By the way......

I will be out of town until Tuesday, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to post anything while I'm gone. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend, and I'll see you all next week.

Happy 4th!!

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Nextel Etiquette

I work in a rather large hotel, and it seems that half the staff has company Nextels. While I think that the whole "direct connect" thing can come in handy, especially for businesses, I have started to notice how inconsiderate people are when using it. My office in two doors down and across the hall from our conference room. Without fail, every day someone who is in a meeting gets "chirped" and goes out into the hallway to take the call. While they are being considerate to the other people in the meeting, they are being extremely rude to those of us in the offices who then have to listen to the entire 30 minute back-and-forth on speakerphone. It's annoying enough to be forced to listen to one person on a cell phone, but to be forced to listen to both sides of the conversation? I usually end up getting up and loudly closing my office door (not slamming- I HATE when people slam doors).

And it doesn't stop with work. I go to the grocery store and hear people on Nextels. Here's an idea, people: when someone "chirps" you, CALL THEM BACK!! I really don't want to hear that your husband needs hemorrhoid cream while I'm trying to figure out which fruits have the lowest number of calories. It seems that people are becoming more and more self-absorbed and less considerate of the people around them.

I have Sprint service and a new "Ready Link" capable phone. And I actually considered getting the service, but have decided against it for several reasons:
1. Like I said, it's very inconsiderate to other people. Plus, I don't even like people hearing my side of a conversation.
2. Between the unlimited texting, unlimited internet usage, picture mail, free in-network calling, and no roaming charges, my bill is already WAY too padded with extra charges. But these are all things that I absolutely need (or, at least I've convinced myself that I need them).
3. I wouldn't want to be in the middle of something* and have my dad's voice come over the phone. Yes, I know you can turn the direct connect feature off at any time, but I can barely remember to put underwear on most of the time, so the chances of me remembering to do that are pretty damn slim.
4. I hate the way my voice sounds on speakerphone.

So, people...PLEASE, I'm begging you...if you have a Nextel/Sprint phone, and you use Direct Connect/Ready Link.....think of the fact that the people around you really don't want to hear your girlfriend talk about her sore nipples. Be courteous and call the person.

*go where ever you would like with that one.

And speaking of, I have a new phone....it's cute, and yes, IT'S PINK!! Make fun of me all you want, but I happen to love pink, and I love my new phone.

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Enough?

When do you say "enough is enough"? When someone continually lies to you? When that person has ripped your heart out more times than you can count? When they've hurt you so badly that you can barely get out of bed? When you've become the needy, obsessive kind of person that you hate? When they have made you do things that you could never imagine doing? What if you just can't quit him? What if you've tried and just can't? When is it just too much?

Maybe I need that change of scenery I told a few of you about. I've decided that if/when it's offered, I am going to take it.

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Update

Dinner was great (LOVE Melting Pot)....DIR was great (such a sweety)...had a great time!!

And since White Dade thinks this blog is becoming too PG-13, this one's for you, love:

shit damn ass fuck cock

better???

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Nice Guys

So DIR* ("Does It Right") already seems too good to be true. He called me last night to tell me he had a great time at lunch and wanted to move our 2nd date up to tonight (if I didn't already have plans, of course....gawd he's good). He also asked what my favorite restaurant is...I guess that's where we're going. How sweet is that??? He's so good it scares me.

*Thank-you Kassy for the name!

Speaking of nice guys, mgc wrote me a poem!! No one has ever written a poem about me. He is such a sweety!! No wonder I'm smitten! Here it is:

JLB

blonde and lovely
with the cutest little toes
her words, soft and smooth
like the beauty of a budding rose

her luck with men
has lacked a certain zest
most seem to be just right
then turn to loathsome pests

to see her face
to Myspace she'll send
just don't ask "is your cousin single?"
or "do you have a friend?"

i hope this will work
and not make you sob
but if it does, well
simply think of me as bob

Thanks, mgc...you certainly brightened my day. muah!

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New Hope

So I had a lunch date today- a blind date to be exact. A mutual friend set us up. And let me just say- that friend just became a much better friend. I had a great time! First of all, he came to pick me up...something that doesn't happen too much anymore and always scores points in my book. We went to Sweetwater Tavern (one of my favorite low-key places) and had a great lunch (and a few drinks). He was great- intelligent, polite, funny, and cute. And he seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying. And, very importantly, we made plans for a second date before he dropped me off (take notes, guys, this guy did everything perfectly). So, since there is a second date scheduled, I have to come up with a clever nickname for him.

I know I'm supposed to be taking time off from dating, but I couldn't help myself. Even if things don't work out with this guy, at least it's given me a little hope that I won't end up being a lonely old spinster.

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Must Have Been the Slaw...

So yesterday was our sales "retreat." Although, a day at one of our sister properties in the area can't really be considered a retreat, especially when we find out that morning that said property was hosting all of our regional VP's from corporate. Great. We each had to do a presentation about our new brand initiatives. Nothing major, but I HATE speaking in front of people. Anyways, the presentations were over by lunch, then we all took "Cute Boss" to David Greggory for a pricey going-away lunch. Yes, I'm sad to say, Cute Boss is moving to Phoenix. So so so sad. I was hoping to at least hook up a little with him, but doesn't look like that's going to happen. Oh well. Que sera sera.

Anyways, we get to the restaurant, and get our appetizers and drinks. Great apps, great mojitos. Well, most of us got the crabcake (with fries and slaw). Decent, definitely not the best one I've ever had, but not too bad. Well, we finish our lunch and drinks, then start the four block hike back to the hotel. By the second block, a few of us start feeling nauseous. I was sick all night. And all day today. And I'm still sick at 10:30 the next night. Fuck. I went to work this morning, but left early. Apparently, almost everyone who had the crabcake was sick. The only person who wasn't had spinach instead of slaw. Must have been the fucking slaw. The way I feel right now, I wish my floor would open up and swallow me. Silver lining? I think I've lost about 10 pounds since yesterday.

And by the way....50 bucks for a tiny crabcake is NOT a good deal, especially when you throw it up 30 minutes later.

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Well Isn't That a Bitch

This week isn't turning out as well as it should have. Tomorrow is our sales retreat, and we were supposed to leave work at around lunch and go to Phily for the night. It would have been a night of talking (drinking) and bonding (debauchery), followed by some actual work and a meeting on Friday. I was hoping to get "Cute Boss" drunk so that I could take advantage, but unfortunately, fate has decided that it won't happen. Our GM started questioning the cost (hmm.... sending the group that brings ALL of the revenue into the hotel, not to mention won Sales Team of the Year-North America last year, and earned this hotel eight figures in revenue last year, out of town for ONE night a year is far too expensive). The funny thing is, the company keeps shoving this new brand initiative down our throats- some warm, fuzzy feelings* bullshit. Kind of ironic that we're supposed to feel like the company cares about us when they make us "tone down" the cost of our retreat. So instead we are meeting at one of our DC properties for the day tomorrow for just the meeting part of our plans (boring). And yes, WE will be buying our own lunch as well. Damn it all to hell. Warm, fuzzy shit* my ass

Long story short, I won't be able to post or comment tomorrow :-( because I will me in a stuffy meeting room.

*This is not actually the slogan, but my version of it. If I told you all what it actually was, someone out there would do some research and find out where I work. Can't have y'all stalking me now, can I? (unless you're cute, then by all means, stalk away)

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The Wolf in Nice Guy's Clothing

Sorry gang, this is not a happy post. It seems that I mistakenly let my guard down (again) and got hurt (again). Luckily, I didn't have any real feelings invested this time. But are there really any truly nice guys out there any more?

This most recent one played the "nice guy" role so convincingly, so perfectly, that he had me snowed from day one. I thought, "ok, maybe I need to be around someone who will be good to me and treat me well." He wasn't even really my type. He was only attractive in a quirky, funny way. He wasn't what I would consider "hot," which is why I truly believed he was genuinely as sweet as he seemed. He even knew that I had recently been hurt (and how badly). I mean, he reads this blog, for christ's sake. So he knew that I was extremely vulnerable. And, maybe I'm just over-reacting, but it seems he may have used that to get to me.

In a way, this hurts worse than the whole situation with Mark, because I swore I wasn't going to let anyone get close for a while. I thought that I could keep everyone at a distance. And it pisses me off that I was so wrong about him.

Well, it's not happening again. I know that some of you guys are truely decent and caring, but unfortunately, this guy has ruined that for me. I can't trust my judgement anymore.

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5 Things on Your Nightstand

I'm a little swamped at work today (not that I normally blog at work, RT (my boss reads this blog)), so I thought I'd just do this quick meme.

5 Things on your nightstand:

1. Alarm clock (of course)
2. lip gloss (something I am never without)
3. a book (right now it's The Da Vinci Code- finally)
4. lotion (keep your minds out of the gutter)
5. my "B.O.B." (ok, now you can go back to the gutter)

Sorry my list isn't very exciting, but feel free to do this on your own.

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Psychotic Hypochondriac

So here's the part where I'm going to scare everyone into not wanting to talk to me anymore. You all are going to think I'm either crazy or a hypochondriac (which I swear, everytime I fill out any kind of medical form, I think I'm crazy), but I assure you I most certainly am not.

1. OCD- I am obsessed with numbers. Even numbers to be exact. I loathe odd numbers, with the exception of anything ending in 5. The volume on my radio or tv: always an even number (or maybe a number divisible by 5). If I rub my right arm one way, I have to go back over it the other way. Then I have to do the same to the other arm. I have these 2 small cubes on my monitor at work, and they both have to be facing a certain way (one on each side of the monitor) and equal distance from the edge of the monitor. Luckily, it hasn't gotten to the "Monk" phase yet, and most people don't notice it.

2. ADD- I know I've mentioned before that I have severe ADD. No, I'm not always bouncing off the walls, but I do find it incredibly difficult to sit or stand still. Meetings and seminars are torture. I get restless after about 15 minutes. It doesn't matter if I am interested in what the speaker has to say- I simply can not pay attention. I can listen and retain everything that they say, but I have to keep my hands (and eyes) occupied. I have this one fond memory of teaching my horrible 10th grade English teacher about ADD. She was talking, I think we were dissecting "A Tale of Two Cities" (I was always and advanced reader, btw, so I was usually bored in English class). I remember that I was doodling and not looking at her, which she mistook for me not paying attention. So the bia thought she's embarrass me in front of the class and tried to call me out on it. She asked if I was paying attention, to which I replied "yes." She then asked me what she had been talking about. I repeated- word for word- everything she had said. I was the class hero that day because I had finally found a way to shut Mrs. Bradley up.

3. I am completely compulsive. No, I am not a compulsive liar or shoplifter, but compulsive none the less. I probably should have grouped this one with OCD, since it is part of the OCD, but it just seems completely different than my numbers obsession. I have very little self-control. If I want something, I want it now. And gawd forbid I have a few extra dollars in my bank account, because I will suddenly decide that I want something and just NEED to buy it NOW. In high school I had every single flavor of those Bonne Bell Lip Smackers. As soon as I saw someone with a flavor that I didn't have, I had to go out and buy it. What's worse is that this compulsion has morphed as I've gotten older. Now that I am making more money than I used to, my tastes have gotten pricier. I am a Lancome Juicy Tubes fanatic now. Now, instead of a $2 tube of lip gloss, I spend about $17 apiece- and trust me, I have more than 1 of them.

4. This is the most difficult one to put out there- I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). It's often called "excessive worry," but I hate that terminology. It trivializes it. I am constantly stressed out, but I have gotten very good at hiding it. Not many people in my life even know that I suffer from it. I am always worried that I won't have any money, even though I know without a doubt that there is money in my account. I won't even check my bank statement because I'm scared of what it will say. And 99% of the time this is without warrant. Many times, I have finally broken down and checked my account, only to find that there is at least $500 more than I thought I had. I also worry constantly that my car is going to break down. I have had more mechanics tell me that nothing is wrong with it than I can count. Yet I still worry. And I am constantly worried that my cat is going to get out. She's an indoor cat and has escaped a few times, so now I am so paranoid that most of the time she stays in my room. I also worry that something is going to happen to my loved ones. I have nightmares at least 3 times a week. Horrible, gruesome nightmares. And it has only gotten worse over the past five years. My blood pressure has gotten much higher because I am constantly stressed out. I can never relax and stop thinking. Before doing something, I always do a run-through of the worst-case-scerarios of every thing that could possibly happen. It keeps me from doing a lot of the things that I would like to do.

So there you have it. Me in a nutshell. Are you scared??

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Bits & Pieces

1. Strange coincidence- my boss' husband (my former boss) sent us an email today with a game you can play during meetings and seminars:

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that:
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns - - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block (save the spares for the next game):
* synergy * strategic fit
* core competencies * best practice
* bottom line * revisit
* expeditious * to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
* 24/7 * out of the loop
* benchmark * value-added
* proactive * win-win
* outside the box * fast track
* result(s)-driven * empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base * at the end of the day
* touch base * mindset
* client focus(ed) * paradigm (or paradigm shift)
* game plan * leverage
* database * raising the bar
* quality driven * on the same page
* team player * gold standard
3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
Funny thing is, during a staff meeting today, Cute Boss was talking, and used quite a few of the words on that list. But when he said "paradigm shift," Chick Boss and I looked at each other and started laughing. I just wish we had been playing "Bullshit Bingo."

2. I noticed today, while shopping for a new "Bob" that the clientele at adult bookstores has changed dramatically in the past 10 years. Gone are the days of shady old men in trench coats shopping for porn with their heads hung low, keeping their eyes averted out of shame. We, as a society, are much more comfortable with our sexuality. I used to be embarrassed to go to one of these stores. I'm not sure if it's a result of the changing times or if it's a product of aging, but I am no longer embarrassed. Because let's face it- we all masturbate, and it's completely healthy. In fact, the mix of people at Night Dreams today was the most diverse group I've ever seen in one of these stores. And everyone was friendly, not shady. There were two other women who were just like me- in suits, late twenties, and very normal- looking. We even talked about what "Bobs" were good and which ones to stay away from. I swear, I felt like Samantha in that one episode of Sex & the City- the one where she tells another woman not to buy one particular "massager" because it would "burn your clit off." There was also a man in his fifties in a very nice suit looking at dildos. And the young black couple looking at lingerie. However, there one customer that struck me as a little funny- an old Asian man who was perusing the anal plugs.

3. Which brings me to my next observation: the change in packaging of some of these products. Many of them still have the half-naked chick sitting spread-eagle on the package. But, I noticed that quite a few of these companies realize that WOMEN are buying their products, not men- and they are packaging accordingly. In fact, the "Bob" that I bought was in a very non-sexual package. In fact, you wouldn't even know what it was unless you read the tiny print: "Silk Touch G-Spot Vibe."

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I'm Baaaack

I'm feeling much too lazy to really write anything today, so I'll share a few of the pics from last weekend. I know y'all probably aren't interested, but I'll post them anyways. Trust me, you're getting off easy- my roommate had to sit through all 200 or so of them.

And...the obligatory "foot pic":

I promise I'll post something real later- I'm just far too busy catching up on all of the work I missed.

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Out of the Office

I'm headed out of town for the weekend (Solomon's Island again). So to keep you guys occupied, I thought I'd leave you guys with some of my favorite posts (just try to ignore the javascript error at the top- I can't get rid of it in my archives)(btw, the douchebag I was referring to was WD's stalker)

Myspace Trainwrecks- the one that got me on Wonkette :-)

My Co-Workers Suck (from my previous job)

New Job

Kris (my first love- and a very long post)

Travel Tips from a Hotel Employee (I still need to follow up with some more of those)

MySpace Trainwrecks- Part Deux (somewhat NSFW)

Why I love Jewish Men

Don't Take Away My Shoes!

That should be enough to keep you guys busy for a few days. When I get back:

-Pics from this weekend
-I'll finally tell you guys about "Toilet Brush" (aka the Evil Hag)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

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5 Phrases That Will Get You Smacked

1. "Git 'er done": Don't ever say this to me. I mean it. I will never speak to you again. I literally twitch when I hear that phrase. At my last job, I worked with "Mr. Catchphrase." Apparently, he saw that Blue Collar shit and loved it so much he decided that he would only speak "Blue Collar." He must have said that phrase at least 50 times a day. And loud. That was the closest I have ever come to going postal. And I will go postal on the next person that says that shit to me.

2. "Show me your tits": I know they're spectacular. And I will show you if, and only if, I feel that you are worthy. The few lucky people who have seen them have thanked me profusely, so I know they are worth the effort. But don't just walk up to me in a bar and tell me to show you my tits. When you are willing to drop your pants and show me your cock in the bar, maybe I'll re-consider this one.

3. "Don't you have any flatter shoes": I think I have covered this one extensively. No, I do not have any fucking flats.

4. "Is your cousin single?" Yes, I realize she has a fantastic body- she's a fucking fitness model, so she kind of has to. But don't send me an email on MySpace and ask me if she's single. The answer is no. And even if she was, I really doubt that she'd be interested in a guy who sent me an email asking me to "hook my ass up with that fine bitch." And I've seen your pics- do you really think a fitness model wants your ugly ass? And what response did you expect from me? "Oh gee, thanks for looking at my profile, by-passing my pics, then sending me an email about someone else in the picture. Thanks a fucking lot, you douche."

5. "Do you have a friend that can join us?" Ok guys, we all know that it is every straight man's fantasy to have 2 girls at once, but do you honestly think that's ever going to happen? Maybe you should be hooking up with gutter sluts if that's what you want. Trust me, if you are dating a woman (who isn't a skank) and there are feelings involved, she is not going to bring one of her friends into the bedroom. Especially if the guy can barely get her off. Get over it. Save that shit for your spank-bank.

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Eek...No Internet

So Saturday night I was at a party when my roommate calls me and tells me that the internet isn't working (I'm "tech support" for our apt.). I go through the steps with her (check to make sure the modem is plugged in and all of the lights are on, reset the modem, etc.). Still not working. So yesterday afternoon when I woke up (yes- afternoon- Saturday night was a rockstar night) I try it again. No dice. So the roommie calls Cox Cable and apparently there is a county-wide outage. The thing is, this is the 3rd time in the past 4 months that there has been such an outage- and they always seem to start on a Saturday night. And I checked this morning- still out. Long story short- I had no internet, so there were no posts this weekend- and if the shit isn't working by the time I get home today, someone at Cox is going to get an earful from a very angry blogger.

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