More Sugar Daddies!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

It's time to look at some of the gold-digger ads. These aren't quite as funny as the men, but I did find a few winners in here.

1. GetItGirl25 is a 24-year old single woman looking for a sugar daddy between the ages of 18 and 90. Wow, she's picky. In her words: "Im good fun. I'll have you laughing all the time. I will NOT give you no DRAMA...If you want to know more. contact me!" If her only selling point is that she "won't give you no DRAMA," then she needs to find some hobbies. What ever happened to "I enjoy long walks on the beach, cuddling in front of a fire...."? Oh, and this is what she's looking for in a man: "Obviously be able to take care of me. I need some one who can handle me! NO ABUSIVE MEN!" Here I thought that the "no abusive" part was pretty much a universal requirement for women, but apparently we need to specify that- note to all of the women with personal ads. I'm wondering if there are men out there who read her profile and thought, "wow, she sounds interesting. Maybe I should cont....oh, wait. She doesn't like abusive guys. Damn."

2. CMR0730 is a 25 year-old in Silver Spring, MD with high hopes. "I'm an outgoing 20-something year old who's always been daddy's-little-girl and enjoys being pampered, spoiled, and well taken care of - ya' I know they're virtually all the same thing, but I just wanted to get my point across. :) I enjoy shopping, relaxing, traveling, movies, nice dinners, spas, working out, spending time with friends, socializing." Yeah, because most of us don't like those things. What she's looking for: "I'd like to find that special man who also enjoys the finer things in life. He absolutely must be taller than me, as well as outgoing, and have a sense of humor (and one that's not sick and twisted) I love laughing; it's the best workout anyone could get, so any man that can make me laugh is super sexy to me. I love good conversation and getting to know someone better, so being able to hold an intelligent conversation is highly important to me. I love sports - mainly football (college & NFL) and I would like someone who is equally enthusiastic about sports as well as having an athletic build and enjoys a good athletic competition every now and then. A man who cares about his appearance - i.e. well groomed: hair, nails, breath, teeth, cologne, nice clothes, etc. but not a metro-sexual. I'm not interested in any men that are married & looking, or have children and are over the age of 40." Sweetie, you do know what dating site you're on, don't you? Do you think that you're actually going to find all of that on Sugardaddyforme?

3. Allwomen25 hails from Gainesville, VA and has the headline "Allwomen looking for her dream man." Umm...ok. She says "I am Allwomen looking to find someone to spend time with. I am very sexy and will do what ever I have to to get what I want." Ok, so what's with the "allwomen" thing? She's said it 3 times, and I still don't understand what in the hell she means. Maybe if she had said "Allwoman," which could be translated to an "everywoman," but plural? And "I do what ever I have to to get what I want?" Is that supposed to be a good quality in a woman? Some of you guys may be wondering, "wow. I wonder if she'd be interested in me." Well, here's what she's looking for: "He must have it going on and can take me places and get me what I want. I am very spoiled and need my wants and desires to be handled." He "must have it going on?" Maybe you should clarify that, hun, since most Sugar Daddies are, by definition, older, and may not be familiar with that phrase. And please, for the love of god, would someone tell me what an "allwomen" is.

4. asianbabe07 is a 40 year-old divorced woman from Falls Church. No disrespect to the over-30 crowd, but how is a 40 year-old going to call herself a "sugar baby." And shouldn't someone that age be able to take care of herself?? She describes herself as "I am very loving, caring, and sensual person. I make sure that I will make my man happy and satisfied. When I have you I won't be looking and won't be with another man . I'll remain to be yours only for as long as you want me!" Ok, it sounds like you're looking for an owner instead of a partner. Honey, maybe you need to browse the S&M sites for a "master," because it sure as hell sounds like that's what you're looking for. So what is she looking for? "I am looking for a loving, generous, kind, and understanding man. I want to be treated like a princess, to be pampered and spoilt and in return I see to it that he won't regret it!" Princess? Really? Because no other woman on this site wants to be treated like a princess. Real original. Oh, and it's "spoiled," not "spoilt." Seriously, does anyone even use spell check anymore? All I'm saying is type it out in Word, run spell check, and copy and paste so that you don't sound like a complete moron. (Aside- maybe some bloggers out there need to use it as well?)

5. Here's some brevity from kaykay85, a 21-year old from Glen Burnie, MD. "I a sexy mama nows how to hav fun caring." "nows how to hav fun caring?" Seriously, spell check. What she's looking for: "White and handsom knows how to havea good times." Wow. Just, wow. Honey, I hope Mr. White & Handsome gives you some money so that you can finally earn that G.E.D.

Ok, more to come....It's been a great day....not a care in the world. Seriously.

19 comments:

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 04:27:00 PM  

Well....if I ever come into to some big money, I'll know what women not to date.

Other than that, I'm speechless. These women have no self worth. Sad.

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 04:29:00 PM  

Neither do the men on that site, ricardo! It seems like none of these people have any shame or common sense.

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 04:46:00 PM  

I wonder if this site is actually run by the same people who do DontDateHim.com - you know? Reverse psychology?

honeykbee 1/17/2007 05:02:00 PM  

Methinks "Allwoman" doth protest too much. Proabably a trannie.

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 05:37:00 PM  

Alright! All the quality women are on this personal site. I may have to respond to some of these illiterate, succubi and ruin my life completely.

Ashburnite 1/17/2007 06:01:00 PM  

ricardo- exactly.

golden silence- yeah, absolutely none of them.

view- hmmmm...that's a good question.

hkb- that was exactly what I thought- trannie.

Sex & Moxie 1/17/2007 06:05:00 PM  

Dear God..........

Where did these ads come from?

I love sports - mainly football (college & NFL) and I would like someone who is equally enthusiastic about sports as well as having an athletic build and enjoys a good athletic competition every now and then. A man who cares about his appearance - i.e. well groomed: hair, nails, breath, teeth, cologne, nice clothes, etc. but not a metro-sexual. I'm not interested in any men that are married & looking, or have children and are over the age of 40."

Ooof...who wants to take bets on the first time she flips out on a guy who takes his eyes away from her for a moment to watch a game. She's painted herself to be the uber - girlfriend with the love for football. Yeah, sure she is. But does she love it enough to sit there and watch a game and not cross her arms in front of her chest and pout until her boyfriend is willing to leave? She's full of it.

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 06:22:00 PM  

Golden Silence - You're right. The guy ads that I read in Ash's earlier post are just as bad, if not worse. I don't get the site. Both sides come off looking really bad. In no way was I giving a pass to the guys. I do wonder if any of these people have real friends. I'd be shocked if so.

Sharkbait 1/17/2007 08:20:00 PM  

You know, I had confidence before I read your post, but reading about how much these hotties had to offer, I suddenly feel inferior.

Thanks for nothin! :-)

(hysterical, bring it on)

Anonymous,  1/18/2007 09:08:00 AM  

Wow... I am surprised that no one has stolen the lines from the most pathetic song ever written.

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the woods.
I know I could always be good.
For one who'll watch over me.

Blech...gag...vomit!

Anonymous,  1/18/2007 09:55:00 AM  

"I will NOT give you no DRAMA"

So, she will give drama to whatever poor sap responds to her ad? Double negative, right? Not give no drama. Hmm.

Fortunately, this site sounds like the idiot ratio between the men and women is about equal.

DF,  1/18/2007 10:14:00 AM  

I don't know why everyone acts so shocked, surprised, and/or disgusted. As tactless as these self-descriptions may be, the brutality of their honesty is revolting but pure. These people need each other otherwise how could we possibly maintain our anti-utopian society?

Anonymous,  1/18/2007 10:48:00 AM  

I need that "will NOT give you no DRAMA" lady in my life!!!

=;-)

lol

Anonymous,  1/18/2007 12:08:00 PM  

"I will NOT give you no DRAMA"

So, she will give drama to whatever poor sap responds to her ad? Double negative, right? Not give no drama. Hmm.


That double negative is not as funny as "It wasn't NOT funny!"---Tami, Real World 2, 1993.

Anonymous 1/19/2007 08:18:00 AM  

These are just rediculous! Keep the highlight reel coming.

A new weekly segment by Ash? =)

Anonymous,  1/19/2007 09:44:00 AM  

i'm actually speechless!

Carrie M 1/19/2007 02:13:00 PM  

so. scary. but hilarious. it's like dating comics.

and sex and moxie - you know i love ya - but i really am a girl who LOVES football and would love my man to be into it too. granted, he hopefully wouldn't choose football over sex...but you see what i mean. ;-)

Anonymous,  1/21/2007 03:07:00 PM  

Hello, great site, I found a lot of useful information here, thanks a lot for Your work!
With the best regards!
David

Anonymous,  1/22/2007 11:08:00 AM  

Oh my goodness. Dang these girls for getting to the point far faster than me!

j/k.

Hilarious.

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