Fashion Sense

So I finally went and saw The Devil Wears Prada. Good, movie, but they were very creative with the story line. There were quite a few details that didn't follow the book (like the entire ending). But still worth seeing. And afterwards I had the uncontrollable urge to shop. I also realized that I have horrible fashion sense. Kassy wrote about the same thing the other day. The difference between a New York fashion sense and a DC fashion sense. I fit in (on most days) and look pretty decent here in DC, but I think if I moved to NYC, I would look horribly out of place.

The problem is, though, that in order to look half-way decent in some of the clothing, one has to be a size 4 (at the most). And I am not a size 4 (unfortunately). And I think that even if I never ate another bite, I would never be a size 4.....I just don't have that body-type. I was a size 4 senior year of high school, but that was thanks to a severely fucked-up body image and a serious aversion to food. And I looked horrible. There aren't a lot of pictures of me from that time, because after I packed on a few pounds and realized how horrible I looked, I destroyed most of the pics. I just don't have the body-type. Which is why I couldn't wear half of the outfits from the movie. But I can adopt some of the style....which is what I plan on doing. I'm going to stick to the classics. Clean lines, the right fit, and lots of black. And I am going to suck it up and start wearing the uncomfortable stilletos that have been sitting in the back of my closet.

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Wholesome Fun

I'm back. Hope everyone had a great 4th of July! I wanted to post earlier today, but between playing catch-up and doing quarter-end reports at work, I was swamped. Anyways, I had a nice, wholesome weekend with my mom. Okay, anyone who believes that is smoking rock. It was a weekend of drinking and gambling with my mom. She pretty much rocks.

Sunday we did the Seneca Lake Wine Trail (upstate NY). We tasted wines at a total of 7 wineries (Hickory Hollow, Glenora, Fulkerson Winery, Castel Grisch, Red Newt Cellars, Tickle Hill, and Penguin Bay Winery and Champagne House), so yeah, I was pretty much wasted and mom had to cart my drunk ass all over the place. I think I must have spent a lot of money on wine, since I came back with a case, but I don't really remember. Guess that means it was a good time.

Then Monday we went to Tioga Downs. It's a newly opened racino in Nichols, NY. I've never seen harness racing, and let me just say, it was pretty exciting..especially when you're betting on the horses. Plus, they have a pretty nice casino (slots only, no tables). I only won about $10, and umm....yeah, I bet about $40, so I guess I lost $30. I was trying to pick horses based on my OCD..all even numbers. Then, I bet on one named "Mark's Superstar," thinking MU would finally bring me luck...unfortunately, the horse was a loser- by a long-shot. Guess he let me down again. Not only did he come in last, but almost a full minute after the others. I should have known better. All in all though, it was a very good time. Anyways, I promise I'll do a real post at some point this week.

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By the way......

I will be out of town until Tuesday, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to post anything while I'm gone. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend, and I'll see you all next week.

Happy 4th!!

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Nextel Etiquette

I work in a rather large hotel, and it seems that half the staff has company Nextels. While I think that the whole "direct connect" thing can come in handy, especially for businesses, I have started to notice how inconsiderate people are when using it. My office in two doors down and across the hall from our conference room. Without fail, every day someone who is in a meeting gets "chirped" and goes out into the hallway to take the call. While they are being considerate to the other people in the meeting, they are being extremely rude to those of us in the offices who then have to listen to the entire 30 minute back-and-forth on speakerphone. It's annoying enough to be forced to listen to one person on a cell phone, but to be forced to listen to both sides of the conversation? I usually end up getting up and loudly closing my office door (not slamming- I HATE when people slam doors).

And it doesn't stop with work. I go to the grocery store and hear people on Nextels. Here's an idea, people: when someone "chirps" you, CALL THEM BACK!! I really don't want to hear that your husband needs hemorrhoid cream while I'm trying to figure out which fruits have the lowest number of calories. It seems that people are becoming more and more self-absorbed and less considerate of the people around them.

I have Sprint service and a new "Ready Link" capable phone. And I actually considered getting the service, but have decided against it for several reasons:
1. Like I said, it's very inconsiderate to other people. Plus, I don't even like people hearing my side of a conversation.
2. Between the unlimited texting, unlimited internet usage, picture mail, free in-network calling, and no roaming charges, my bill is already WAY too padded with extra charges. But these are all things that I absolutely need (or, at least I've convinced myself that I need them).
3. I wouldn't want to be in the middle of something* and have my dad's voice come over the phone. Yes, I know you can turn the direct connect feature off at any time, but I can barely remember to put underwear on most of the time, so the chances of me remembering to do that are pretty damn slim.
4. I hate the way my voice sounds on speakerphone.

So, people...PLEASE, I'm begging you...if you have a Nextel/Sprint phone, and you use Direct Connect/Ready Link.....think of the fact that the people around you really don't want to hear your girlfriend talk about her sore nipples. Be courteous and call the person.

*go where ever you would like with that one.

And speaking of, I have a new phone....it's cute, and yes, IT'S PINK!! Make fun of me all you want, but I happen to love pink, and I love my new phone.

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Enough?

When do you say "enough is enough"? When someone continually lies to you? When that person has ripped your heart out more times than you can count? When they've hurt you so badly that you can barely get out of bed? When you've become the needy, obsessive kind of person that you hate? When they have made you do things that you could never imagine doing? What if you just can't quit him? What if you've tried and just can't? When is it just too much?

Maybe I need that change of scenery I told a few of you about. I've decided that if/when it's offered, I am going to take it.

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Update

Dinner was great (LOVE Melting Pot)....DIR was great (such a sweety)...had a great time!!

And since White Dade thinks this blog is becoming too PG-13, this one's for you, love:

shit damn ass fuck cock

better???

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Nice Guys

So DIR* ("Does It Right") already seems too good to be true. He called me last night to tell me he had a great time at lunch and wanted to move our 2nd date up to tonight (if I didn't already have plans, of course....gawd he's good). He also asked what my favorite restaurant is...I guess that's where we're going. How sweet is that??? He's so good it scares me.

*Thank-you Kassy for the name!

Speaking of nice guys, mgc wrote me a poem!! No one has ever written a poem about me. He is such a sweety!! No wonder I'm smitten! Here it is:

JLB

blonde and lovely
with the cutest little toes
her words, soft and smooth
like the beauty of a budding rose

her luck with men
has lacked a certain zest
most seem to be just right
then turn to loathsome pests

to see her face
to Myspace she'll send
just don't ask "is your cousin single?"
or "do you have a friend?"

i hope this will work
and not make you sob
but if it does, well
simply think of me as bob

Thanks, mgc...you certainly brightened my day. muah!

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New Hope

So I had a lunch date today- a blind date to be exact. A mutual friend set us up. And let me just say- that friend just became a much better friend. I had a great time! First of all, he came to pick me up...something that doesn't happen too much anymore and always scores points in my book. We went to Sweetwater Tavern (one of my favorite low-key places) and had a great lunch (and a few drinks). He was great- intelligent, polite, funny, and cute. And he seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying. And, very importantly, we made plans for a second date before he dropped me off (take notes, guys, this guy did everything perfectly). So, since there is a second date scheduled, I have to come up with a clever nickname for him.

I know I'm supposed to be taking time off from dating, but I couldn't help myself. Even if things don't work out with this guy, at least it's given me a little hope that I won't end up being a lonely old spinster.

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Must Have Been the Slaw...

So yesterday was our sales "retreat." Although, a day at one of our sister properties in the area can't really be considered a retreat, especially when we find out that morning that said property was hosting all of our regional VP's from corporate. Great. We each had to do a presentation about our new brand initiatives. Nothing major, but I HATE speaking in front of people. Anyways, the presentations were over by lunch, then we all took "Cute Boss" to David Greggory for a pricey going-away lunch. Yes, I'm sad to say, Cute Boss is moving to Phoenix. So so so sad. I was hoping to at least hook up a little with him, but doesn't look like that's going to happen. Oh well. Que sera sera.

Anyways, we get to the restaurant, and get our appetizers and drinks. Great apps, great mojitos. Well, most of us got the crabcake (with fries and slaw). Decent, definitely not the best one I've ever had, but not too bad. Well, we finish our lunch and drinks, then start the four block hike back to the hotel. By the second block, a few of us start feeling nauseous. I was sick all night. And all day today. And I'm still sick at 10:30 the next night. Fuck. I went to work this morning, but left early. Apparently, almost everyone who had the crabcake was sick. The only person who wasn't had spinach instead of slaw. Must have been the fucking slaw. The way I feel right now, I wish my floor would open up and swallow me. Silver lining? I think I've lost about 10 pounds since yesterday.

And by the way....50 bucks for a tiny crabcake is NOT a good deal, especially when you throw it up 30 minutes later.

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Well Isn't That a Bitch

This week isn't turning out as well as it should have. Tomorrow is our sales retreat, and we were supposed to leave work at around lunch and go to Phily for the night. It would have been a night of talking (drinking) and bonding (debauchery), followed by some actual work and a meeting on Friday. I was hoping to get "Cute Boss" drunk so that I could take advantage, but unfortunately, fate has decided that it won't happen. Our GM started questioning the cost (hmm.... sending the group that brings ALL of the revenue into the hotel, not to mention won Sales Team of the Year-North America last year, and earned this hotel eight figures in revenue last year, out of town for ONE night a year is far too expensive). The funny thing is, the company keeps shoving this new brand initiative down our throats- some warm, fuzzy feelings* bullshit. Kind of ironic that we're supposed to feel like the company cares about us when they make us "tone down" the cost of our retreat. So instead we are meeting at one of our DC properties for the day tomorrow for just the meeting part of our plans (boring). And yes, WE will be buying our own lunch as well. Damn it all to hell. Warm, fuzzy shit* my ass

Long story short, I won't be able to post or comment tomorrow :-( because I will me in a stuffy meeting room.

*This is not actually the slogan, but my version of it. If I told you all what it actually was, someone out there would do some research and find out where I work. Can't have y'all stalking me now, can I? (unless you're cute, then by all means, stalk away)

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The Wolf in Nice Guy's Clothing

Sorry gang, this is not a happy post. It seems that I mistakenly let my guard down (again) and got hurt (again). Luckily, I didn't have any real feelings invested this time. But are there really any truly nice guys out there any more?

This most recent one played the "nice guy" role so convincingly, so perfectly, that he had me snowed from day one. I thought, "ok, maybe I need to be around someone who will be good to me and treat me well." He wasn't even really my type. He was only attractive in a quirky, funny way. He wasn't what I would consider "hot," which is why I truly believed he was genuinely as sweet as he seemed. He even knew that I had recently been hurt (and how badly). I mean, he reads this blog, for christ's sake. So he knew that I was extremely vulnerable. And, maybe I'm just over-reacting, but it seems he may have used that to get to me.

In a way, this hurts worse than the whole situation with Mark, because I swore I wasn't going to let anyone get close for a while. I thought that I could keep everyone at a distance. And it pisses me off that I was so wrong about him.

Well, it's not happening again. I know that some of you guys are truely decent and caring, but unfortunately, this guy has ruined that for me. I can't trust my judgement anymore.

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5 Things on Your Nightstand

I'm a little swamped at work today (not that I normally blog at work, RT (my boss reads this blog)), so I thought I'd just do this quick meme.

5 Things on your nightstand:

1. Alarm clock (of course)
2. lip gloss (something I am never without)
3. a book (right now it's The Da Vinci Code- finally)
4. lotion (keep your minds out of the gutter)
5. my "B.O.B." (ok, now you can go back to the gutter)

Sorry my list isn't very exciting, but feel free to do this on your own.

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Psychotic Hypochondriac

So here's the part where I'm going to scare everyone into not wanting to talk to me anymore. You all are going to think I'm either crazy or a hypochondriac (which I swear, everytime I fill out any kind of medical form, I think I'm crazy), but I assure you I most certainly am not.

1. OCD- I am obsessed with numbers. Even numbers to be exact. I loathe odd numbers, with the exception of anything ending in 5. The volume on my radio or tv: always an even number (or maybe a number divisible by 5). If I rub my right arm one way, I have to go back over it the other way. Then I have to do the same to the other arm. I have these 2 small cubes on my monitor at work, and they both have to be facing a certain way (one on each side of the monitor) and equal distance from the edge of the monitor. Luckily, it hasn't gotten to the "Monk" phase yet, and most people don't notice it.

2. ADD- I know I've mentioned before that I have severe ADD. No, I'm not always bouncing off the walls, but I do find it incredibly difficult to sit or stand still. Meetings and seminars are torture. I get restless after about 15 minutes. It doesn't matter if I am interested in what the speaker has to say- I simply can not pay attention. I can listen and retain everything that they say, but I have to keep my hands (and eyes) occupied. I have this one fond memory of teaching my horrible 10th grade English teacher about ADD. She was talking, I think we were dissecting "A Tale of Two Cities" (I was always and advanced reader, btw, so I was usually bored in English class). I remember that I was doodling and not looking at her, which she mistook for me not paying attention. So the bia thought she's embarrass me in front of the class and tried to call me out on it. She asked if I was paying attention, to which I replied "yes." She then asked me what she had been talking about. I repeated- word for word- everything she had said. I was the class hero that day because I had finally found a way to shut Mrs. Bradley up.

3. I am completely compulsive. No, I am not a compulsive liar or shoplifter, but compulsive none the less. I probably should have grouped this one with OCD, since it is part of the OCD, but it just seems completely different than my numbers obsession. I have very little self-control. If I want something, I want it now. And gawd forbid I have a few extra dollars in my bank account, because I will suddenly decide that I want something and just NEED to buy it NOW. In high school I had every single flavor of those Bonne Bell Lip Smackers. As soon as I saw someone with a flavor that I didn't have, I had to go out and buy it. What's worse is that this compulsion has morphed as I've gotten older. Now that I am making more money than I used to, my tastes have gotten pricier. I am a Lancome Juicy Tubes fanatic now. Now, instead of a $2 tube of lip gloss, I spend about $17 apiece- and trust me, I have more than 1 of them.

4. This is the most difficult one to put out there- I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). It's often called "excessive worry," but I hate that terminology. It trivializes it. I am constantly stressed out, but I have gotten very good at hiding it. Not many people in my life even know that I suffer from it. I am always worried that I won't have any money, even though I know without a doubt that there is money in my account. I won't even check my bank statement because I'm scared of what it will say. And 99% of the time this is without warrant. Many times, I have finally broken down and checked my account, only to find that there is at least $500 more than I thought I had. I also worry constantly that my car is going to break down. I have had more mechanics tell me that nothing is wrong with it than I can count. Yet I still worry. And I am constantly worried that my cat is going to get out. She's an indoor cat and has escaped a few times, so now I am so paranoid that most of the time she stays in my room. I also worry that something is going to happen to my loved ones. I have nightmares at least 3 times a week. Horrible, gruesome nightmares. And it has only gotten worse over the past five years. My blood pressure has gotten much higher because I am constantly stressed out. I can never relax and stop thinking. Before doing something, I always do a run-through of the worst-case-scerarios of every thing that could possibly happen. It keeps me from doing a lot of the things that I would like to do.

So there you have it. Me in a nutshell. Are you scared??

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Bits & Pieces

1. Strange coincidence- my boss' husband (my former boss) sent us an email today with a game you can play during meetings and seminars:

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that:
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns - - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block (save the spares for the next game):
* synergy * strategic fit
* core competencies * best practice
* bottom line * revisit
* expeditious * to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
* 24/7 * out of the loop
* benchmark * value-added
* proactive * win-win
* outside the box * fast track
* result(s)-driven * empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base * at the end of the day
* touch base * mindset
* client focus(ed) * paradigm (or paradigm shift)
* game plan * leverage
* database * raising the bar
* quality driven * on the same page
* team player * gold standard
3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
Funny thing is, during a staff meeting today, Cute Boss was talking, and used quite a few of the words on that list. But when he said "paradigm shift," Chick Boss and I looked at each other and started laughing. I just wish we had been playing "Bullshit Bingo."

2. I noticed today, while shopping for a new "Bob" that the clientele at adult bookstores has changed dramatically in the past 10 years. Gone are the days of shady old men in trench coats shopping for porn with their heads hung low, keeping their eyes averted out of shame. We, as a society, are much more comfortable with our sexuality. I used to be embarrassed to go to one of these stores. I'm not sure if it's a result of the changing times or if it's a product of aging, but I am no longer embarrassed. Because let's face it- we all masturbate, and it's completely healthy. In fact, the mix of people at Night Dreams today was the most diverse group I've ever seen in one of these stores. And everyone was friendly, not shady. There were two other women who were just like me- in suits, late twenties, and very normal- looking. We even talked about what "Bobs" were good and which ones to stay away from. I swear, I felt like Samantha in that one episode of Sex & the City- the one where she tells another woman not to buy one particular "massager" because it would "burn your clit off." There was also a man in his fifties in a very nice suit looking at dildos. And the young black couple looking at lingerie. However, there one customer that struck me as a little funny- an old Asian man who was perusing the anal plugs.

3. Which brings me to my next observation: the change in packaging of some of these products. Many of them still have the half-naked chick sitting spread-eagle on the package. But, I noticed that quite a few of these companies realize that WOMEN are buying their products, not men- and they are packaging accordingly. In fact, the "Bob" that I bought was in a very non-sexual package. In fact, you wouldn't even know what it was unless you read the tiny print: "Silk Touch G-Spot Vibe."

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I'm Baaaack

I'm feeling much too lazy to really write anything today, so I'll share a few of the pics from last weekend. I know y'all probably aren't interested, but I'll post them anyways. Trust me, you're getting off easy- my roommate had to sit through all 200 or so of them.

And...the obligatory "foot pic":

I promise I'll post something real later- I'm just far too busy catching up on all of the work I missed.

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Out of the Office

I'm headed out of town for the weekend (Solomon's Island again). So to keep you guys occupied, I thought I'd leave you guys with some of my favorite posts (just try to ignore the javascript error at the top- I can't get rid of it in my archives)(btw, the douchebag I was referring to was WD's stalker)

Myspace Trainwrecks- the one that got me on Wonkette :-)

My Co-Workers Suck (from my previous job)

New Job

Kris (my first love- and a very long post)

Travel Tips from a Hotel Employee (I still need to follow up with some more of those)

MySpace Trainwrecks- Part Deux (somewhat NSFW)

Why I love Jewish Men

Don't Take Away My Shoes!

That should be enough to keep you guys busy for a few days. When I get back:

-Pics from this weekend
-I'll finally tell you guys about "Toilet Brush" (aka the Evil Hag)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

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5 Phrases That Will Get You Smacked

1. "Git 'er done": Don't ever say this to me. I mean it. I will never speak to you again. I literally twitch when I hear that phrase. At my last job, I worked with "Mr. Catchphrase." Apparently, he saw that Blue Collar shit and loved it so much he decided that he would only speak "Blue Collar." He must have said that phrase at least 50 times a day. And loud. That was the closest I have ever come to going postal. And I will go postal on the next person that says that shit to me.

2. "Show me your tits": I know they're spectacular. And I will show you if, and only if, I feel that you are worthy. The few lucky people who have seen them have thanked me profusely, so I know they are worth the effort. But don't just walk up to me in a bar and tell me to show you my tits. When you are willing to drop your pants and show me your cock in the bar, maybe I'll re-consider this one.

3. "Don't you have any flatter shoes": I think I have covered this one extensively. No, I do not have any fucking flats.

4. "Is your cousin single?" Yes, I realize she has a fantastic body- she's a fucking fitness model, so she kind of has to. But don't send me an email on MySpace and ask me if she's single. The answer is no. And even if she was, I really doubt that she'd be interested in a guy who sent me an email asking me to "hook my ass up with that fine bitch." And I've seen your pics- do you really think a fitness model wants your ugly ass? And what response did you expect from me? "Oh gee, thanks for looking at my profile, by-passing my pics, then sending me an email about someone else in the picture. Thanks a fucking lot, you douche."

5. "Do you have a friend that can join us?" Ok guys, we all know that it is every straight man's fantasy to have 2 girls at once, but do you honestly think that's ever going to happen? Maybe you should be hooking up with gutter sluts if that's what you want. Trust me, if you are dating a woman (who isn't a skank) and there are feelings involved, she is not going to bring one of her friends into the bedroom. Especially if the guy can barely get her off. Get over it. Save that shit for your spank-bank.

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Eek...No Internet

So Saturday night I was at a party when my roommate calls me and tells me that the internet isn't working (I'm "tech support" for our apt.). I go through the steps with her (check to make sure the modem is plugged in and all of the lights are on, reset the modem, etc.). Still not working. So yesterday afternoon when I woke up (yes- afternoon- Saturday night was a rockstar night) I try it again. No dice. So the roommie calls Cox Cable and apparently there is a county-wide outage. The thing is, this is the 3rd time in the past 4 months that there has been such an outage- and they always seem to start on a Saturday night. And I checked this morning- still out. Long story short- I had no internet, so there were no posts this weekend- and if the shit isn't working by the time I get home today, someone at Cox is going to get an earful from a very angry blogger.

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Wow...Just Wow

So remember that link I posted last week to Overworked & Underf*cked? Yeah, today is C*ckblogging Wednesday. And may I just say "Holy Huge Shlong, Batman." Oh my dear lord. My office-mate thinks that it's too big and would hurt too much. I think I wouldn't mind trying it out to see if she's right.

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Simple Pleasures Meme

I've been tagged by Tara, so here are my 10 simple pleasures:

1. Talking to someone who "gets" me.

2. Falling asleep to the sound of a thunderstorm.

3. The endorphin buzz from a good workout (same as minijonb).

4. Song lyrics that express what I'm feeling.

5. The sound of ocean waves.

6. an ice-cold can of Coke (pure liquid joy).

7. Spending an entire day in bed- with someone or alone.

8. Finding a $20 in my jeans pocket.

9. the smell of lilacs.

10. my cat purring.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but please feel free to do it yourself.

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Letting Go

The worst part about letting someone in is the inevitable break-up and the mud-slinging that goes along with it. In order to get close, you have to let that person see all of you- the pain, the insecurities, the quirks- everything. But what if you let that person in, only to find out that he is so ugly on the inside that he feels the need to throw those insecurities back in your face? How can you tell if he’s the kind of person who would do that? Do you keep your heart protected from the start? Do you not let anyone get close enough to hurt you? It’s lose-lose. If you keep your distance, you may never find “the one.” But if you open yourself up, you run the risk of that person hurting you to the core.

And how do you get over someone you shouldn’t have even cared about in the first place? How do you get over the person who, from the moment you met him, you felt was meant for you? Especially when that person has done everything he possibly can to make you feel like shit.

I guess the only solution is to keep your distance from the start; and to hope that someday someone will care enough to not give up on you. The hardest thing in the world is not trusting people- especially when it is in your nature to trust everyone.

And there is something very cathartic about deleting that person from your life. Blocking their emails and IM’s and deleting them from your phone is a huge step in the healing process. Even deleting all of the sweet and thoughtful text messages they sent you- although, that is the hardest part.

Mark, if you read this- know that you hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me. What you said to me was beyond low- it was reprehensible. You showed your true colors by stooping that low. I don’t ever want to see you or hear from you again. I will get over you eventually. But you will never find happiness as long as you keep shitting all over everyone that falls for you.

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Here is Gone

yes, I'm posting lyrics again. I was an idiot and opened myself up to more emotional abuse from MU, so now I'm wallowing in song lyrics again. Sorry. I promise I'll post something real tomorrow.

I'm not the one who broke you

I'm not the one you should fear

What do you got to move you darling

I thought I lost you somewhere

But you were never really ever there at all

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Didn't look out below

Watch the time go right out the window

Trying to hold on, but didn't even know

Wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when...

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end it doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end It doesn't even matter

I tried so hard

In spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property

Remembering all the times you fought with me

I'm surprised it got so far

Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

Not that you knew me back then

But it all comes back to me in the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried,it all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And you

Bring me to my knees again

All the times

That I could beg you please in vain

All the times that I felt insecure for you

And I leave my burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside

AndI'm looking in

I can see through you

See your true colors

'Cause inside you're ugly

You're ugly like me

I can see through you

See to the real you

All the times that I felt like this won't end

It's for you

And I taste what I could never have

It was from you

All the times that I've cried

My intentions full of pride

And I waste more time than anyone

All the times

That I've cried

All this wasted

It's all inside

And I feel

All this pain

Stuffed it down

It's back again

And I lie

Here in bed

All alone

I can't mend

But I feel tomorrow will be OK

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Busy Sunday

My mom came to visit this weekend, and we spent this morning at Great Falls Park. For those of you in DC who haven't been, I highly recommend it. Just make sure you wear sneakers. Got a great workout hiking the trails and climbing rocks. This place is absolutely beautiful. Just take a look:

There was a group of about 7 kayakers- all senior citizens. I honestly hope I'm in this good of shape when I'm their age.

And by the way, this afternoon I decided to become a redhead. I do this every summer- get tired of the blonde hair and go strawberry blonde for awhile. I think it turned out pretty well. Here's the new color:

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Random Acts of Stupidity

1. If you are on the elevator and it stops on a floor, don’t immediately assume that it’s the floor you need to get out on. There are other people in the building, and one of them maybe trying to ride the elevator. Pay attention, fucktard. The lobby is the button with the “L” and the big fucking star next to it. I know that’s a hard concept to grasp. You may also want to pay attention to the voice that announces what floor you are on. I know that “Mezzanine” sounds a lot like “Lobby,” but they are not the same floor. And, if you do decide to not pay attention, and roll your 3 huge fucking suitcases and 5 screaming kids halfway out of the elevator before you decide that you are on the wrong floor, please try to avoid rolling that shit over my toes. These are expensive shoes. Plus, I would prefer to keep both of my big toes.
   
2. If you send me an email, asking me for a report, please don’t give your life story with it. All I need to know is what data you want and when you want it by. I don’t need to know who you are sending it to, why they need it, who they want to show the report to, what significance the report will have in your life, and what you ate for dinner last night. I should not have to sift through all of the bullshit in your 5-page email just to try to figure out what the fuck you are asking me for.
   
3. If you do send me an email, don’t then immediately call me or come to my office to tell me that you sent me an email and proceed to tell me what the email says. I can read (very well, actually). You have totally nullified the importance of the email.
   
4. I send you a report every week telling you exactly where you are in comparison to your goals. Don’t come to me the next day asking me if you are going to make your fucking goals. Look at the fucking report I sent you.
   
5. If I send you an email requesting a contract, don’t reply and tell me that you are bringing it right over. I don’t fucking care. Just bring it. In the time that it took you to type, “Sure, I’ll bring it right over,” you could have walked your ass over here and given it to me.
   
6. If you need something from me, for the love of all things holy, send me a damn email. Don’t come into my office when it is very obvious that I am busy, and stand there staring at me. If you don’t say anything, I will pretend you aren’t there. I have work to do. Leave me alone.

Is it obvious that someone needs some sleep??

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Lazy Day

It's a lazy Thursday, and I am feeling very unmotivated. So, I thought I would share with you one of my favorite sites. It's called Overworked & Underf*cked. I urge all of you to go take a look. The author, Avatar, posts weekly pictures sent in by some of her male readers- and they aren't of their faces. It's called "C*ckblogging Wednesdays." And let me just say, it definitely brightens my hump day. Although, I will point out that she prefers her men uncut, whereas I am a fan of circumcision. Either way- some of these are truly beautiful.

And for you guys- there is an article which some of you need to pay special attention to: "Care and Feeding of the Excited Vagina." I especially like #6: "Take your time. She's not asphalt and you're not a jackhammer. There's no need to fingerbang like hummingbirds on crystal meth." And there are plenty of other helpful hints there for you guys. *wink wink*

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Don't Take Away My Shoes!

I’m not at all picky when it comes to a guy’s height. I’ve dated tall guys, short guys, average guys, really tall guys, whatever. Height doesn’t matter. But I will say that I’m not really into men that are really scrawny. Tall & skinny: fine. Short and skinny: not so great- for me at least. What does matter to me, however, is whether or not the guy is comfortable with his height. My most recent relationship was with a guy that was 5’10” (not that tall, but certainly taller than me), but he was very comfortable with his height. He was also, by the way, somewhat stocky- his arms and chest were big- but all muscle (damn that’s sexy). There is nothing sexier than a man that is comfortable in his own skin. In fact, I didn’t ever notice the height thing- just because he didn’t seem bothered by it.

What is not fine, however, is a man that is so insecure with his height that he demands that I wear flats. I dated such a guy in college. He was the same height as me (5’7”), give or take a half inch, but when I wore shoes, I was much taller than him. He was threatened by that. He constantly asked (read- demanded) that I change my shoes. Newsflash, buddy- I DO NOT OWN FLATS. The only “flats” that I own are sneakers. And I refuse to compromise on this. I am a shoe addict. I am a “girly-girl.” I will not wear flat shoes. Even if my feet are in so much pain that I can barely walk, you will still not catch me in flats. I would rather suffer the blisters in hot 3” stilettos. Even my flip-flops are 2” platforms. And they are the most comfortable shoes I own. I don’t even feel comfortable in sneakers. I would even wear platform sneakers to the gym if it made sense to do so. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, so I have to wear regular sneakers.

I’m not sure why or when my obsession with big shoes began, but they are the one thing that I will not change. I have replaced funky, cute clothing with the “corporate slave uniform” of black suits, but my shoes remain the one part of my wardrobe that shows personality. They are an indication that, even though my workwear is boring and professional, I do have personality

I spend hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dollars every year on shoes. I cannot walk into Hecht’s or Lord & Taylor without stopping by my favorite section. I am uncontrollably drawn to them. One of my favorite mall experiences is at the Dulles Towne Centre Nordstrom. If you go into the store on the 2nd floor, then take the escalator down to the 1st, it is an ethereal experience. There is usually someone playing the grand piano, and as you descend, you are faced with a huge, beautiful playground of shoes. While listening to classical music, I can try on dozens of shoes that I hope to someday be able to afford. It’s my Mecca.

So to any short man I may date, keep this in mind: don’t EVER ask me to wear flats. My shoes are who I am, and I am NOT flat!

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You Asked for It....

A few people have asked my why I don't have any pics of myself on my blog. There are several reasons- 1. I rather enjoy my anonymity and 2. I don't like any pictures of myself that have been take in the past 3 years. I gained weight when I moved to this area, which now I am trying like hell to get rid of. I've already lost 15 pounds and have about 15 more to go before I look like I did in this picture. I have to say, though, that this picture of me was taken when I was probably the healthiest weight I've ever been. During high school I had a bit of a problem with food, and looking back at the pictures from that time, now I see how disgustingly thin I was. This is one of the few pictures of me that I actually like- I was a normal weight, had a great tan, and, although my hair looks dark in the pic, it was it's natural medium blonde and healthy. So here you go- a pic of me- looking (in my humble opinion) my best- and the way I will look again soon. I'm the second from the left- light blue shirt.

It's amazing how difficult it can be to find a great group of friends after college. I haven't talked to "my girls" in a couple of years, but this was a few years ago at a "reunion." Yes, the girl in the middle is incredibly tan, and yes- she is supposedly a white girl. I have never seen anyone as tan as her, and we all constantly lectured her about the dangers of spending 2 hours a day in a tanning bed.

So anyways, you asked for and you got it. Now stop asking!

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Apparently I'm a Bitch

So apparently Big Head Rob thinks my comment about Kathryn being one of the "little guys" was snarky. Let me make this perfectly clear- I have nothing but respect for Kathryn, as well as the other bloggers featured on News4. My comment was not intended to sound snide, and I sincerely hope that no one took it that way. Even as I read back over it, for the life of me I cannot comprehend how anyone would mistake it for anything other than what it was- a compliment. The only thing I meant by calling her one of the "little guys" was that her blog is like the rest of ours- posts about everyday happenings in our lives; whereas, the other blogs featured on News4, such as Wonkette and DCBlogs, are not. I think someone is looking for snark where there is none.

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Warning! Rant coming in 5..4..3..2..

Apparently I didn't get the memo about today being "Creepy Perv Day." Tara, did you neglect to put this on your May calendar? It's 10 AM, and I have already encountered enough skeeziness to last all weekend.

To the guy who "accidentally" brushed his hand across my ass at Starbucks this morning- you may want to re-think your strategy. When there is a full 10 feet of space to walk past me at the coffee bar, you aren't fooling anyone. And by the way, if your hand really had accidentally touched my ass, it wouldn't have been an open-palm. Seriously, if you are going to do something that obvious, you may as well have gone all out and grabbed my ass. I realize that my ass looks amazing in these pants, but next time try a little self-control.

To the illegals that are doing the renovation on my hotel- leering at a woman and licking your lips is never a good pick-up strategy. What did you expect me to do? Take off my shirt? This isn't a "Girls Gone Wild" video. And furthermore, maybe if you learned English and tried to strike up an intelligent conversation, you may just have a chance with me. Some Spanish guys have that "I'm a sexy and smoldering Latino" thing down to a T, but I'm pretty sure their approach doesn't involve any lip-licking are staring so hard at my breasts that you could burn a hole through my shirt.

To the creepy guy in the elevator- saying "Going down?" to me and winking would probably only work if you, I don't know, were attractive. And had your teeth. And weren't old enough to be my dad. Otherwise- it's just plain creepy. If I had to ride the elevator more than a couple of floors, I would have gotten off the second you winked at me and waited for the next one. Here's an idea- stop thinking you're a hot 25 year-old, maybe shower once in a while, call your dentist- you could use a LOT of work in that department, and stop drinking before lunch- I could smell the alcohol on you (maybe that's because you stood so damn close to me in the elevator that I could almost feel your hard-on).

Whew....I feel better now.

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Kathryn Gets Some R.E.S.P.E.C.T

So I was at the gym tonight, getting my nightly cardio in and watching NBC4, when I saw that they are doing a series this week called "Meet the Blogger." On Monday they focused on Pat Thibodeau (aka KOB) of DCBlogs.com; yesterday it was Mike Grass of Express and DCist; so today I was expecting someone from Wonkette or similar (more news-ish blogs or blogs that catalog all of the interesting posts on other blogs). Well, I was quite surprised to see the lovely Kathryn today. I'm very happy that they decided to interview at least one of the "little guys" (although, I'm not sure if I'd call her that- she's pretty much the Queen Bee of DC Blogs).
They haven't posted the story on their site yet, but you can catch the video of her interview (along with Pat's and Mike's) here.
Very good interview, Kathryn....and Congratulations. Much deserved recognition!!

***And on a related note, if you happen to go to DCBlogs.com and look at today's "DC Blogs Noted" (ie, the main page), you may notice a certain blogger listed(as the 2nd most popular outgoing link, btw)- so yay for me, too!! So thank-you, KOB***

***edit- they finally posted the bit about Kathryn on the site. Check it out.

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Living in the DC Area: A Love/Hate Relationship

Pro: Aggressive Driving is perfectly acceptable.
Con: Aggressive Driving is perfectly acceptable.

Pro: Being able to get any kind of ethnic food with minimal effort.
Con: Realizing that a lot of ethnic foods taste like shit.

Pro: Reasonably mild weather year-round.
Con: The second there is a drop of precipitation, everyone forgets how to drive.

Pro: Exposure to many different cultures.
Con: Needing a Doctorate in 12 different languages to communicate with cab drivers, convenience store clerks, fast food cashiers, and dry cleaners.

Pro: DC is a beautiful city.
Con: Tourists everywhere.

Pro: It's relatively easy to find your way around (outside of DC).
Con: Needing new brake pads every 6 months.

Pro: Lots of rich, single men.
Con: Most of them are arrogant, pompous republicans.

Pro: Every kind of bar/club lounge you could possibly want.
Con: Drinks are all over-priced (yes, even in the dive-bars).

Pro: Beautiful houses.
Con: You pretty much have to make over 6 figures to buy one.

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What is happening to celebrity women??

There are some really tragic stories of celebrity demise. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's the water in L.A. or the narcissistic lifestyle, but some of these women are just one drunken bender away from a "True Hollywood Story."

Case in point- our first celebrity demise:

What happens when you lose your virginity to a douche like Justin Timberlake.
I think that Brit's experience with Justin Timberlake must have just been so bad that she was desperately looking for any guy who pees standing up. Enter K-Fed. What a waste of fucking space. Now, Brit may not have been a great role-model for young girls, nor was she the epitome of class, but at least she wasn't Mississippi Trailer Park Trash like she is now. Brit, you used to be so cute. And you had a great body. Look at what Kevin has done to you. Look at what you've become- a baby machine. Seriously, is the sex just that good? Come on, I have a hard time believing that you couldn't get a more desirable guy than him. And really- have you ever heard of birth control? What is this- your 6th kid? 7th? And while you're at home in the trailer, Kevin is out spending the last of your money on toothless strippers and two-dollar hookers. It's so sad how low some women sink for a man.


Example number 2:

What happens when you hang out with vapid, whorish socialites.
Tara Reid used to be a very pretty girl. Granted, like Britney, she wasn't exactly the classiest of women, but she was beautiful. She could've had a good career (not great, but good). Then, after the popularity of American Pie, Tara started hanging out with Paris Hilton. That's precisely the moment she became a joke. She got that horrendous boob job- probably by the same plastic surgeon that "fixed" Paris' beak- I mean nose. Now she's a trainwreck. It's pretty sad when the tabloids even stop running stories of your naked drunken escalades because it's old news. Tara, put down the damn bottle and for God's sake stop showing your tits. No one's interested anymore because we've seen them dozens of times. Sweety, sober up and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to land a few roles in Lifetime movies; because I don't think there's a chance in hell that you'll be asked to star in any blockbusters any time soon.

What happens when the "Starlet Diet" takes over your life:

Lindsey, you used to be so cute- and healthy. Please- for the love of god- eat something!! A cookie, anything!!

And our last, and most tragic demise:

What happens when you finally land that Hollywood heartthrob:

Please, someone tell me what happened to sweet, intelligent Joey Potter? I know Katie was intelligent at one point- I mean, the script for Dawson's Creek read like War and Peace. And that great performance in Wonder Boys? Come on, Katie- I know that meeting the man that you've been in love with since you saw him dancing in his skivies must be overwhelming, but at what point did you decide, "hey, this Scientology thing is cool." My theory is that Tom slipped her some rufies, and while she was unconscious, performed a lobotomy. There's no other explanation. And now they've breaded?? Scary. She'll never get away now. Katie, I'm sure there must be some support groups for recovering Scientologists, and maybe they'll help you find the missing part of your brain (although, I'm not entirely sure that's possible- it may involve a shuttle mission- I'm sure the church keeps those in jars on some distant planet).

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A Few Quick Notes

There are a few things that I want to blog about, but I haven't had very much time or motivation lately, so they have to go on the back burner for a few days- at least until I get back from my mom's house (yep-going out of town for the weekend-again). I think I need a vacation after all of these "vacations." I just need a weekend of doing nothing.

But I digress. Just a few notes. I finally got to meet Nicole and Eric last week. We had a great time at Chipotle. It was our own H^3, since none of us were able to go to the DC Blog Happy Hour Friday night. Both Nicole and Eric are just as cool and laid-back as you would expect. All in all, a good time- I'd definitely hang out with them again.

Speaking of H^3, I'm torn about whether or not to go to the next one. On one hand, I'm a little curious to actually see some of the DC bloggers in person, and I've been wondering what BAL looks like. And both he and VK seem like they'd be fun to drink with. V seems pretty cool as well. On the other hand, I am kind of relishing the idea of remaining a mystery. One of the reasons for that is I am not the same person that I am in this blog. Minijonb once posted about Multiple Web Personalities, and I think he may be on to something. My blog personality is the out-going person that I wish I was. I am actually painfully shy and quiet when I first meet someone- especially if that someone is a guy. I (somewhat) open up later- after I've talked to that person for a while. Some people have accused me of being snobby. I am really not snobby- just shy. So I don't think I would fit in with the crew at H^3- they are like the popular kids in high school, and I'm still the quiet chick.

On another note- that asshat stalker of White Dade's is still trolling the blogs. Apparently this guy is even more pathetic than we thought. He's been giving me crappy ratings on Varb. That's really mature, Dennis (or whateverthefuck your name is). The thing is, my Varb rating means absolutely nothing. I'm the only one that sees it, and since I know that you are the one messing up my score, I'm ignoring it- it means even less, because it isn't my real rating. So GET A LIFE and stop trolling blogs, you pathetic freak.

There. I feel better, now that I've gotten that out of my system.

Anyways, that's all I have the energy to write right now, so I'll try to update before I head out for the weekend. By the way- how's that for name-dropping, Dade? Hope everyone (except dennis) has a great day!

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