Preppy Guy Appreciation

So, I know Tara has the whole calendar thing for her blog, but one major missing day is "Preppy Guy Appreciation Day." Traditionally, I was attracted to the more "GQ-style guy," or the "Punk Guy," or the "Jock," or, and one of my personal faves "The Semi-Geeky-But-Oh-So-Hot-Intellectual Guy"(like you, "friend Jason"). But more recently, I have developed an appreciation for Preppy Guys. The preppier the better. I love their little sweater-vests and button-down shirts. I love their tweed jackets. And, yes, I love the polo shirt boys- even with the popped collar. If you hang out at the country club and play cricket with Muffy, Babs, and Troy, I want you. I love your navy blazer and khaki pants. I love that you wear your Polo sweater over your shoulders. Nothing says "I"m a freak in the bedroom" like a pair of loafers and a trust fund.

I think the reason for my more recent love of these guys (I call them "Brads," since most of them are named that anyways) stems from a rather surprising crush that I have at work. Of course, I would never act on it (he's married), but I've been crushing on a co-worker lately. The guy is definitely "Mr. Company Man" and is literally wearing khaki pants and a blue blazer today. Big Yum. The thing is, I'm not sure if I would even look twice at him if it weren't for his personality. And I'm not even sure if his personality is the type that I'm normally attracted to. He would definitely never partake in any playful flirting and is always 100% appropriate. So I just don't get it. Why am I so attracted to him? Maybe it is the preppy factor. All I know is that when I see preppy men, I imagine ripping that sweater vest off of them.

So today is officially "Preppy Guy Appreciation Day." If you see one of them, grab him by his tie (or sweater vest) and plant a big sloppy kiss on him. And if it's a preppy girl that they want, well I would be happy to play dress up and reward them with this:

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My "kid" pic

yesterday was "Post A Photo of Yourself As A Kid On Your Blog Day" day at Tara's blog, and I'm a day late, but I thought I'd do it anyways. This pic proves three things:

1. The ability to accessorize was a gene I was born with.
2. I was very much a military brat.
3. I am, in fact, a natural blonde.

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Why I Love Jewish Men

I’ve always had very eclectic taste when it comes to men- I’ve never been one of those women who has specifications when it comes to who she will date: “I only date men who are over 6 feet tall, with dark hair and blue eyes.” To me this seems ridiculous. By setting certain limits on whom you will and will not date, you are discounting so many eligible men, many of which will probably treat you much better than the small specific group that you limit yourself to. I, on the other hand, am an “equal opportunity dater.” Whether the guy is black, white, Latino, Middle Eastern, tall, short, blonde, or brunette, I date the person, not the image. Granted, we are all attracted to certain features, and attraction is extremely important in a relationship (I would never say “looks don’t matter,” because they absolutely do), attraction will not make you laugh when you’ve had a rough day.

That being said, I have, however, always had a thing for Jewish men. My first encounter with Judaism was in the sixth grade. I lived in a very small town in Pennsylvania, and there was only one Jewish person in my class. While I spent many of my younger years all over the world (military brat), I don’t remember anyone celebrating anything other than Christmas. I was intrigued by the fact that his parents wouldn’t let him be a part of “Secret Santa” because they didn’t celebrate Christmas. My parents were slightly anti-religion (as am I), and never taught me about religions, or about my family’s religious roots.

But it wasn’t until college that I started learning more about Judaism. That’s when I started dating my first “Jew boy” (his words, not mine). And thus began my love of Jewish men. So, without further ado (and because I love lists)- the reasons why I love Jewish men:

1. Great Oral Sex. It was with said Jewish boyfriend that I first had an orgasm from oral sex. In fact, only one other boyfriend before him had even gone down on me (and not very well). I think it’s because of all of the tongue olympics they have to endure while speaking Hebrew, but it’s been my experience that Jewish men are great with the oral. And to this day, I can still say that he was the absolute best when it came (all puns intended) to oral. No one (except my little battery-operated boyfriend) has even come close.
   
2. They are Happy that You Aren’t a JAP. The IJC breaks down Jappy behavior far better than I ever could, so take a look at his site. From what I can gather, most Jewish men would much rather be with a Shiksa than with a JAP. Now, most of my good friends know how much I hate when people feed a stereotype, and JAPs are no exception. I think that most Jewish men try (at least during their youth) to date Jewish women, but there’s only so much nasal whining a man can take. And, being a Shiksa dating a Jewish man, no amount of whining that you do could ever compare to the whining that their female counterparts do.
   
3. They Come with a Circumcision Guarantee. Any woman who has been in the dating game for some amount of time has encountered one or two “uncut” men. Everyone has their preferences, and some women love the turtleneck, but I am not one of them. The only way to be absolutely sure (before sex, that is) that the man I am dating is, in fact, circumcised, is to date a Jewish man. More and more parents are deciding that circumcision is unnecessary and cruel, so more and more men are wearing turtlenecks. Especially, given that my dating age range could mean that the man I’m dating may have raised by hippies. But, given that circumcision is a rite of passage- a ceremony, in fact- Jewish men will always be “cut.”
   
4. Manners. Most Jewish men were raised by Jewish women. And, if nothing else, they mind their manners. I am a little old-fashioned when it comes to manners, and I don’t think there is ever a good reason to forget them. Luckily, neither do Jewish mothers.
   
5. Humor. I have yet to meet a Jewish guy that wasn’t at least a little bit funny. Nothing beats the self-deprecating humor that Jewish guys all seem possess.
   
6. Hava Nagila is one hell of a catchy tune.

So there it is. Just a few of the reasons that I love the Jewish guys. And for anyone who hasn’t seen it, please watch The Hebrew Hammer. Adam Goldberg is the "baddest Heb this side of Tel Aviv."

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MySpace Trainwrecks Part Deux

So, after my first MySpace post got quite a bit of attention, I realized that there must be more than just my blogger buddies out there that love to laugh at some of these carnival freak-show pictures. So, since you all love to look at the trainwrecks on MySpace, I bring you Part Deux.

Since I had no trouble finding the crazies in Alaska the first time, I took another look at our friends to the north. I think Meltz was right when he said, "what do you expect? Those people don't see the friggin' sun for three months a year." Apparently, living in darkness really does affect one's sanity.

Our first friend is Chas. Chas is a 48 year-old man from Anchorage. His friends list looks like a spread for "Beefcake Magazine." Now, I'll admit, Chas is not a bad looking guy, but I think a picture is worth a thousand words. And as you scroll through his pictures, they get racier and racier. The first row of pics he's completely dressed; in the next row he's showing a little more skin; and finally, in the third row he's showing what his momma gave him. Quite an interesting spread, Chas, but I would think a man of your age would want to show a little more class (or is that what the tie is for?). Oh, and by the way, the white socks are a real nice touch.

Next, we have Danielle. Now, I know all of you guys will be drooling over this lovely gem of a woman, but, sorry to tell you, she prefers tacos to sausage. Sorry guys. But if she strikes the fancy of any of you ladies, feel free to shoot me an email, and I'll be happy to send you her MySpace info (just in case you are planning a weekend trip to Anchorage).

Danielle is 19, and- get this- has a strange obsession with Eminem. Maybe she feels she shares a love of white trash with him, but I would think that a lady that loves the ladies would hate everything about Slim Shady. According to the interests that she has listed, the ever-classy Danielle loves girls, porn (who doesn't?), and "of course- Eminem." Of course.

Here's an idea, Danielle: if you are going to post half-naked shots of yourself all over the internet, you may want to take a hint from Chas, and coordinate your bra and underwear, because the patterned red cotton bikinis go SO well with the white cotton bra. And while you're at it, you also may want to find some way to hide all of those bruises. Nothing says "Classy Woman" like a a scattering of bruises.

And, now....to quote my favorite news anchor...."Your moment of zen:"

Words cannot describe how classy this picture is.

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Fame (sort of)

So my little MySpace post got a LOT more attention than I had anticipated. I checked StatCounter at about 8:00 this morning and was shocked to see 478 hits already. So I looked at the visitor activity and realized I had made it onto Wonkette! Yay for me! So I obsessively checked my StatCounter all day, amazed at the number of hits and how quickly they were coming in. When all was said and done (at least as of the time of this post), I had over 1600 hits in less than 24 hours. I know for some blogs, this really isn't a lot of traffic. But for my little blog, it's a huge change from the usual 200 to 300 hits per day. I just hope it continues. And thank-you Wonkette for noticing my humble little blog. And I will definitely keep going with the MySpace posts.

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Myspace Trainwrecks

So, I really am a nice person, and usually not critical of people, but I am so tired of seeing slutty, weird, or just plain horrible pics on MySpace. So I have decided to do a weekly post with random (shitty) pics from MySpace. There are some people whom I know personally who's crappy pics I would love to post, but I'll behave.

Now, I will admit that I am not the most photogenic person in the world, but I have enough sense not to put the really crappy ones on the web. And I would never put any trashy pics of myself up (there aren't any anyways- if I look like crap in the pic, it gets destroyed).

I don't have a lot of patience, so I'm probably missing some really bad pics by only browsing the first few pages of results, but hey, on Myspace you don't have to look very far to find trash.

Without further ado, here are some fun ones from Alaska:

Our first trainwreck is Courtney. At least I think that's her name- she spells it Courtknee, because, let's face it- she's unique and special and doesn't have to spell her name the "common" way.

Ok, so here's a classy girl. I certainly hope mom & dad don't have the link for your myspace page. I really don't think they'd be so proud of their little girl. Honey, close your legs. It looks like this lovely young lady is enjoying some...ummmm....hey- what IS in that thing anyways? I'm sure her prom date was VERY willing to provide the weed...and I'd venture to guess she provided him with something else in lieu of payment. I'm guessing she provides a LOT of guys with a LOT of...ummm...entertainment, judging by her second pic.

Now, I did my fair share of keg stands in college- hell, I went to Penn State- it was practically a pre-requisite. And yes, it's cute to post pics of you doing keg stands all over the web- you want people to think you're fun, don't you? And what better way than to show them that you "like to party"?? But where in the hell are your clothes?? I know there are pajama parties and whatnot, and I thought at first it was some kind of theme party, but I see four other people in the pic who are fully dressed. All of them guys, by the way. Were you the stripper for this sausage fest? Was this the beginning of a long night of being gang-banged? I really hope they paid you well (not just in pot), because four guys are a lot to handle for a little girl like you.


Our next friend is Adam. Adam is so unbelievably cool. He's in a band. I kid you not, here is his eloquent description in the "About Me" section:

"My Bro joined the band that includes me and my computer. Represent."

Hmmmm...I just can't tell you guys how great Adam is...besides, he does a pretty damn good job of it himself.

At first glance, Adam looks like your normal 18 year-old kid. There are pics of him playing golf, and a pic of a baby- not sure if it's his, since there is no description under the pic. But Adam is much cooler than any other 18 year-old golfer in Alaska. Get this: he has fake gold teeth! Now I'm even jealous of him. They aren't the Lil Jon kind- you know- real. They look more like the plastic vampire teeth you get at Spencer's Gifts around Halloween.

There's not much more I can say about Adam, so I'll just leave you with this (call it your moment of Zen, if you will):

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Did He Eat It?

I'm wondering if Tom ate the placenta? What a circus freak show he's turned into. I used to have a crush on him; now I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole. Not only does poor Katie have to give birth to the spawn of this freak, but she has to do it without any pain meds AND without making any noise??!! Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if those Scientology freaks gagged her to keep her quiet.

Now poor Katie is tied to the freak show until one of them dies. Someone needs to stage an intervention.

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Tagged...again

I guess this is what I get for pointing out that Tara forgot to tag people. This one is the the "List 6 Interesting Facts About Yourself" meme. Not sure what would be considered interesting, but there are certainly some weird things about me. In fact, I'm going to have a hard time narrowing it down to just 6. But here goes:

1. I am freakishly good at math. Or rather, I used to be. Not so much anymore, since I started relying on Excel to do everything for me. But a friend used to call me "Rainman" because I could do complex math in my head. It's a side effect of the OCD. I'm obsessed with numbers- I count steps when I walk, I hate odd numbers (unless they are multiples of 5)- I won't leave the volume on the radio or tv at 7 or 9 or any other odd number not divisible by 5.

2. Apparently I'm a genius. I passed the test for MENSA, but never became a member. I went to a "meet & greet" and thought the people were so unbelievably dull and conceited that I didn't want to waste my money or time to belong to that group.

3. I am deathly afraid of clowns. Nothing's scarier than a clown. I also am afraid of spiders, confined spaces, and falling.

4. I am incredibly flexible. Years of stretching and yoga have made me VERY limber. I can even put my legs behind my neck.

5. I won't eat certain foods based soley on texture. I like sushi, but will not touch roe- the texture gives me the creeps. I also will not eat grits because of this.

6. There are certain words that I cannot say, due to my eclectic mix of accents (German, Jersey, North Carolina and Pennsylvania). Words such as "world" and "rural." I just avoid those words because people usually end up making fun of me.

So there- 6 of the many weird things about me. Actually, I'll give you a seventh, because it explains a lot about some of my blog posts:

7. I have severe ADD. My attention span is about 15 to 20 minutes. It made college very difficult.

Ok, so on to the tags:

Cody (thought you avoided that, huh?)
Nicole
Kirsten
MiniJonB
Bad @ Life
Johnson

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Village People Cop Going to T-R-I-A-L

Just in case you were wondering what ever happened to the Village People, here's a little news for you. And someone should tell him that you're supposed to stop doing crack and banging prostitutes after the age of 30.


(From E! Online News)

Wed Apr 12, 9:08 AM ET
Dressing up as a police officer for career purposes evidently doesn't make one immune to the law.
A Bay Area judge ruled Monday that there was enough evidence to send the drug-related cases against Victor Edward Willis--the original cop from '70s hit-makers the Village People--to trial.

Willis, 54, was arrested July 11 when police found crack cocaine, drug paraphernalia and a loaded gun in his car during a routine traffic stop in Daly City, a suburb of San Francisco. A $15,000 felony warrant for narcotics possession had already been issued for Willis, so when the cop pulled him over he was arrested on the spot.
The singer was free on $100,000 bail until he refused to face the music and skipped a court hearing in October. Willis wasn't off the radar for long, however--he was nabbed Mar. 26, when yet another traffic stop, this time in South San Francisco, turned into a drug bust, with police finding bags of cocaine in the car. Both Willis and the woman he was riding around with tried to give fake names to the arresting officer, but the attempted subterfuge did nothing but add a charge of giving false identification to a police officer to the drug-related counts he is facing.
To make matters no better, Willis's female companion, Staci Brandt, identified herself to the police as a prostitute, according to the Associated Press. She pleaded no contest to drug possession and was sentenced to 60 days in jail and probation.
Willis, one of the founding minds behind such peppy party staples as "Y.M.C.A." and "Macho Man," has been held without bail in Redwood City, Calif., since his arrest last month.
With the latest drug possession charges stemming from his Mar. 26 arrest, Willis now has three cases pending against him. There are also the cocaine and weapons possession charges from July 11 and a prior case involving probation violation and previous cocaine troubles.
Although Willis originally copped a plea after his July arrest that would have had him spending no more than 16 months in state prison, because he disappeared rather than show up for court he's now facing five years.
The former Village Person is due back in court Apr. 18 so that the cases against him can be consolidated.
Because of a prior drug conviction from about 15 years ago, Willis is ineligible for a drug treatment diversion program, according to San Mateo County Assistant District Attorney Morley Pitt, who is prosecuting the cases.
Willis left the Village People in 1979 and was replaced by Ray Simpson, who dons the Police Officer's uniform to this day alongside iconic band mates the Cowboy, the Soldier, the Construction Worker, the Native American and the Biker.

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Happy Hump Day

Just a little something to brighten your Wednesday.

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Random Google Search

I just checked my statcounter (as we bloggers do obsessively), and it's funny...everyone was just talking about the random google searches that brought people to their blogs. Well...this must be my wierdest: "moan zones." So I racked my brain, trying to figure out where the hell on my blog those two words appear, then checked the google results again...it was from my post "Holy Shit This is Accurate." Makes sense that it was something I copied and pasted...I knew I didn't actually type that anywhere.

I'm sure that guy was damn disappointed when he clicked on my blog and realized it was a horoscope.

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Addiction

So I have to come clean. I have a substance abuse problem. I've tried to kick it, but I just can't. It started off once a week. Then today, I realized that I had it four times this week. I think I need help. There must be some kind of detox program.


That's right. Chipotle has gotten ahold of me. Their Steak Soft Tacos are pure heaven. Just the right amount of spice, cooled off with a small amout of sour cream. I dream about Chipotle. The thought of it makes my mouth water.

I guess it could be worse, though. They are relatively low-carb and much healthier than anything from McDonald's.

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Yummy

So I finally tried Coke Blak. (I know, Nicole- I waited until Friday to do it, but I couldn't make it to Target until today). And I am definitely am a fan. I was a little skeptical at first, the thought of coffee-flavored Coke wasn't too appealing. But it's surprisingly refreshing. Not quite as good as an ice-cold can of "pure liquid joy," but it'll do. I give it two thumbs up.

I can't see replacing my old favorite with it, especially since the price is a little high ($4.99 for a four-pack of 8 oz bottles). Plus, nothing beats the original.

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Annoying Client Part II

What is it- asshole day? Another meeting planner called me a few minutes ago (actually, it was about 20 mins ago- 20 torturous minutes on the phone with this idiot). She was looking at the delegate list (shows everyone that has reservations), and saw her own name on it. She claims that she never made a reservation, but the room is being held with her credit card. She was bitching to me about identity theft and how she would hold the hotel responsible. I looked up her information, and informed her that it was made through our 800 number on March 9 at 12:23 pm (that's the only info I can pull up). She swears that she didn't make it, so someone must have stolen her identity. So let me get this straight: someone stole your credit card # and made a reservation under your name for the meeting that you are planning and the dates that you plan on being here? Give me a damn break. Someone needs to lay off the sauce so early in the day. I almost asked her if she blacks out when she drinks. Asshat.

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Annoying Client

So I have spent the last few weeks dealing with this unbelievably demanding client. One of my responsibilities is to set up websites for meetings, so that the attendees can book their rooms online. There is a template and there are only certain fields that I can edit. Almost all of the sites for corporate meetings look exactly the same and it normally only takes about 10 minutes to build one. We have this client who has emailed me every day, and now wants a conference call today to tell us (myself, the sales manager, and the hotel manager) exactly what he wants on his site. I keep telling him that only certain fields can be edited and I have no control over the general design of the site. I am not a programmer, so even if I was able to edit the thing, I would have no idea how to. These sites are a FREE perk that we offer meeting planners, yet almost every single one complains about the sites. Honestly, why the fuck complain about something that is free and not offered to you by any other hotel you book with? What the fuck.

Anyways, the point of my story... as demanding as this guy is, you would think that he's planning some big important meeting, right? You'd be wrong. His event is a Pen Show. Yep, for people that collect pens. Pens. Bics. Are you kidding me? I can understand (kind of) people that collect model planes, kites, coins, hell even stamps. But pens?? Get a freaking life.

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Much Needed Time Off (not from blogging)

So I've been giving this a lot of thought, and since my friend Jason is doing it, I have decided to do it as well. Being single. I have decided to not date for a while. A friend once said, "the best way to get over a man is to get under another man." Well....I have been serial-dating lately, and it really isn't working for me. Looking back, this is the way I have always dealt with a break-up, and, while it may work for some people, it has never worked for me. For me, it's equivalent to being in denial. I never really get over the pain of a break-up because I am too busy trying to distract myself from the pain and from looking at the relationship and objectively trying to figure out where things went wrong.

The thing is, I know where things went wrong. I know that I am so scared of being hurt that I end up pushing the person away. I do things that scare men away. Granted, MU wasn't without fault, but I did plenty of things wrong as well. I need to take a step back and look at what I do that kills my own chances at happiness and figure out why I do those things.

I know that I also pick the wrong men. I am not saying that MU is a bad guy, because he isn't. He just wasn't right for me. We were looking for different things. I wanted a real relationship, he wanted someone to hang out with during the rare occasions that he had the time. But some of the guys I've gone out with since the break-up have been VERY bad for me. I think I am sub-consciously going out with men that there is no chance that I'll be happy with, because it's just easier than actually caring about someone and ending up hurt. I think that there is some part of me that doesn't believe that I deserve better. Some part of me is sabotaging any chance of happiness. Until I can fix that, I need to be alone.

This also includes certain...ummm....physical activities. Yep, unlike Jason, I am doing the 40 Days & 40 Nights thing. Only, I'm not going to put a time limit on it. I don't think that I can specifically say how long it will take me. The thing is, I have always been an "in the moment" kind of person. And, while sex feels good at the time, meaningless sex just isn't healthy for me. That is the most important thing that MU taught me- that sex really is SO much better when you are in love with the person. The time that we spent together was amazing, and I just don't think that I can go back to the "instant gratification" thing. Somehow, I feel that I would be cheating myself and cheapening the experience. I still love MU, and I can't stomach anyone else touching me right now.

So that's where I am at right now...taking care of the one person in my life that always gets ignored- Me. As far as "The Rules Experiment," I will still dissect the "Rules"(with White Dade's help). Trust me, there are a lot of them to dissect. But I won't be dating anymore.

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