Want to Feel Like a Genius?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

This will be my only post until Sunday night. I know, you're disappointed. You will have to go the whole weekend without anything new from me. Sometimes it's rough being a rockstar. I know that people live and breathe for my blog. Unfortunately, I will be out of town for the weekend, so I won't be able to give you guys your daily fix of Ashburnite.

All joking aside, I am off to Solomon's Island for the weekend. My uncle keeps the boat docked there, and it's been dry-docked all winter, so there is quite a lot of cleaning to do before we can launch it. Also- my dad and the stepmother are joining us, and I am finally meeting her. I won't bore you all with the details, but it's a pretty messed up situation. In fact, the reason I am meeting her is that I haven't seen my dog in over a year, and I miss him dearly. Seeing him again was contingent on me meeting her.

Anyways, on Sunday I'll fill everyone in on how it went, and bore you to tears with pictures.

Until then, I thought I'd start off your weekend with a little humor. We've all seen these before, but they really help when you are feeling less than brilliant.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore

"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

There...now don't you feel smarter? Hope everyone has a great weekend!


Kirsten 5/04/2006 09:57:00 AM  

well...now I truly don't feel as stupid as I did five minutes ago...thanks for that...I needed that...lmao...I can NOT believe that I will not be talking to you on Saturday...now my weekend will just not be the same...I mean, I do understand, the dog and all...but what about ME???? lol..take care..thanks for ruining my weekend, and on that note, have a great time :) :)
:)Just me

minijonb 5/04/2006 10:18:00 AM  

"I love West Virginia. I practically grew up in Ashburn."
-- minijonb


Funny stuff you got there today.

mgc 5/04/2006 10:23:00 AM  

well just remember how much your dog has missed you... it has to live with her! have fun, be safe and send a postcard.

Sweet 5/04/2006 12:00:00 PM  

I do, thanks for that!

Kirsten 5/04/2006 03:16:00 PM  

hey...just a quick note...I wanted to let ya know that I FINALLY got a Coke Blak...im still thinkin on it...not too sure yet...when you get home, and I've had a few more, I will tell ya...anyways...just had to share...See...these things pop in my head about you all the time...HOW AM I GONNA MAKE IT WITH YOU GONE FOR THAT LONG?????
Love ya girl...and gonna miss ya

AlienCG 5/04/2006 05:05:00 PM  

That made me feel better.

nicole 5/04/2006 11:03:00 PM  

I love that you provided visual aid with each ridiculous quote. That just made it all the more REAL!

Have fun this weekend. You'll find us shivering in the corner when you return.

mgc 5/05/2006 11:12:00 PM  

ash, why do you take a vacation now? i am bored...

Ashburnite 5/07/2006 03:05:00 PM  

Kirsten- have no fear- I'm baaaack!!

mini- haha....hmmm...I don't know what to say to that one.

mgc- thanks. all in all, it wasn't horrible, and seeing the dog again made my day.

sweet- anything I can do to help my fellow bloggers.

kirsten- haha...so you're still undecided, huh? yeah, I had a few of them before I decided that I liked them.

Ashburnite 5/07/2006 03:07:00 PM  

leon- yep...pretty much.

alien- glad I could help.

nicole- thanks. shivering in the corner? It wasn't that cold, was it?

mgc- like I told Kirsten- have no fear- I have returned!

Posy 5/11/2006 11:20:00 AM  

I always knew Mariah Carey was a dumb as a post. Now I have proof.

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