Tuesday, August 22, 2006
For those of you that don't know the backstory on this, I apologize. A while back I wrote a post that really hurt a friend's feelings and really messed up the friendship. Well, I am happy to say that, although we haven't talked about it yet and I haven't gotten the chance to really apologize, "Jamie" and I are on speaking terms again. I never should have written about him or about what he was going through, and it was pretty fucked up of me. But, I have to say, that despite the fact that I was a terrible friend, he really came through for me over the weekend. Something really shitty happened (as I'm sure you can guess by looking at Friday's post), and when I was desperately trying to get ahold of people to calm me down, he was the only person who responded to my text (that night). He even cared enough to offer to come pick me up on Saturday so that I wouldn't be alone (I was in no mood for company though, so I declined). And who was I to judge in the first place? Gawd knows my life is VERY far from drama-free. The truth is that his friendship meant a lot to me, and not having him to talk to over the past few weeks has sucked ass. I am SO happy he's back in my life.
Speaking of friends, it really amazes me how much you can grow to care about someone you've never met, just by reading their blog. For instance, I have a blogger friend who I've been chatting (comments, emails, IM, phone) with for a few months, and I've really come to care about him. Which was why I was so happy to hear that he now is dating someone (another blogger). He's a really great guy and really deserves some female attention. However, I am a little hurt that I am no longer getting any of his attention. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not really the "everything needs to be about me" type of person (except on the blog), and I expected a small change in behavior, but the commenting has almost stopped all together. And the once hour-long phone conversations have dwindled to less than 5 minutes. And this weekend, when I was having the afore-mentioned crises, he called the next day to see if I was ok, then promptly cut me off mid-conversation (and after only about 2 minutes), saying that he had to go.
I know- right now I sound so unbelievably whiney, but the truth is that even if/when I find someone who can stand to be with me for more than 5 minutes, I will still devote the same amount of attention to my blogger friends; 'cuz yanno, I care about you guys. So am I a terrible person for expecting the same? Am I just being selfish that I am hurt that I no longer get any of his attention?