The Wolf in Nice Guy's Clothing

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Sorry gang, this is not a happy post. It seems that I mistakenly let my guard down (again) and got hurt (again). Luckily, I didn't have any real feelings invested this time. But are there really any truly nice guys out there any more?

This most recent one played the "nice guy" role so convincingly, so perfectly, that he had me snowed from day one. I thought, "ok, maybe I need to be around someone who will be good to me and treat me well." He wasn't even really my type. He was only attractive in a quirky, funny way. He wasn't what I would consider "hot," which is why I truly believed he was genuinely as sweet as he seemed. He even knew that I had recently been hurt (and how badly). I mean, he reads this blog, for christ's sake. So he knew that I was extremely vulnerable. And, maybe I'm just over-reacting, but it seems he may have used that to get to me.

In a way, this hurts worse than the whole situation with Mark, because I swore I wasn't going to let anyone get close for a while. I thought that I could keep everyone at a distance. And it pisses me off that I was so wrong about him.

Well, it's not happening again. I know that some of you guys are truely decent and caring, but unfortunately, this guy has ruined that for me. I can't trust my judgement anymore.


Mark 6/20/2006 10:16:00 AM  

I know this is completely meaningless right now, but there are decent and caring guys out there and you will find the right one.

For now, keep your chin up and know that you have a heckuva lot of friends out here for you. I may have just discovered your blog a few days ago, but I've found you witty, entertaining and fun to read. I have no doubt that you are liek that in "real life" as well. And, if the little picture on your blog is you (and I assume it is), you are gorgeous.

Jane Lake 6/20/2006 10:35:00 AM  

I know this sounds lame but you meet the best guys through doing the things you really like. Join a club or activity that excites you and the guys will follow. This also gives you a chance to get to know them first.

Just my 2 cents.


Ashburnite 6/20/2006 11:40:00 AM  

mark- thank you so much. And I know that some of you guys really are genuinely nice. I think I just need to take some time to get over all of the shit that has happened in the past few months.

jane- like I told Mark, I think I just need to stop thinking about meeting someone for now.

Ricardo 6/20/2006 12:12:00 PM  

Take some time for yourself but don't let the bad experience cut you off from the opportunity from meeting someone new. Maybe there were some lessons that can be taken away from this that can help prevent a similar situation from happening or if it does, you might not be hurt as bad because you know what to look for.

Kirsten 6/20/2006 12:28:00 PM  

awww so sorry that happened to you yet again...if ya want, I will come up and kick his ass...or if thats tooo physical, i'll just be here for ya if you need to talk about it...
:)just me

minijonb 6/20/2006 01:20:00 PM  


Sorry you have to go through all this. Take all the time you need to get properly chilled. I'll try to come up with a care package for you to cheer you up.

♥ you,

Raincouver 6/20/2006 01:32:00 PM  

Cheer up, Ash. It's summer time... lots of boys out there! No need to get into a relationship right now... just enjoy the attention.


sammygeerock 6/20/2006 02:12:00 PM  

Theres always the boy on the nightstand! Maybe you need to find a jewish giggolo, and ask him for the alef bet vet special.

Andy 6/20/2006 02:37:00 PM  

Psh, whatever. My heart has been stomped on more times than I count. Just think, if things worked out all the time you'd be married by now. And who wants to be married? Not this if you'll excuse me i have to call 1-800 Mattres (I leave the last S off for savings).

KassyK 6/20/2006 03:04:00 PM  

Oh sugar I am so sorry. I feel you more than you know. It seems that when we are at our most vulnerable that things just escalate dont they? I hope that you can give someone a chance in the future but I am with you...I'm off men for a long time. I know we discussed this already--there are some TRULY good men out there (a lot of them already wrote into this post for you and helped me yesterday)...but maybe now isnt the time for a man...I know for me its not. Let me take you out to a Kassy night on the town. You'll forget this loser in an instant.

Muah :-)

White Dade 6/20/2006 03:20:00 PM  

Here's an angle:

I'm not sure exactly what transpired, but sometimes there are nice guys who are a little too nice. Like, they let things go too far because they don't want to tell someone "no" and then it gets to be too late and they end up looking even worse. Not a good personality trait, probably weakness, but it makes him more of a wimp than an asshole. But, hey, I have no idea. I'm just saying that he may not have been playing a role and just waited a little too long to be honest.

Mark 6/20/2006 03:39:00 PM  

I say go for the night on the town with KassyK, with one rule...absolutely no PHOTOGRAPHS.

Sorry Kas, just had to throw that in!

KassyK 6/20/2006 04:22:00 PM  

Mark-I heart you for that. No pics is right. :-)

Erin 6/20/2006 04:38:00 PM  

Sucky. Some men will stoop to any level in the dating game, it seems.

Ashburnite 6/20/2006 06:14:00 PM  

ricardo- thank-you...I'm trying to make the best of it.

kirsten- thanks. you're the best :-)

mjb- thanks for being such a sweety. what kind of care package? :-)

raincouver- I think I've been single for too long now.

Ashburnite 6/20/2006 06:22:00 PM  

sammy- what's "alef bet vet special"??

andy- yeah, I think it may be time for you to buy a bed. I'm still curious as to what you're sleeping on.

kassy- I think a night on the town might be a good idea.

wd- I'm not sure if that would be better or worse.

Ashburnite 6/20/2006 06:52:00 PM  

mark- yeah...absolutely no pics!!

erin- it is certainly looking that way.

Beth 6/20/2006 07:06:00 PM  

Aw, sorry to hear you got hurt. Maybe just taking some time to embrace being single will help the situation a little. Best of luck!

sammygeerock 6/20/2006 08:03:00 PM  

Alef Bet Vet is the begining to the hebrew alphabet,'s the alphabet trick (see #1 On Why I Love Jewish Men), but in hebrew.

Ashburnite 6/20/2006 08:46:00 PM  

beth- thank-you. I'm just so tired of being single.

sammy- haha! I'll have to remember that one!

nicole 6/20/2006 09:37:00 PM  

I definitely think that taking a break is a good idea. Just as long as you don't totally give up on guys and dating altogether. But you've definitely earned a PERMANENT break from assholes!

Sorry you had to go through this again. We're here for you. :)

Aargh 6/21/2006 05:14:00 AM  

I know that are alot of rats out there both male and female but there are nice guys or guys who would be right for you. I have had my troubles with being used by the last three women I was involved with and it hurts. Life goes on and we do get through it It sucks that we have to go through it but for some reason nice people get taken advantage of by a**holes. Just try and enjoy life and something good will happen

friend jason,  6/21/2006 09:05:00 AM  

Do you need me too smack someone around? I am sorry I have been AWAL lately.. Been dealing with the andrea issue..

I love you babe!

Andy 6/21/2006 09:05:00 AM  

There's only one way to find out what I'm sleeping on my dear.

Sweet 6/21/2006 09:21:00 AM  

argh. sorry dear. enjoy your summer and recup! he'll turn up least that's what i keep telling myself!

Ashburnite 6/21/2006 11:25:00 AM  

nicole- thanks. it seems that I am completely unable to take a break from dating.

aargh- thank-you, and I'm sorry there are women out there that use nice guys. it seems like the nice guys never end up with nice girls.

Ashburnite 6/21/2006 11:27:00 AM  

Jason- thanks, sweety. and I understand about you being awol. I love you boo!

andy- ooh...are you flirting with me, sugar? you know I love the innuendo ;-)

sweet- thank-you. And I certainly hope you're right about that.

David in DC,  6/22/2006 12:30:00 PM  

Deaest Ash,

Sorry this guy used what he knew from the blog to woo you under false pretenses.

(I love the word woo, and will sneak it into any sentence I can find. I feel the same way about defenestrate and brouhaha.)

Don't give up. Take it slow, but don't give up.

You're cool; he's the southern end of a northbound horse.

You're hot; he's on a par with the trail left behind a particularly oozy snail.

You've got a mini-blogosphere of fans, friends, acquaintances and people you stir to real emotions on a regular basis with your writing and what you share; he's now got a similarly sized mini-blogosphere of folks eager to defenestrate him.



DC Cookie 6/23/2006 10:01:00 AM  

To play devil's advocate here, are you sure you didn't misinterpret? Just because a guy doesn't return an affection or return a phone call/e-mail doesn't make him an asshole. It makes him human. He's saving you the trouble of bothering, because he's not interested and doesn't want to string you along.

All you have to do is say NEXT, and keep looking. There are plenty of quality men out there, trust me!

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