Pathetic has a new name

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

So I was driving in to work today, listening to the radio, when the dj starts talking about a website called SugarDaddyForMe. Honestly. There is a website devoted to young, vapid women in search of rich, shallow older men. So, of course, I had to check it out. Now, I'm not going to get into physical appearances or anything, but come on. There are 698 women in the DC area on this site. Women looking for men with money. And 538 "sugar daddies" looking for gold-diggers. This is just too sad.

For your reading pleasure, here are some of the profiles:

Sugar Daddies:

1. First and foremost we have "10inchplus"...that is actually his headline, not his screenname, but I couldn't resist. 10inchplus is a 44-year old man in McLean who is "married but looking." In his words: "Handsum hard working guy thats very down to earth. Im always looing for new ways to improve on any and everything, especially my woman." I think Mr. 10-incher should learn to use spell-check.

2. Notoriouscrack's headline reads "a hottie with a body." Good for you. He is a 35 year-old single man in DC. His "about me": "I am very manly and would want many girls to have fun with. i am a pimp." And what does this gem want from a woman? Well, in his words, "hot sex b3tch." Wow, that's a great way to find a quality woman.

3. RHODEIMIKE needs to figure out where his Caps Lock key is. He's 35 and divorced. I'm guessing his name is Mike and he is from Rhode Island....just a hunch. Now he lives in Glenarden, MD and is looking for this in a woman: "BEAUTIFUL LADY WITH NICE BREAST AND PRETTY EYES. AMBITIOUS YET WILLING TO TAKE IN KNOWLEDGE. LOYAL AND A GOOD LISTENER. SMART BUT NOT TOO SMART. DRESSES WELL AND ESPECIALLY SMELLS GOOD." Wow...smart but not too smart. Nice breast, huh? Only one of them? Oh, and "smells good" is always one of the most important qualities to look for. I'm not saying it's not important, but to actually list it as what you're looking for?

4. DSteel is a 37 year-old married man from Cloverly, MD. Ladies, don't let this one slip away: "I'm a 6'2" Athlectic, Bald, Chocolate Brotha who's also Lover who gives Sexual Fantasies and Delivers Sexual Pleasure. I write Erotica and Enjoy creating new Stories from Real Acts of Pleasure." Now, he's a little vague as to what he's looking for in a woman, so let's see what else he has to say: "Someone to have some fun with and who is as comfortable Making Love to me in the corner of Crowded Room of Strangers as I they are in a Private room alone." Oh, that's nice. Freak.

5. Spenta must have had some experience "padding" resumes: "CEO of a multinational company. I travel worlwide and would welcome the company of a sophisticated, intelligent, adventurous lady to accompany me as a companion/sugar babe." Translation: he owns a Quizno's store. "Genuine opportunity to be financially and otherwise fulfilled beyond your expectation." Translation: he'll buy you a vibrator and some cubic zirconia earrings. Are we really supposed to believe that the CEO of a "multinational company" needs to go searching a site like this to find women?

Looks like I may need to cover the women in another post.

10 comments:

Anonymous,  1/16/2007 04:13:00 PM  

OMG I am falling out of my chair laughing! I actually snorted when I read Quiznos.

Pagan Marbury 1/16/2007 04:26:00 PM  

Hilarious. Please post more...

Ar-Jew-Tino 1/16/2007 04:42:00 PM  

Maybe RHODEIMIKE meant to write "smart but not too smart" in his "About Me" section?

Anonymous,  1/16/2007 05:15:00 PM  

omg! thank you for something that easily become a wonderful afternoon work-distraction! Post more, please? :)

Anonymous,  1/16/2007 08:11:00 PM  

Oh, now that is funny. I've done the same thing with the free personals sites and have determined that bargain hunting in the dating pool is NOT a good idea.

Good stuff. I'll be back to read about the winning female profiles.

Carrie M 1/16/2007 08:57:00 PM  

wow. catches with a capital C. there's also millionaires online site, i can't remember what it's called. the one charlie sheen frequented. so it must be classy.

Johnny 1/16/2007 09:33:00 PM  

Funny stuff. That "chocolate brotha" sounds promising, huh?

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 09:47:00 AM  

I love how the one guy writes erotic literature but uses random capital letters throughout his sentences.

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 12:07:00 PM  

I'm actually DSteel, don't tell anyone, unless they are interested in creating some erotica via public sex.

Anonymous,  1/17/2007 12:48:00 PM  

I don't even know what to say about this one. I do know a woman who went looking on this site however. The horror.....

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