."

Ashburnite 9/12/2006 05:43:00 PM  

kk- good point. But I definitely need to stop putting up with the mistreatment.

cs- yes, unfortunately I have dated a lot of losers.

oss- very true.

Ally 9/12/2006 07:46:00 PM  

Although I've dated some guys that left much to be desired, they have all picked me up for dates, opened my door, paid for at least the first few dates, etc. While I don't "demand" it, I wouldn't go on mulitple dates with someone who hadn't shown me those basic courtesies and manners. You deserve the same and shouldn't settle for less. I think if you insist on at least these few things, you'll end up dating fewer losers:)

mgc 9/12/2006 09:38:00 PM  

you should always expect to be treated with respect and kindness. don't demand it, or you will be let down.

if a guy does not meet your "expectation", than move on until he does... then you will have no need to demand.

Rachel 9/12/2006 10:21:00 PM  

I think that women in general who have a low self image are so happy that someone thinks that they are worth going on a date that they tend to bend over backwards to be accomodating.
I have learned this the hard way. You bend over backwards too far and you end up being a doormat.

minijonb 9/12/2006 11:34:00 PM  

appreciate it when you meet a guy smart enough to do it.

team gingerbread 9/13/2006 09:31:00 AM  

I seem to go for the complete opposite of your type, except it blows up in my face.

They start out all aloof and assholish (the way I like it btw), and then they suddenly turn into needy/clingy guys...I hate that.

Velvet 9/13/2006 10:37:00 AM  

This is an interesting concept. I too have dated a lot of men who are just generally not respectful in that manner. I usually end up comparing them to the few standouts. What I think is that "most" men are capable of being great dates, but they decide whether they are going to grant you that attention and consideration early on. How do they decide that? I bet it's a mix of if they are attracted to you and do they want to see you again, combined with clues and signals from the woman. I'll explain.

I come off as a hardcore independant chick. I don't give off the "I need a door opened for me" attitude, and as such, a lot of my dates haven't done that - at least not in the long term. It's not in my nature to act helpless or ladylike or whatever it is that indicates that I need that chivalry in my life.

I think if a man doesn't make certain gestures, then he should be discarded immediately. Only you can decide what those gestures are - is it paying for the first date? Holding the door? Not interrupting you when you're talking?

This man you went out with, it's exciting isn't it? It really is nice to have that attention after dating so many duds. Makes you appreciate them more too. And men like being appreciated.

Tara 9/13/2006 12:01:00 PM  

Well if we have to demand it, if it's too much like pulling teeth, then it loses all the magic. But it should be expected or else they've lost a wonderful opportunity.

The Husband 9/13/2006 12:01:00 PM  

so is there going to be a follow up date?

nicole 9/14/2006 07:51:00 PM  

I admit that I expect to be treated well. Not like some high-maintenance princess, mind you. But common respect and courtesy should be a given in a relationship. A girl only needs ONE asshole in her life. ;)

Glad to hear you had a great date, by the way. :)

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