Myspace Trainwrecks

Thursday, April 20, 2006

So, I really am a nice person, and usually not critical of people, but I am so tired of seeing slutty, weird, or just plain horrible pics on MySpace. So I have decided to do a weekly post with random (shitty) pics from MySpace. There are some people whom I know personally who's crappy pics I would love to post, but I'll behave.

Now, I will admit that I am not the most photogenic person in the world, but I have enough sense not to put the really crappy ones on the web. And I would never put any trashy pics of myself up (there aren't any anyways- if I look like crap in the pic, it gets destroyed).

I don't have a lot of patience, so I'm probably missing some really bad pics by only browsing the first few pages of results, but hey, on Myspace you don't have to look very far to find trash.

Without further ado, here are some fun ones from Alaska:

Our first trainwreck is Courtney. At least I think that's her name- she spells it Courtknee, because, let's face it- she's unique and special and doesn't have to spell her name the "common" way.

Ok, so here's a classy girl. I certainly hope mom & dad don't have the link for your myspace page. I really don't think they'd be so proud of their little girl. Honey, close your legs. It looks like this lovely young lady is enjoying some...ummmm....hey- what IS in that thing anyways? I'm sure her prom date was VERY willing to provide the weed...and I'd venture to guess she provided him with something else in lieu of payment. I'm guessing she provides a LOT of guys with a LOT of...ummm...entertainment, judging by her second pic.

Now, I did my fair share of keg stands in college- hell, I went to Penn State- it was practically a pre-requisite. And yes, it's cute to post pics of you doing keg stands all over the web- you want people to think you're fun, don't you? And what better way than to show them that you "like to party"?? But where in the hell are your clothes?? I know there are pajama parties and whatnot, and I thought at first it was some kind of theme party, but I see four other people in the pic who are fully dressed. All of them guys, by the way. Were you the stripper for this sausage fest? Was this the beginning of a long night of being gang-banged? I really hope they paid you well (not just in pot), because four guys are a lot to handle for a little girl like you.

Our next friend is Adam. Adam is so unbelievably cool. He's in a band. I kid you not, here is his eloquent description in the "About Me" section:

"My Bro joined the band that includes me and my computer. Represent."

Hmmmm...I just can't tell you guys how great Adam is...besides, he does a pretty damn good job of it himself.
At first glance, Adam looks like your normal 18 year-old kid. There are pics of him playing golf, and a pic of a baby- not sure if it's his, since there is no description under the pic. But Adam is much cooler than any other 18 year-old golfer in Alaska. Get this: he has fake gold teeth! Now I'm even jealous of him. They aren't the Lil Jon kind- you know- real. They look more like the plastic vampire teeth you get at Spencer's Gifts around Halloween.
There's not much more I can say about Adam, so I'll just leave you with this (call it your moment of Zen, if you will):


Cody 4/20/2006 02:23:00 PM  

There are some weird folks on the myspace. You've opened up an infinite jar of blogging material there.

Tara 4/20/2006 02:54:00 PM  

I think it might be MySpace day or something, because I just mentioned a little something about it on my recent post. I really don't know how these people could believe they look good.

I guess I missed out on those keg stands in college. Damn.

AlienCG 4/20/2006 04:08:00 PM  

MySpace, to me at least, is a juvenile meatmarket. It has been at the center of many pedophile cases as of late.

Anonymous,  4/20/2006 06:52:00 PM  

You know, Ash, if oyu're going to limit your searches to peopel in Alaska, seriously, waht do you expect? Those people don't see the friggin' sun for three months a year. A naked keg-stand gang-bang by guys with gold teeth is probably what passes for entertainment.
Just a thought

Ashburnite 4/20/2006 07:37:00 PM  

Cody- yeah, I have a feeling that it could go on forever; but I'm only going to do a few people from each state. hell, I could probably post for months about just one state.

Tara- yeah, you definitely missed that milestone. I loved keg stands.

Alien- it is definitely a meat market- that's why I will no longer meat, er meet anyone from Myspace anymore. As far as the pedophile thing- I think the problem lies more with the parents of the kids that let them go on a site like Myspace.

anon- (Meltz?) touche...but I'm sure I can find a whole lot of freaks in any state. By the way- where wouldn't that be entertainment?

nicole 4/20/2006 08:33:00 PM  

Okay, maybe this'll give me something entertaining to do on myspace -- cruise around for horrible photos. I just can't get addicted to it like other folks do. Not that I'm too good for it, I'm just to busy blogging. ;)

So let us know if you want us to submit our photo finds. :)

wildbill the pirate,  4/20/2006 11:48:00 PM  

Te sad truth is that Courtknee can: A-own a gun,B-vote, and C-breed. I suspect she doing a LOT of breeding and if we don't watch out she will be emulated by hundreds of thousands of others! what a great time to be a guy!

Betty 4/21/2006 02:11:00 PM  

Stop stealing pics from my myspace profile! I hate this site so much.

Ashburnite 4/21/2006 02:24:00 PM  

Nicole- sure, if you find some particularly horrendous pics, please PLEASE send them my way!

wilbill- it is very sad, isn't it?

Betty- I knew it was you!!!! Please, next time you do a kegstand, just please wear some damn clothes.

jenjen 4/21/2006 07:03:00 PM  

I missed out on so much in college.

Kirsten 4/22/2006 08:47:00 AM  

all I can say is EWWWWW to the dude with the gold teeth...that was just nasty...and as for that can I say? TOOO funny....have fun with this one, ash...Im lookin forward to to ya later
:)Just me

Bronzetrinity 4/22/2006 04:23:00 PM  

You know what's so weird about this? First, any person can post their stories and images on the net and now we can gossip about them like celebrities! So weird...People had better not post embarrassing crap that they don't want to be infamous for! :)

Ashburnite 4/22/2006 10:03:00 PM  

Jen- you mean to tell me you've never done a keg stand?? you're definitely missing out.

Kirsten- yeah, it was much more fun than I had expected.

bronze- amen. I mean, what response was that girl looking for posting pics like that?

AlienCG 4/23/2006 06:04:00 PM  

Hey, did "CourtKnee" happen to post her phone number on her profile? My bet is it starts with 1-900.... You can tell she's a woman of quality by the way she holds the bong.

Now Adam is just a cool guy. I can't say anything about the golfing since I have a handicap of my own (it's called my swing). His coolness just goes over-the-top with the gold teeth. The really sad part is that girl next to him in the second picture probably thinks he's cool.

mgc 4/23/2006 09:09:00 PM  

i would be so proud to have them as my children! she does handle a bong quite well. obviously she has has much practice. wait, did she say her name was courtknee? damn, that is my daughter, son of a b...

Anonymous,  12/14/2006 06:11:00 AM  

dude ur just fuckin jealous that you're not having the time of your life like the people in those pics. i got pics of me in my birthday suit doin a kegstand on sat night and you know what? it ws so fuckin liberating! who the fuck caares man?? just lay back and enjoyyy smoke a blunt, thats what life it about.. doing whatever makes you happy and notgiving a fuck. maybe talking shit about people you dont even know from alaska makes you happy... so hey, keep on at it if it does!! hahah

Lauren Lewis
Rhode Island

Ashburnite 12/14/2006 08:40:00 AM  

Lauren/anon- wow, you sound like a real winner. maybe you should come back when you grow up and have a grasp of the English language. oh, and smoking a blunt? I'm guessing you're going to work at a 7-11 for the rest of your life.

Ashburnite 12/14/2006 08:42:00 AM  

oh, and you did a keg stand (i'm guessing at a party with people around) naked? wow, you're a classy lady. I had a good time in college...but at least I did it with a little class. good look with whatever venerial diseases you pick up.

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