Random Acts of Stupidity

Friday, May 26, 2006


  1. If you are on the elevator and it stops on a floor, don’t immediately assume that it’s the floor you need to get out on. There are other people in the building, and one of them maybe trying to ride the elevator. Pay attention, fucktard. The lobby is the button with the “L” and the big fucking star next to it. I know that’s a hard concept to grasp. You may also want to pay attention to the voice that announces what floor you are on. I know that “Mezzanine” sounds a lot like “Lobby,” but they are not the same floor. And, if you do decide to not pay attention, and roll your 3 huge fucking suitcases and 5 screaming kids halfway out of the elevator before you decide that you are on the wrong floor, please try to avoid rolling that shit over my toes. These are expensive shoes. Plus, I would prefer to keep both of my big toes.
  2. If you send me an email, asking me for a report, please don’t give your life story with it. All I need to know is what data you want and when you want it by. I don’t need to know who you are sending it to, why they need it, who they want to show the report to, what significance the report will have in your life, and what you ate for dinner last night. I should not have to sift through all of the bullshit in your 5-page email just to try to figure out what the fuck you are asking me for.
  3. If you do send me an email, don’t then immediately call me or come to my office to tell me that you sent me an email and proceed to tell me what the email says. I can read (very well, actually). You have totally nullified the importance of the email.
  4. I send you a report every week telling you exactly where you are in comparison to your goals. Don’t come to me the next day asking me if you are going to make your fucking goals. Look at the fucking report I sent you.
  5. If I send you an email requesting a contract, don’t reply and tell me that you are bringing it right over. I don’t fucking care. Just bring it. In the time that it took you to type, “Sure, I’ll bring it right over,” you could have walked your ass over here and given it to me.
  6. If you need something from me, for the love of all things holy, send me a damn email. Don’t come into my office when it is very obvious that I am busy, and stand there staring at me. If you don’t say anything, I will pretend you aren’t there. I have work to do. Leave me alone.

Is it obvious that someone needs some sleep??

17 comments:

mgc 5/26/2006 11:24:00 AM  

wow ash,
you do need sleep! although that bitch should watch the shoes.

maybe the needy goal guy just likes to look at you. he really should learn to be more productive and he may meet his goals.

take a deep breath.

Cody 5/26/2006 11:36:00 AM  

Don't forget to reply to all with your witty sarcasm. We have a lot of those people here.

Andy 5/26/2006 12:32:00 PM  

Who needs sleep when there's gin? That's my motto.

Try and forgive the little people their faults. They don't know any better.

minijonb 5/26/2006 12:50:00 PM  

woooweooo! ashburnite's got an axe to grind with all the ftards in her office! have you tried meditation?

NotCarrie 5/26/2006 01:42:00 PM  

I hate people who make things more difficult. UGH!!!!!

Ashburnite 5/26/2006 02:51:00 PM  

mgc- yeah, that bia needs to back away from my shoes. and of course, everyone wants to look at me :-)

cody- of course...you know I will.

andy- I'll have to start keeping a flask in my desk.

Ashburnite 5/26/2006 02:52:00 PM  

mjb- you should know me better than that by now- the ADD keeps me from being able to sit still and clear my mind long enough to meditate.

notcarrie- amen.

AlienCG 5/26/2006 04:28:00 PM  

I've experienced so many of these things in past jobs. Not so much anymore, but thanks for the reminder. Oh, yeah, get some sleep.

kojak 5/26/2006 06:16:00 PM  

Stupidity ought to be painful.

Hey check out my blog. The Famous "Pyromania" Story has been posted.

mgc 5/26/2006 06:44:00 PM  

ash, are you off for the week-end and the stupidity?

Ashburnite 5/26/2006 09:09:00 PM  

alien- yeah, the world is full of stupidity

lebatron- I'll have to take a look at it.

mgc- yes, thank gawd

Beth 5/27/2006 05:37:00 PM  

Maybe a little sleep...

Fantastic blog though and I agree fully with the elevator thing. Hence why I take the stairs whenever possible. I can't take the stupidity.

Matthew Didier 5/28/2006 12:00:00 PM  

"If you are on the elevator and it stops on a floor"

I'm a file clerk right now that needs to use the elevators in my office primarilly to the lobby, 7th, 20th (crossover), 34th, and 35th floor.

People get SO mad at me at times because it APPEARS that this "fucktard" is NOT paying attention to the floors and is ready to disembark at the 33rd or 2nd... whatever floor.

Wrong!

You see, I'm pushing this goddamned metal cart (trust me, if I didn't have to, I wouldn't!) and TRUST ME, it's better that I take my eyes off the "floor lights" when close and try to negotiate out of human gridlock in an elevator WITHOUT running someone over (ever been hit with a grocery cart? Same thing...) and make for the door gently and sometimes end up at one-floor off where I'm supposed to be than keep my eyes on those lights and then, in the mad rush to actually MAKE the open doors, have to slam into people and listen to the shin-splint.

How about the "fucktards" that stand in a practically EMPTY elevator at the doors to ensure no one else can get in with them? I deal with that on a daily basis.

Heart Of Darkness 5/28/2006 12:46:00 PM  

Big toes are overrated, but I hate when people don't pay attention. There should be hunting season for those - and you know we'd get a few, since they probably wouldn't notice the season starting!

Anyway... shoes being destroyed (okay, maybe they are just a little dirty) is a GREAT excuse to buy another pair! And another, and another, and another, and...

Take care & don't spend too much! :)

//Hart

Johnson 5/28/2006 01:28:00 PM  

"If I send you an email requesting a contract, don’t reply and tell me that you are bringing it right over. I don’t fucking care. Just bring it. In the time that it took you to type, “Sure, I’ll bring it right over,” you could have walked your ass over here and given it to me."

Oh dear lord, I fucking HATE that!!! The primary people I talk to are anal retentive accountant CPA types and they call up and go, "I sent you an email/fax about 4 seconds ago, did you get it? If not here's the gist of it..." even though any correspondance they get from us says, "respond via email, we do not confirm the receipt of individual fax/email due to heavy volume." I wish I could put my hand through the telephone wire and strangle them sometimes.

thordora 6/03/2006 12:15:00 PM  

Amen to number 4 dude.

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