Much Needed Time Off (not from blogging)

So I've been giving this a lot of thought, and since my friend Jason is doing it, I have decided to do it as well. Being single. I have decided to not date for a while. A friend once said, "the best way to get over a man is to get under another man." Well....I have been serial-dating lately, and it really isn't working for me. Looking back, this is the way I have always dealt with a break-up, and, while it may work for some people, it has never worked for me. For me, it's equivalent to being in denial. I never really get over the pain of a break-up because I am too busy trying to distract myself from the pain and from looking at the relationship and objectively trying to figure out where things went wrong.

The thing is, I know where things went wrong. I know that I am so scared of being hurt that I end up pushing the person away. I do things that scare men away. Granted, MU wasn't without fault, but I did plenty of things wrong as well. I need to take a step back and look at what I do that kills my own chances at happiness and figure out why I do those things.

I know that I also pick the wrong men. I am not saying that MU is a bad guy, because he isn't. He just wasn't right for me. We were looking for different things. I wanted a real relationship, he wanted someone to hang out with during the rare occasions that he had the time. But some of the guys I've gone out with since the break-up have been VERY bad for me. I think I am sub-consciously going out with men that there is no chance that I'll be happy with, because it's just easier than actually caring about someone and ending up hurt. I think that there is some part of me that doesn't believe that I deserve better. Some part of me is sabotaging any chance of happiness. Until I can fix that, I need to be alone.

This also includes certain...ummm....physical activities. Yep, unlike Jason, I am doing the 40 Days & 40 Nights thing. Only, I'm not going to put a time limit on it. I don't think that I can specifically say how long it will take me. The thing is, I have always been an "in the moment" kind of person. And, while sex feels good at the time, meaningless sex just isn't healthy for me. That is the most important thing that MU taught me- that sex really is SO much better when you are in love with the person. The time that we spent together was amazing, and I just don't think that I can go back to the "instant gratification" thing. Somehow, I feel that I would be cheating myself and cheapening the experience. I still love MU, and I can't stomach anyone else touching me right now.

So that's where I am at right now...taking care of the one person in my life that always gets ignored- Me. As far as "The Rules Experiment," I will still dissect the "Rules"(with White Dade's help). Trust me, there are a lot of them to dissect. But I won't be dating anymore.