Looking Up

Friday, August 04, 2006


So this post may be a little scatter-brained, as I am fighting a killer headache and am going on almost no sleep (a week's worth of insomnia is finally catching up). The other day, Mark told me that he is moving. And....maybe it's the lack of sleep, or the recent change in my mood (thank-you, gluten-free diet), but for the first time in a while, I could care less. Holy shit. Am I well on my way to finally getting over him? Am I finally ready to rid him from my life completely? I honestly don't care. For some reason, I am finally realizing that I deserve better. It may have something to do with the much-needed attention I got last night (sorry, no details), or the great conversations with my male blogger friends (who are genuinely sweet guys), but I have no desire to be treated like that anymore. I think my relationship-masochism has finally run it's course. I am completely indifferent to anything he says or does. I don't even care that he's dating someone. Fuck, I don't care if I never see him again.

So, unless I'm just having an "I'm Every Woman" day, this is the last time you'll hear anything about him. I finally deleted him from my phone, and it felt fucking fantastic. Things are most certainly looking up.





***Edit: I just realized that the part about me getting attention last night sounds like I'm saying I got laid. Whether or not I did is irrelevant. My evening was not about sex...it was about someone making me feel very desired and very "wanted," regardless of whether or not there was sex involved. I'll let you make your own assumptions.

9 comments:

Kirsten 8/04/2006 11:47:00 AM  

well its about time I got to hear you sounding so positive...I LOVE IT!!!!
I hope you had fun with that attention you got last nite...lmao...and I really hope you have a great weekend...take care...
:)Just me

Ashburnite 8/04/2006 01:51:00 PM  

kirsten- thanks. details later ;-)

KassyK 8/04/2006 02:10:00 PM  

YAY!! I am so glad that you are feeling that way. Relationship machosism (spelling?) is killer and you definately can have passion and intensity while still being treated well. I'll miss you tonight and feel better--I am so happy for you.

minijonb 8/04/2006 02:25:00 PM  

glad to hear the good news. sounds like you are sooo ready to move on and enjoy yourself. have a great weekend.

White Dade 8/04/2006 04:25:00 PM  

The fact that it took you THIS long to delete his # from your phone is just sad. But progress IS progress, I suppose.

AlienCG 8/04/2006 04:46:00 PM  

It's always good to hear you discuss something positive in your life. You'll find that special someone and you will forget about all the rest.

mgc 8/04/2006 10:52:00 PM  

"For some reason, I am finally realizing that I deserve better."

ash, this is exactly what i wanted to hear from you. well done!

mgc 8/05/2006 03:49:00 AM  

goodnight ashy! sleep well.

Feroz 8/06/2006 01:12:00 AM  

hey i seen ya blog its awesome i like your blog n if u like to i want to do link exchange with u this is my link http://somethingbeautifull.blogspot.com/

regard feroz

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